Friday, December 9, 2011


Tis the season for nostalgia.... and the mood that (without warning!) I found myself in on my long drive home alone in the dark tonight. Christmas carolers singing their Christmas songs on the radio..... "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... just like the one you used to know....." "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nipping at your nose.........."I'll have a blue Christmas without you............."  

Nostalgia.... what is it exactly? I found it defined as:
  1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
  2. The state of being homesick.
  3. A wistful or EXCESSIVELY sentimental YEARNING for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition.
  4. The elusive word "nostagia" is formed from two Greek roots: nostos ("return home") and algia ("pain").
  5. It's akin to the Greek word neisthai that means to return.
Like it said, tis the season often for a return of pain.... a season for longing for something or someone from the past.... a season of yearning for the return of some past period or irrecoverable condition. Tis often the nostalgic season that those jingling bells ring right on up in all of us.

What is it about holidays, birthdays, special days that brings nostagia out to envade? It can be previously dealth with, buried, dead, done, a closed chapter, healed, seemingly totally gotten over, forgotten......... when a mean day on the calendar raises that thing back out from its grave?

Auld Lang Syne - means "old time since," or more precisely, "long long ago." "In the days of auld lang syne" is the equivalent of our modern day's way of saying it as: "Once upon a time."

Old Long Syne
by James Watson

Should Old Acquaintance ["Once upon a time"] be forgot,
and never thought upon;
The flames of love extinguished,
and fully past and gone:
Is thy sweet heart now grown so cold,
that loving breast of thine;
That thou canst never once reflect
on Old long syne ["once upon a time"].....

One of my favorite songs forever for this season was Dan Fogelberg's Same Old Lang Syne. Last year was the first Christmas season in all the years past that I don't recall hearing it. The song sings like this:

Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve.

She didn't reconize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged.

We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie.

I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw
Doubt or gratitude.

She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the travelling was hell.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another 'auld lang syne'...

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away.

Just for a moment I was back at school
and felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain.....

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind......

For years it rated as my favorite song. The one that brought the tears the most, because it traveled me back in time. An old 'flame' once told me when we were breaking up that we'd meet again somewhere. He reminded me of this song and said it would be us and I'd see him in a grocery store. I never did see him there, though it wasn't from lack of trying. But now instead of that song bringing tears, it brings a smile from the memory.

I remember telling him once that the snow always turns into rain. I was sad when I said it. I felt defeated in my happiness. It seemed that happiness was overrated, because happiness was most often stolen.

Living in the south we rarely have snow. It's too early to imagine it at all here this year, but I didn't hope for it last year at all; it's so rare it never crossed my mind. But snow it did. My youngest daughter had gone to my mom's and tweeted on her way back, "Is that rain I see? Or has the rain turned into snow?" Woe! That gave me the greatest grin! I can't even begin to tell you of the feeling it sent. I thought, "Wow! I thought the snow always turned into rain. But sometimes the rain turns into snow!" I don't know.... for some craZy reason, I just felt the need to say so today. What's even crazier is how quick something can send the brain back in time before it even knew that it'd soon be traveling.................. In all honesty, I think I traveled all 48 Christmas' in my years past and rolled them all up to visit them all at the very same time... as if sitting down in front of the tree at one Christmas and visiting them all as they danced and performed before me while I sat. And it dawned on me, I've only had 48 Christmas'. That's really not so many! I wondered how many Christmas' I'd have left? And I thought of the few that my children have had already. Then, too, realizing how a Christmas' memory always comes up every year for a new visit.... it made me want to start making sure that I made them the best memories ever made! I want them to be happy, thrilled,... I want them to be always able to smile at the memory. Because, as I've already said, no matter how great or how bad or how small or how many, they'll all be back! They'll all be wrapped up again and presented like a present to be unwrapped in the head with every new next year after it!

Nostalgia.............. it can be a very nice present. Tonight I enjoyed it's visit.  :)

Okay... so I'm at my "weird" again! I told my son just now as he was calling me 'weird' about something else I'd just said, that he's surely gonna miss all my weirdnesses after I'm not here to be weird anymore. Forgive me for the times that my weird's "too much." :)

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