If I'm honest, that is my current moment's heart's feeling. That: "This too, Lord, shall pass. This too." And then? I, immediately after my feeling that, I feel guilty for feeling such a feeling.
In all relativity, life is so short... why wish it away? Why hope it to hurry? Why hate the season you're in? Why not, rather, look for what God is attempting to teach to you there? Why hate where you are? Why be so disheartened in the place, the "when", that you're in? Why not look for treasures there? Why not resolve to find the riches? Little peeks of radiance? Little morsels of miracles? Little fragments of a flame? Little specks of a smolder? Little lights of glimmer? Kind of like lightning bugs.... why not look for the flashes? For little evidences of God's glory? Tiny particles that show the evidence of His presence? Those tiny pieces that you'd miss if you were not looking? That you'd miss if your eyes were focused only on the yuckiness around, instead of His goodness? For dare we forget, God is with us in the dark! Perhaps more presently then.... than ever at all!
I read a quote today. It said, "There are times when I have questioned the presence of God in my life; fortunately, He has never questioned His presence in mine."
I love that! How sweet when you think about it. But sad too. Because don't you know that in those times, those times when we feel like we don't know where He is, that it has to hurt Him. It has to grieve Him when we question if He cares,... after all that He's done.... because all the while... He always does! He's a "VERY PRESENT help in times of trouble"! And indeed, very present in our hard and in our hurt.... in our doom and in our dark!
I said to Him as I was driving today, "I don't know my 'where', Lord? But You do! Help me in my 'when' to find my 'where'. I don't know 'how', but I do know 'Who'! And I don't know that I'll know until Heaven of my 'why'... but then again, I don't have to."
And you know what? In my drive while in despair.... I found myself wildly joyful there. Only Him! Only He can do that!
In my distress, I am unexplainably thrilled! Why? Because I just went out and bought the new James - Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore bible study! I cannot wait to get started! And even though I have a lot planned on my plate tomorrow... I just may forego sleep and stay up half the night. I want only to bask in His wonder! To bath in His word! To hear my Savior speak! I don't think I'll be disappointed! Guess what? I think already that I see flashes of light! And you know what... it's better than lightning bugs in the night! I LOVE my Father's spark! Oh my... how I almost missed it! There have been flashes all along... I simply failed and forgot to look!
Oh wow..... I'm off to grab my jar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!