I don't want this cup!

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"Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done." (Luke 22:42)

That is what I want to say! I want to say what Jesus said. But to be flat out honest,... I DON'T WANT THIS CUP! 


I want to refuse it! I want to whine about it! Throw a fit about it! Opt out! Chose not to! Turn my back! Turn it down! Reject it! "Just say, "No!" like the slogan says!............ 


But I know that I'm not supposed to!


And then.... in my throwing-a-fit mode, I realize that this thing of mine that I'm calling "a cup" isn't even worthy of being called one compared to His! Lifting my cup up next to His, mine barely looks to even be able to resemble "a cup" at all. In my rebuffing of it, I wonder if I disappoint Him? I am so sorry that I feel like I do. I really and truly feel bad for feeling it. But.... this "cup" makes me so sad. And then, my sad often quickly turns to mad before I can catch it. I can't even talk about it yet. It hurts my feelings. It sorrows my heart. It saddens my countenance. I try not to think about it, I try to be resolved to it and find some joy in it, but truthfully, I'm mourning something... that compared to most... isn't worthy to be mourning about!


But still... I don't like that cup!


I think it'd be safe to say: I hate this cup!


I'm sorry, Lord! So sorry that I am not more gracious toward the cup that's being offered. I really do love You. Really do trust You. Really do KNOW that You have my best interest at heart! If You want me to.... I'll take this cup. But I'll take it saying what Your Son once said, "Father, if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done"... because I trust in You!... believe in You!... know You enough!


And... no matter, I'll still praise my Savior... who always and all ways and in all things works EVERYTHING out for GOoD for those that love Him! I DO love Him.... so I cannot wait, I anticipate, that GOOD that He's working out in this "all thing" that He's giving me!
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