So today, we'll continue with Tabor. Tomorrow I'll share my Sabrina.
May 13, 2006
Today's my man-child's birthday.Thirteen years have past since God has given his entrance into our world! Who would have ever thought the joy he'd bring with him? The love that he'd take? The hearts he'd steal? The laughter he'd share? I never dreamed then of the blessings wrapped up inside the skin of that child and the pleasure that would be released all in the right time. Who knew then what he'd mean to me now?
As I'm typing this Blog he's sitting shirtless on the sofa opposite mine, eating wings from Zaxby's and licking the juice that drips down his fingers; staring at the box (TV) in front of him that captures the attention of millions of people all over the world. He has an ugly scab that's capped an earlier evil wound from some sort of fall or skid or another. It's his regular attire for which he most wears - full boy, running at full speeds in whatever is his mind's focus for its moment. It gives cause for lots of bumps and cuts and bruises. Big brown eyes and having a good hair day! He may be mine, but he's LQQKing mighty fine sitting where he's sitting right across from me, totally unaware that he's my focus for my moment while his focus is stayed upon his box. Me watching him while he's watching it. What he doesn't know (and won't know until he has his own) is that I've been watching him for 13 years, and I'll continue to watch him every day for the rest of my life whether I can see him with my physical eyes or not. He's a constant focus in my mind's eye, my heart, my being, my everything. My goodness, how I love that child so!
I wrote what I'm copying and pasting below two years ago (in 2004), but it seems to still fit for today. I thought that I would paste and fit it here on this 13th year of my son's envasion into my heart and into my world.
They called him: "fancy".
"fancy? fancy?," I asked, "Why "fancy"?"
"Because," I was told, "he's a purty boy!"
And he IS! And he's MINE! and I love him, And indeed, he IS a purty boy!
I picked my gorgeous guy up (my God-given 'man-child') from camp yesterday evening. He barely had time to oblige my hug when I arrived to see him - for he had a girl, and he was grinning, and he was HOLDING HER HAND!
Her name was Jennifer, and she's from Prattville. NOT, mind you, from somewhere far away like: Houston, Texas; or Portland, Oregon; or San Diego, California; or Baltimore, Maryland, or even Tallahassee, Florida would do! But NO, she's from Prattville, Alabama - driving distance between my house and hers. Waaaaay, waaaaaaaaaay, waaaaaay toooo close to home! I liked her. She was cute - but my son seemed fixated on her - and he was holding her hand!
Last Sunday night we dropped him off at his campsite for the week. As I did, and he went about his way (oblivious to the fact that I was even there - I don't think that the girls saw me or even realized who I was) I heard the girls flocking together and saying in ultra-loud whispers, "Tabor's here! Tabor's here! Tabor's here!"
My lips spread into the grin that flowed from the swelling inside my heart, because it couldn't help but to, for Tabor's MINE! And I'm so proud of him. I just politely backed back, turned around, and tiptoed out of their oblivion. I went back to my vehicle and said to those still enclosed inside there, "Y'all, all those girls are running to each other and saying, "Tabor's here! Tabor's here! Tabor's here!" And I kept grinning, because my heart was still swelling inside!
Then last night (after the week), we went to pick him up; and that's when I was introduced to Jennifer. To my surprise, Ta left as soon as he saw me. I went inside his cabin to pack his things and load them up in our vehicle in order to take them home. I was more excited to see him, than he was excited to see me - for he was still excited over seeing Jennifer!
"But he's still mine!" I thought, "And I'm the one that gets to take him home!"
He told me as soon as we got in the Durango to go, "I know her phone number!" Not, "I missed you, mom!" or "Man, it's good to see you!" But wearing the grin from his thrill he blurted, "I know her phone number!" Like I was gonna get excited over it or something! What? - And who cares? - And can we lose it quickly?
We went to chapel before we left (the last event of the week) and I sat with Tim and Lucy and Sabrina. Tabor sat two rows up in front of us. With Jennifer.
He held her hand there - and grinned! The dad sitting next to me was actually honored by having his daughter choose to sit next to him, though I doubt that he even realized his honor. My son sat two rows up - not with me, mind you - but with her.
They called out each child's name to give them some kind of paper, an award of sorts. One child's name was called after another. A few hoots and hollers in between. When they called Tabor's name the whole place hollered. And most stood while they cheered. I'm still thinking, he's MINE, as my heart soared! Even if he wasn't holding my hand, he STILL held a tight grip on my heart!
We got into the vehicle to come home, and before we could even pull out of the camp's drive Tabor was already saying, "I miss camp." He's been gone from me a whole week and I've missed him terribly, and thought of him everyday; as of yet I've not been told that he has missed me. This morning he's already up and out and gone, but he talked to me a lot before he left. He still didn't mention missing me, but he misses camp, and he misses Jennifer; I can tell - he talked a LOT about JENNIFER!
Again (!), as I wrote of before, another Season's come. And I see its forecast. And I don't know that I like it!
Last night before bed was when he told me that they called him "fancy" at camp. That is when I asked him, "Why?" And that's when he told me the reason that they had given him was, "Because you're a purty boy." I know he's mine and all, but even I have eyes and can see, and yes, he is! He IS a pretty boy! My, he is a handsome thang! Handsome, handsome HANDSOME thang! My heart's still soaring in my overflowing feeling of what I feel for him in it. I DO love that man-child that God graced and gifted me with!
And if I were in the heavens, and had the power to do so; I, too, would open up the clouds and look down below and say to him and to all within hearing, "This is my son in whom I am well pleased! And I am so proud of him!"
Why? Why? Why am I so pleased and so proud? Not yet, because of any great thing that he's done, but because he's mine, and I bore him, he belongs to me, and I love him so.
I know that God was proud of His Son when He opened up those clouds to tell Him and to tell us so, but I don't think it was just because of what He "done",- it because of Who He was. Who He is. And Who He was to come. Because Jesus was HIS, and He just plain out LOVED HIM so! And God couldn't contain His love inside - the swelling inside His heart HAD to tell Him and tell us! For "from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." And this was one of those times when God HAD to just say it out LOUD!!@! The overflow couldn't help but to become vocal and tell it!
That's what He's done for us, too! NOT because of any great thing that we've "done" - but because we're His! And because HE bore us! And because He loves us so! This time His heart's overflow became "vocal" by sending His Son to show us, so that we could see, and so that we could hear, and so that we could know! HE opened up those clouds for us, just as He did for Jesus; and didn't just say it with words from His throne on high, but God sent His Son down through those clouds to walk the ground where we walk, Jesus Himself became the vocal to tell us so. He became real vocally like - by hanging on a cross - to get the message across to us! He didn't just "talk the talk" to us, but He walked the talk out LOUD!
Yesterday, I was ecstatically proud of my son, not because of anything he had done, but simply because he's mine, I'm his, he belongs to me. My Father is ecstatically proud of me, not because of anything that I've done, but simply because I am His, He's mine, and He loves me so. So He sent His Son to pick up the tab to pay all the debt that I owe, because I couldn't get Home any other way. I didn't have enough money or anything else to pay the ticket's fare to get me there. God sent His Son to pay the cost because HE WANTS TO bring me Home! Simply because (and for no other reason) He loves me so! He feels an even greater, "She's MINE" toward me, than I feel for my son. The love inside His heart for me soared and swelled, bringing an overflow. And His overflow came in the name of Jesus!
He may allow me to "hold hands with Jennifer" for a while, but when the lights are out, and the camp's week is all done, He's riding up on His white horse, and He's coming to get me and bringing me HOME!
Fancy me, I got to bring "fancy" home! And fancy, God sending His Son one to bring me Home to Him when the time comes!
Written: May 13, 2006