A scrambled up head?

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I evidently write a lot, regardless if I have the time to finish the thoughts for an actual posting or not. Looking back over them now I saw that I have 187 drafts in the works!!! Let me say that once again, I have one-hundred-and-eighty-seven drafts in the works! :) Things that I started and for some reason stopped before I completed them, or simply failed to "publish" them... drafts with titles like:

• It's not worth the hurry!
• I couldn't shut my mind up!
• Tenjooberrmuds???
• My dog missed me too!
• Why Sarah? And not Abraham?
• He pursued his brother!
• working... rats...
• What do you do in the Mean-time?
• Are you helping? Or are you enabling?
• Your letter!
• For girls only! Graphic details.
• The wild thing about it.
• Are you suffering from....
• The first thing he did.
• Do you need to get rid of a lot?
• A fork in the road
• Being in~visible
• lQQk!
• I'm a security threat? Seriously?
• Seeking a high!
• Who would have "thunk" it?!
• Fear... FULL!
• The Jelly-Belly Battle!
• Be angry and...
• Called into work on vacation. It happens.
• I'm a different dresser than I used to be
• Often easier said than done
• The obstacle might not be him. Yikes! It just might be ME...
• We lost a lot, but not one drop of blood.
• 20 plus years with Prince Charming
• My "im"possible is His "Him" possible!
• What if Faith dies?
• The call of an "all but"
• The difference between hope and faith.
• I'm moving on...
• Time traveling... again?... without knowing I was headed in that direction
• Just a lot of stuff, not big stuff, just crazy stuff..
• Abraham in class tonight
• There's a snake in the pond... but wings of protection
• He's chosen me!
• Dis-tracted! It doesn't take much to turn our heads.
• Scared.... but believing!
• Don't take another step!
• A stayed mind?
• Wow, I'm not Jesus!
• Sulking in sorrow... and enjoying the stay there!
• A mixed up world!
• A will is not a might!
• Where will you take them?
• A teeny tiny glimpse (after He's chosen me)
• Sometimes our sayer shouldn't be saying
• Can I honor that?
• Please forgive me... I'm just having a 'how did I get there' moment!
• You throwed up!
• Who's for lunch?
• A "culture of sorrow" (as Melissa called it)
• A task too big!
• Yep! Big things! Small things! In-between things!
• Do you really read the same book everyday?
• Be still and know!
• I see beautiful different than I used to
• As I began my day...
• I'm trying to live beyond myself!
• Fired-Up!
• Trapped!
• Again?
• Evil... used for His Glory
• See the tool as a tool
• I wouldn't trade 'em for the world!
• It's not the time we thought... it's a different time
• I don't know my 'nother name
• Thinking about running away... do you want to come?
• Kyle Lake's last Sermon
• Dear Egg-Head
• Lessons from a Lego
• We create our own boxes
• Which button would you press?
• I don't care who you are.
• Shooshy...
• "I'm waiting on You." "No. I'm waiting on you."
• "Mom, the joy of the Lord is your strength!"
• Love. Period. Love. We're called to love. Love. Period!
• The battle rages....
• Are you sure?
• Woman, why are you crying?
• What's your "this"?
• If He can?
• What's the "lying" saying to you?
• He's always saving me from something
• I don't know that there's a greater gift than prayer
• Drinking... and how the enemy wants to use it
• For Heaven's sake DON'T WATER IT!
• Jars of clay
• Will you really?
• Do you see what I see?
• Thank FULL!
• It's just another day
• Call me!
• Being "found out"
• Don't they know I cry too?
• Bells! One word can open a whole box of wonder!
• When words won't say
• The power of a mood!
• When people you know become people you knew
• Ow! Ow! Ow! That hurt!
• Wait for it... Wait for it...
• I do...
• So sweet... and sudden scares!
• They're not going to believe me
• My morning was wild.
• Is it right?
• Oh... this is funny!
• Questions!
• A closed door
• Crying....
• I've been a mad woman...
• He couldn't let it go.
• You're to HELP your brother!
• The whoa of God's Word!
• Quit biting! You'll devour each other!
• Our battle is not against flesh and blood
• Just KNOW!
• HaPpY BIRTH day!
• I MISS seeing this car in my drive!
• I wanted to cry...
• Do you think the guise of pretension  excuses us?
• E.O.S.ing... next Sunday! Going home after 15 years!
• Oh how sweet! How precious to me!
• A traveler of time (pt 1) Where am I? Which time am I in?
• A traveler of time (pt 2) It's harder than you think
• A traveler of time (pt 3) One minute I'm fine, the next, I'm somewhere else.
• A traveler of time (pt 4) Dead things aren't always continuously dead.
• "Oh? So there is hope?"
• I don't want to be friends with it!
• I can't wait! I WANT TO SEE HER!
• When love grows cold
• Anticipating a: Miqreh Qarah!
• A puppet for evil
• Oh no! I've locked my keys in my vehicle!
• Was it worth it?
• Oops! NOT a good idea! DON'T TURN there!
• "He may be bad, but he's mine!"
• Week on...
• The Signature of the Spirit
• Seems like the world would stop a minute.
• Don't look down!
• I don't know the how.. but I know the Who!
• Imagination... a made-up mind!
• Lying in bed thinkin....
• What would who say about you?
• What do you want to be when you grow up?
• Arrgh... it's all I can think of!
• They're everywhere!... when you open your eyes to see them
• Ow! That hurt!
• You just rang a bell you can't unring.
• "Hey baby!"
• Woe! The plunge was DEEEEP!
• What a fascinating day it's been!
• Big girl panties
• I need a dress!
• I need food!
• What died... and what direction did you go with it?
• How embarrassing! But. apology excepted!
• God defend New Zealand!
• Where's you look looking?
• Six days????
• Trusting still... when we can't make things make sense
• This is for you.
• Only this much.
• Woe.. I wish I hadn't started that!

Bless my heart, it sounds like I've got such a crooked head! :) And just maybe, perhaps before more writing, I need to go through some old drafts, and either post some... or weed some of them out instead?? But you know, as much as I had written, there's so much more that I wish I had! So many recent things too precious not to pen! Though I didn't have the time to, nor the words perfect enough to tell of it. My heart's been so full! Its feelings have felt so big! As huge as it's been and as much as it's tendered and as deep as it's touched, I've not been able to tell of the sweetness of the inmates in the prisons this season! I so often get in my car to leave their caged places and either grin all the way home... or cry at the pure awe of God's great goodness! What an honor I'm given there! What a privilege! I cannot thank my God enough for blessing me so with those precious people! They make my heart soar! Oh Lord, I thank you so much!


And now... I think I'll go "weed"!

Whoa! What's it's hurry!

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Wow. Christmas comes. And it goes!!! Very rapidly. Hurriedly... as if it's running from or to something. Or, as if it's running a race. It whisks in... in what seems like a minute... and it whisks out even faster. Before you're able to catch it, or hold it, or enjoy it too long, it's been here, and it's gone............ It was good. And I miss it already.


The tinsel, the tree, the twinkling, the lights, the ornaments, the shopping, the wrapping, the packages, the food, the feast!, the bellies left stuffed full and jingling, the carols being sung, the bells being rung, the chestnuts roasting by open fires...................


Okay. So truth be told, we didn't have any roasting chestnuts on our fire. And in all honesty, we've never had such. BUT, the song sings it and it seemed fitting to print it here. Basically, because for some strange reason, of all the Christmas songs this season, that one stuck in my mind this year. I bet I've sung those lines in my mind a thousand times ("Chestnuts roasting by the open fire. Jack Frost nipping at your nose. Yule tide carols being sung by the choir. And folks dressed up like Eskimos. Everybody knows.........."). Strange how one song will stick... even when, if you had thought about it, if asked, it wouldn't be the song that you'd pick.....


We had a sweet Christmas this year. Simple. Different. We broke all tradition, except going to my mom's.... and that almost didn't happen. It was a last minute change of plans. Daddy wasn't there. We noticed his absence. It was huge! Loud! Very evident! Very felt! Extremely noticed! And yet, even in our missing of him, I think we were more thankful this year (because of him) for those we still had. (God definitely has a way of working things out like that.)


We had that "lots and lots and lots of the Presence" that I'd hoped and asked for! God showed up and made it happen in the surprising (last minute) ways that He does! Yes, I already said it was sweet... but truly, I can't tell you how sweet it really was.


It's been a challenging year. A painful one. And in that, there's more beauty found in the simple, the little things, the things that are at other times often left for granted. I think it's that "joy cometh in the morning" (Ps 30:5) kind of a thing.... And yet, every time I hear or think of that verse I see it as, 'joy cometh in the mourning'...... because wildly, somehow, most times, it does. There's a tendered sweetness that often come out in the suffering. Perhaps that's God's "very present help in times of trouble" (Ps 46:1) showing out?! :) And too, another verse that seems evident is, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matt 5:4).


One observation that was new to me this year from all the years past was this: With every next Christmas you have every one of the old ones come back to visit. They "present" themselves all over again, as if wrapped up again for you to reopen it. I realized that I had only had 48. Not so many. This year's made my 49th! And my kids.... they've only had 17, and 18, and 21. I wanted to know what they remembered of their Christmas' past??? (They've been such fun! We've been so blessed!) And it's made me want to remember forever to make each Christmas wonderfully memorial! An exciting memory to be reunwrapped and remembered each year upon the next new Christmas morn. (Matter of fact, now that I think about it, I think I recently posted about this thinking before. Funny! Ummm... if so, forgive me, I obviously found myself sitting here unwrapping the already unwrapped already again!)


I'm not sure what your Christmas was like. But even if not a gift was received or was given, we've already been given the Ultimate Gift! Our Christ came! Our Messiah! Our Lord! Our Jesus! Our Savior! Our Deliverer! Our Redeemer! What more do we need? Dare we ever forget the real reason for the season and all that we've already been and continue to be given!


Remember... and sing with me: "Joy to the World, the Lord is come! Let earth receive her King. Let every heart prepare Him room, and Heaven and nature sing.......................... " "O little town of Bethlehem how still we see thee lie, Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the stars go passing by. Yet in thy dark streets shineth the Everlasting Light, the hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight. For Christ is born of Mary and gathered all above. While mortals sleep, the angels keep their watch of wondering love. O morning stars together proclaim the holy birth, and praises sing to God the King and peace to men on earth.........." "The first Noel the angels did say, was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay. In fields where they lay, keeping their sheep, on a cold winter's night that was so deep. Noel Noel Noel Noel, Born is the King of Israel......"


BIG SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!! Because now THAT'S a memory!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I want presents!!! Lots! And loTS! And LOTS of presents.!

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I told the girls in prison last night that when asked, my normal response to "What do you want for Christmas?" is "Oh please, I don't want you to get me anything." I'm normally so into the season of giving, that that's where the thrill  comes from.... it's much more exciting than getting.


But this year it's different. I told them that I told God the other day (and I've told Him several times since) that, "I want lots! I wants lots and lots and lots and LOTs of presents! I want so many presents! I want LOTS and LOTS and LOTS!" They laughed. I'm sure, if they could, they'd like lots of presents too!


And yet, it's not the "presents" (as in gifts) kind of a thing that I'm asking for. I've been asking Him for lots and lots and loads of loads of... not "presents"... but "Presence"! Lord, I want Your Presence! I want lots and lots of Presence this year! Simply put, I want Him! I want to feel Him! I want the thrill and knowing and filling and feeling of His Presence! There's nothing that compares! There's nothing like it! It's the ultimate gift! The ultimate "Present"! Him! Him being The Present by being Present!


I reminded them of the verse in Psalm 46:1, that He is "a very Present Help in times of trouble." And I reminded them, too, of Psalm 139:16 that tells us that "every day ordained for us was written in His Book before any one of them came to be." The New Living Translation words it, "Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." I love those verses... I write of them often.


And with the memory, I often ask God, "every one of them, Lord? Every day? This one too?"


I told the girls that. And then I said that December 25, 2011 of this year (if we live til then) was also written in His Book. He knew where they'd be and why. He knew how they'd feel and what they'd do. And He wrote what He had "ordained" for them, whether they choose to do such or not. And in what He'd fashioned to happen and written, I told them that I doubt it was for them to have a pity party for themselves in prison. I doubt He'd want them moping and sad and feeling sorry for themselves. I imagine, instead, that He'd like to give them lots and lots and lots and lots of Presence! I imagine that He'd like to not only give His Presence to them in abundance, but for Him to give His Presence through them to others that also were "troubled" and in need of His gift! 


I told them to receive lots of Presence.... because He's living inside them if they are His. And not only to receive His Presence.... but to BE His Presence to every inmate around them. They can have a sweeter Christmas this year than they've ever had before, by focusing on Him and the real reason for the season, instead of obsessed and focusing on self and what we can get. Can you imagine the look on our Father's face while He watches them from the Heavens showing His glory through His Presence this year if they'll let Him?!


Immanuel... "God with us"..... And because of the victory on the cross, now Him IN us! Present! Very Present! Presence! How gifted we are this year!


May we feel His Presence... and be His Presence..... and because of that, may the world shine brighter around us this year!
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He LOVES us! He'll NEVER let go!!!

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Wooo!... I LOVE this!!!!!! It's one of my VERY FAVORITESTs FAVORITE songs EVER!!! And then the message that is added to it... WOW! It leaves me speechless at the faithfulness of God despite our unfaithfulness! I love HIS determined and persistent pursuit of us!!!!!!!!!!!! Who could ever imagine the God that loves us like He does???!!!!!!!!!!!


Can you hear God say (as John Piper said) and see Him pointing to you? "I want that man in My family! I'll do anything to get him in My family! I will pay for him to be in My family with My Son's life!" That's love folks! That is mega, off the charts, love!


And then Matt Chandler reminds us when we think God surely doesn't mean me and all my stuff, "God knew you were going to be messy. God knows that you're going to screw up often. He knows that you're going to be drawn to things that are wicked. He knows. That's what the cross is all about. That's the whole point of the cross... is that you're going to fail, and you're going to stumble... and you're going to feel dirty... and you're going to feel awkward. The whole point of Christ's cross is that there be this mighty picture of His love and pursuit of you... despite you."


Bottom line: He loves us! He loves us! Oh, how He loves us!!!! No matter what, and who, and how, and why, and when.... He loves us even then. He loves us before and during and after! He loves us still! And He keeps fighting to win and to free us. Again, He's faithful... even when we're not. He's fighting, even when we don't. He's pursuing, even when we're running from His pursuit. He doesn't give up. He never lets go. He loves us. He loves us. He loves us. Oh, how He loves us......So, what in the world will you do with a God that loves you like that??????????? 
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It's all in a lQQk!

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Life is so confusing, Lord. So complicated at times. So crazy. A lot of dance. A lot of sidesteps. A lot of one step forward and two steps back. A lot of twirl, stayed still in the same spot. A lot of progression. And lot of backward. A lot of fast forward. Pause. Rewind. Replay. Sometimes slo mo. A lot of emotion. A lot of feeling. Sometimes all those feelings felt in the very same day. Sometimes, perhaps, all those same feelings felt all at the very same time.


Anything can prompt it. Anything can push you forward or knock you back. Anything can send you time traveling. Anything can spin you to spiraling. Anything can hit... hard... and unexpected... and knock you out of place. It doesn't take more than a mere second for something to knock you down. Or even another thing, to quickly (in a lickety split minute) to pick you back up. A mood can swing to polar opposites faster than liquid can spill from a cup.... and even without being forewarned that the mood's about to be changed to radically DIFFERENT!


Like gears on a stick shift, glad can be popped into sad... or mad if you gear it just right. And then the next several (who knows how many actually?) miles will be driven by the gear that it's been shifted into. So. Sometimes we get really tired of the Yo-Yo.... and we decide to quit letting the mood steer and drive us. We do just as Jesus has said, we accept the His Word that's been implanted in us that can save us!! We "take every thought captive" and make it obedient to what He's commanded. We renew the mind. And we remind ourselves that the fruit of the Spirit includes self-control... and that we have our God's same Spirit, that Spirit lives inside us, and with His "in" He enables and empowers us! We don't have to be swayed by every blow of the wind. We don't have to be tossed back and forth by the gusts that attempt to cause such turmoil. We let Jesus peace our storm... even while it still rages. And we have the joy of the Lord living inside us, strengthening us despite our flesh nature's weakness.


Goodness! Looking at the icon-ed faces that I pictured above to depict a visual of our faces in our moods. the one thing I noticed about each one... is where the eyes lQQk! Woo... it's a great reminder to keep our faces focused and fixed only on our Savior's (Don't let any other thing TURN YOUR HEAD!), and in our doing so, it'll totally change our lQQks (meaning what our faces lQQk like because of where our faces are lQQking)!!!! :)


What are we thinking by letting every lQQk of the moment control our mood? No wonder we're so tired by the end of the day. No wonder we're so exhausted and worn out. No wonder we're so short tempered. The constant swinging of our heads have mingled our minds to mush!


No more! Let's FIX our lQQks!
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The answer's in the "DO"!

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It's a huge scripture. One that comes to mind a lot. One that I've taught on often. One that is profound and makes perfect sense. One whose equation equals perfection... fulfillment.. satiation... satisfaction.

So why today did I grow so much bigger? More profound? More wow?

Why was I so much more woe-ed in it's wonder?

I don't know. But it did. And I am. I am totally blown away by it's simplicity and it's solution!

It's said in two different places. It starts the verse in both Psalm 34:14 and Psalm 37:27 and says:

 "Turn from evil and do good."

Turn.... depart from.... remove.... put away..... put aside.... leave undone.... retract..... reject.... avoid...... get away.... withdraw..... escape!

It's not hard to grasp. When you see evil, hear evil, taste evil, sense evil, feel evil, do evil, are tempted by evil, know evil is near... STOP! Turn from the way that you're heading. Get out of the way. Run. Think fast. Be quick on your feet. And escape from that trap.

But wait!

Turning from it or avoiding it or leaving it undone isn't enough.

We often "turn" from the evil that lurks... but we fail to complete the rest of the work. We forget the second part's solution. We forget the "and do good." And we're often found falling because of our failure "to do" the "do" and the "good" that we're told to!


Turn from evil and DO g-o-o-d. DO something for someone else. Say a kind word. Take some soup to a sick neighbor. Share your sandwich with one that doesn't have one..........


It doesn't matter what the "good" that you do is... just DO something rather than leaving the second half of the verse undone! I promise you'll feel better. Your turning from evil will bring some feel good, but the DOing good will fill your feeling even fuller!
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I saw God today

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In a world that pretty much always doubts. A world where it seems everything fails and nothing works out. In a world that mostly refuses to hope, because hope "never happens," so it's too painful to. In a world where you feel worthless and nobody much really ever cares for you. God happened! And it was priceless seeing Him and watching Him work.

My goodness at the forces that were working against us. But I saw God today! He came! And we visited Him in prison. And the even sweeter part of that is, is that HE visited us!


It was a somber day. A down-casted one (and I'm talking their faces, not the outside weather). It was sad. Serious. Tender. Painful. Wretching. Raw. Real. The mood was as serious as a heart-attack. Hearts were being laid open. Bleeding. Pounding. Convulsing. Not a dry eye in the room. A room bulging with feeling.

That's when she stood. She's old. Black. Grey. Been there for too many years for her fingers to count the years on. She stood. Opened her mouth. And sang (in the sweetest old black woman's voice): "Oh Lord prepare me... To be a sanctuary... Pure and holy... Tried and true... And with thanksgiving... I'll be a living... Sanctuary... For you....."


Woe... just sit back and ponder those words (each word!) for a second! Prepare me, Lord! Doing whatever it takes to! To be pure and holy. Try me til true!!! And no matter the pain, no matter the fire, no matter the process, I'll thank You until Your success. Make ME a SANCTUARY, Lord, that houses only YOU! (Woo... and sang from the lips and the heart of an old quivering black woman's voice housed inside a Maximum Security Prison. Try that on for size and try to contain yourself while not only hearing it, but feeling it while watching its feeling!)


I saw Jesus in her. And I saw her in Him. And hearts were healed today because of the powerful way and in the humbleness in which our God showed Himself! And in His reminder that in everything He does and is doing, He's still very much at His work!
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Seasoned... just right!

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Seasons and their cycles.... I was thinking: one season brings death, in order for another to bring life to another (there's been a LOT of dying in my life this year!). 


Summer / Fall / Winter / Spring........ It's a cycle put into orbit by our very Creator for a very created purpose! SUMMER's heat often brings about the needed FALL of what must fall to the ground, WINTER's cold brings death to that fallen thing.... then the rains come... and with it comes the SPRINGing to life of something more beautiful than our minds could even fathom. We fight our deaths in our not wanting to die over something that needs to...... not realizing that there's Life that's held inside that very thing that needs to die and that we can't get to it without it's dying. Even our Savior first died to save, so that He could bring Life through His death.

I've decided that I truly want to be seasoned as I need to be. Seasoned just right... Seasoned to perfection.... Seasoned til finished..... to be used powerfully by my Lord... in whatever way He sees fit to! 


Lord, season me..... to make me beautifully fruit-full!

There's more... My God likes to say and so sometimes keeps on saying!

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Woe, at the blessing of God's Word! I love how He talks. I love hearing Him say something, without knowing He's fixing to say! (If you'll look back (click here), I just talked upon this subject yesterday.... but evidently God had more saying...)

And so He continues to say to me this morning...  when I wasn't even looking.

Okay. I was looking. But that's not what I was looking for. I was studying about one thing... but then, my Savior pointed and showed me another! :) How's that for The Word Who came in flesh... and still comes in whatever form He decides to send His Word in!

My assignment was to read Matthew 14:22-33. I was studying about "peace." It just "happened" to be where I was in my homework. (Don't you just love how God does this?)

But!

Though I was thrilled with what I was reading because of a gaboodle of other things in my thinking.... God then chooses to reel it on in and speak to my immediate moment of where I am and where I've been... and to get on to me (as in reprimand!) a bit in the process.

:)

The passage mentioned above talks about Peter walking on the water. I'm sure the homework's purpose (which I've been sidetracked and so as of yet have not yet gotten to) was to talk about Jesus "peacing".. or Him stilling the storm.

I was enthralled (again!) by the scriptures that specify that it was when Peter "saw the wind" against him that he began to sink....

Woe! The lesson there is: watch where you're looking! Never take your eyes off your Savior's!

Jesus then asked him, "You of little faith," Peter, "why did you doubt" me? Hmm... indeed! When knowing all that we do of our Savior, why do we doubt Him?

We've been weathering a storm with some brutal beatings from the winds for some time now, so the message fit perfectly with our season. "Oh ye of little faith, why do you doubt?" And too, as God would so perfectly have it, it fits with my yesterday's word... reminding me not to doubt Him! Reminding me that He's able to do what He's said! Reminding me to believe the thing that He's told me! I won't say that He's being a smart-aleck, because that might be too irreverent.... but it seems it comes close. I know that He's making a point to address my doubting the promising word that He gave to me, when surely I have no reason to doubt Him and should always continue (no matter how long it takes) to believe the things that He tells me!


Now, if He continues to bring all of this up for a 3rd day in a row tomorrow, you'll know (I'LL KNOW!!!) that He is incredibly serious and not in the least bit playing!


I do believe You, Lord! And I am thrilled beyond measure that sometimes You spend Your time overly exaggerating and encouraging me to!!!
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Nostalgic!

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Tis the season for nostalgia.... and the mood that (without warning!) I found myself in on my long drive home alone in the dark tonight. Christmas carolers singing their Christmas songs on the radio..... "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... just like the one you used to know....." "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost nipping at your nose.........."I'll have a blue Christmas without you............."  


Nostalgia.... what is it exactly? I found it defined as:

1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
2. The state of being homesick.
3. A wistful or EXCESSIVELY sentimental YEARNING for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition.
4. The elusive word "nostagia" is formed from two Greek roots: nostos ("return home") and algia ("pain").
5. It's akin to the Greek word neisthai that means to return.

Like it said, tis the season often for a return of pain.... a season for longing for something or someone from the past.... a season of yearning for the return of some past period or irrecoverable condition. Tis often the nostalgic season that those jingling bells ring right on up in all of us.

What is it about holidays, birthdays, special days that brings nostagia out to envade? It can be previously dealth with, buried, dead, done, a closed chapter, healed, seemingly totally gotten over, forgotten......... when a mean day on the calendar raises that thing back out from its grave?

Auld Lang Syne - means "old time since," or more precisely, "long long ago." "In the days of auld lang syne" is the equivalent of our modern day's way of saying it as: "Once upon a time."

Old Long Syne

by James Watson

Should Old Acquaintance ["Once upon a time"] be forgot,

and never thought upon;

The flames of love extinguished,

and fully past and gone:

Is thy sweet heart now grown so cold,

that loving breast of thine;

That thou canst never once reflect

on Old long syne ["once upon a time"].....

One of my favorite songs forever for this season was Dan Fogelberg's Same Old Lang Syne. Last year was the first Christmas season in all the years past that I don't recall hearing it. The song sings like this:

Met my old lover in the grocery store

The snow was falling Christmas Eve

I stole behind her in the frozen foods

And I touched her on the sleeve.

She didn't reconize the face at first

But then her eyes flew open wide

She went to hug me and she spilled her purse

And we laughed until we cried.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand

The food was totalled up and bagged

We stood there lost in our embarrassment

As the conversation dragged.

We went to have ourselves a drink or two

But couldn't find an open bar

We bought a six-pack at the liquor store

And we drank it in her car.

We drank a toast to innocence

We drank a toast to now

And tried to reach beyond the emptiness

But neither one knew how.

She said she'd married her an architect

Who kept her warm and safe and dry

She would have liked to say she loved the man

But she didn't like to lie.

I said the years had been a friend to her

And that her eyes were still as blue

But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw

Doubt or gratitude.

She said she saw me in the record stores

And that I must be doing well

I said the audience was heavenly

But the travelling was hell.

We drank a toast to innocence

We drank a toast to now

And tried to reach beyond the emptiness

But neither one knew how.

We drank a toast to innocence

We drank a toast to time

Reliving in our eloquence

Another 'auld lang syne'...

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired

And running out of things to say

She gave a kiss to me as I got out

And I watched her drive away.

Just for a moment I was back at school

and felt that old familiar pain

And as I turned to make my way back home

The snow turned into rain.....

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind......

For years it rated as my favorite song. The one that brought the tears the most, because it traveled me back in time. An old 'flame' once told me when we were breaking up that we'd meet again somewhere. He reminded me of this song and said it would be us and I'd see him in a grocery store. I never did see him there, though it wasn't from lack of trying. But now instead of that song bringing tears, it brings a smile from the memory.

I remember telling him once that the snow always turns into rain. I was sad when I said it. I felt defeated in my happiness. It seemed that happiness was overrated, because happiness was most often stolen.

Living in the south we rarely have snow. It's too early to imagine it at all here this year, but I didn't hope for it last year at all; it's so rare it never crossed my mind. But snow it did. My youngest daughter had gone to my mom's and tweeted on her way back, "Is that rain I see? Or has the rain turned into snow?" Woe! That gave me the greatest grin! I can't even begin to tell you of the feeling it sent. I thought, "Wow! I thought the snow always turned into rain. But sometimes the rain turns into snow!" I don't know.... for some craZy reason, I just felt the need to say so today. What's even crazier is how quick something can send the brain back in time before it even knew that it'd soon be traveling.................. In all honesty, I think I traveled all 48 Christmas' in my years past and rolled them all up to visit them all at the very same time... as if sitting down in front of the tree at one Christmas and visiting them all as they danced and performed before me while I sat. And it dawned on me, I've only had 48 Christmas'. That's really not so many! I wondered how many Christmas' I'd have left? And I thought of the few that my children have had already. Then, too, realizing how a Christmas' memory always comes up every year for a new visit.... it made me want to start making sure that I made them the best memories ever made! I want them to be happy, thrilled,... I want them to be always able to smile at the memory. Because, as I've already said, no matter how great or how bad or how small or how many, they'll all be back! They'll all be wrapped up again and presented like a present to be unwrapped in the head with every new next year after it!


Nostalgia.............. it can be a very nice present. Tonight I enjoyed it's visit.  :)


Okay... so I'm at my "weird" again! I told my son just now as he was calling me 'weird' about something else I'd just said, that he's surely gonna miss all my weirdnesses after I'm not here to be weird anymore. Forgive me for the times that my weird's "too much." :)
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"Did God really say?"... Yes, indeed, it looks like He did!

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Interesting! Oh my, and superbly so!


I don't know what prompted my thought to even go there. It went to a thing that I have been believing God to do for years! I mean, it's been a very long time! And with each day that passes, the possibility looks even more improbable and impossible. It was something that I was once so sure about! Something that I knew that I knew! Something that I felt told to me precisely from God Himself in His Word over and over and over and over and over again! And it seemed that every time that He'd tell me, I wasn't even looking for it. I wasn't even asking. And a zillion times throughout all those years, He'd do something to confirm it at every turn!


But for some odd reason, the reminder of it popped into my brain as I was painting this face of mine this morning. And that's when I said to Him, "I don't know anymore, Lord. I just don't know. I'm just not as sure about it as I used to be." And I quit talking. But my mind still wondered....... I remember thinking, "It's okay, God, if it's not as I thought it was."


And within seconds.... (and I mean, just a couple of them!)... without me having a clue that God was planning on addressing my wonder! Having no inkling of an idea of all that God was fixing to answer it! He said to me (in the voice of the one teaching a lesson that I had just plugged in to listen to, not having any idea what would be on it for me to hear). Here's what I heard (mind you, the subject I had been listening to was about when storms overtake our lives. I'm currently living in a storm, I sure could relate to the subject! That's what I thought He'd be addressing, NOT the thing that I just said and nonchalantly put before Him.)


Okay.... now don't forget what I'd just said to God.... and immediately the teacher points our what God has said in Acts 27:25, "So keep your courageous, dear brothers, for I have faith in God that it will happen to me just as he told me." Wooo! Powerful enough! But then she says, "Now I'm about to say something that to some that is new, this is going to lose you for just a second. But let me talk to the others that have been around for a long time for a minute. Some of us have gotten a clear word from that God that we have given up on. It may have been five years ago. It may have been ten years ago. What did He say to you? I've come to ask you today, what did God tell you? Did you know at the.... I mean, did you know that you knew? Did you get a confirmation? My guess is that for many of you in this room that got a clear word from God, that every time you turned around God used something else to confirm it. Am I speaking to anybody here? Then, I'm going to ask you a question, do you still believe Him for that word? Or have you given up on it? Because He's said, you take Me at My word and you believe that what I have said to you will come to pass! Luke 1:45 (MY SCRIPTURE!!! One of the ones that He gave me eons again about this very matter!), "Blessed is SHE [Not he! I love that it is she!]... Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished"!!! Someone has come this very night just to hear from God, that He is still going to do what He told you He was going to do. Do not give up! It is a matter of timing........................"


Well................. do I feel spoken to or what? Do I feel I just heard a fresh word from God about an old one or what? I'm not sure, Lord???? Well, evidently, the Lord is sure! And He is wanting to make a very loud and vivid point to remind me of it!


"Did the Lord really say?" (Big smile!) Yes! I can truly say that He's said! He still speaks. And after He's said, He's really, really, really good at often saying again after He's said it!


Thank You, Lord, today for re-saying to me! I believe!!! How could I not continue to after the so many times that You've said it? I love how You're Faithful even in my sometimes weeble-woobling-unfaithfulness. Oh, how I love Your Word..... and Your Word that keeps on saying! Your Word that accomplishes what You sent it forth to do. I so love that You speak! And I love, that despite our doubt, You keep right on speaking it!
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On? or Off? Sometimes a wishy-washy wardrobe

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The inmate had no idea that she was teaching me as she was doing so. I was sitting behind her.... and because of what she was showing me, quickly writing down the lesson's visual. :)


She had her coat on when the video began. Not too far into it, she took it off. A little while later, I saw her putting it back on again. I smiled. It's then that I began to write things down:


You want your coat both on and both off. When it gets hot (the heat, the fire comes), you strip it off. When it gets cold (you get scared), you put it back on again. Make up your mind on what you want to wear! Do you want to wear it or not? I want you to wear Me all the time! (Hear it spoken as if spoken by the Lord.)


In Colossians 3:5-15 our God says this, "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry... You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves [put off] of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.... Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which bind them all together in perfect unity."



You know, sometimes we only wear His wardrobe when it's our mood of the moment to wear it. But when dislike or fury comes (or even lack of understanding), it's then that we're tempted to strip  OFF the compassion and kindness and patience that we're told to "clothe" ourselves with!? Do we only wear our "patience" when we really don't need any... but take it off again when our patience is being tested? Have we forever truly taken off our anger and slander and filthy language... until we find ourselves in prime opportunity to use it.... when someone has done something against us? Do we put on and take off according to the "whether" (whether things are heated up in here, or whether I've now got some distance between us and I've cooled off for the minute)?


If you're saved, if you're a child of The King.... you're also the Bride of Christ! Dress like one! And by all means (and in all mean!!!.... and in the mad of the moment!), don't forget... keep your dress on! :)
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A new heart.....

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I was watching a rerun from an old TV series that I had never heard of before (I don't watch a lot of TV, I'm illiterate when it comes to what's what... what's good, what's not.... And I always miss the popular stuff).


Anyway, on this particular show, in this particular episode, this little foster child was sick and needed a heart transplant. The thing of it is, the parents that were fostering her decided to back out.... it cost too much of everything to keep taking care of this child.


The attorney in the show decides to adopt her himself. She'll die without anyone adopting her. They won't give her a heart if she has no willing parents and none to take care of her.


The little girl asks the attorney why he would adopt her? He says to her, "Because you need a heart..................." And then, he stops. He doesn't say so in these words, but what his words didn't say, but meant, was this: "Because you need a heart................. and I need one too!"


He'd been a bit of a cold-hearted kind of a guy. Hard-hearted. Tough. Very stand-offish. His heart had been hurt. His heart had been broken and stomped on. In his attempt to protect it, he'd hardened it, closed it off, shielded it completely from others. But his heart was being tendered toward hers. And in him taking her in and helping her find a heart.... he would find his. They would both benefit and end up having new heart transplants.


Sadly... she didn't get the heart. She died on the operating table before they could ever get her new heart in. The attorney cried.... She didn't get her heart, but in the process of his helping, he got his...............


You have to give your heart away (even if it gets hurt in the process) to have one. It takes our hearts meshing with another's to heal it, to make it whole, to make it well.... to make life worth living.
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I love what he was.... his "was" still lingers

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My daddy left this world to live in the next one seven months (202 days) ago. Still, I miss him every day. I miss seeing the body that he used to live in. The empty place now laid down... that God once dwelt! (It's weird to imagine it.)


Wow... what a temple that was! I miss his in-dwelling there (my daddy's)! And I miss Him (God), dwelling inside my dad's skin, as well. You could say that God looked good on him. Or, that my daddy wore God well! He often reflected His face! He shared His same compassion. He was a loving man, a merciful man, a man full of God's grace and was quick to disperse such to the one  of the moment in front of him that needed it. He was a giving man. Generous beyond measure! And so wise.... his face focused and bent looking intently in and searching the Scriptures all those hours and years dearly paid off! I've heard older men call him Solomon because of his wisdom. He was strong. Solid. Steady. Steadfast. And totally loved His Savior!


He wasn't perfect. In his earlier years, he was quick to anger. But he was very forgiving once you asked. He didn't hold grudges or sin against you. He believed what's done is done, what's past is past, and now it's time to move on from that and go forward. There was no excuse for sin, or tolerance for it, but like I said, he was super forgiving... and super QUICK to forgive it!



Jars of clay..... what fragile material to carry such precious cargo in!


I miss seeing my Father's face in my earthly father's.............. but I'm a better me both because of the example he was... and the Face that he showed me!


[FYI: The picture posted to the right pictures my oldest daughter and her daddy (my sweet husband of 26 years). I have to say that I am proud of him (and of course, her!)... he also reflects her Father's face well! We see Jesus in him every single day. How blessed I am and my children are! Lord, who would have thought it? Thank You for so much! Thank You today, Lord, for living in skins... that we can see, and hug, and hear, and hold, and touch!!!]
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Does dies?

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While texting the word "does" today, T9 suggested I type "dies". Hmmm... only a single letter difference. I thought it interesting from the moment I saw it. I've been thinking about it all day. I wondered: Do you have to die to actually do? Or. Do you die because you don't do? Does doing require dying of some kind to get something done that is worthy? Is life not worth it, if we're not doing good of some sort, does something inside us die? Does dies? Does it really? (FYI: when sharing such thoughts with my sister, she kindly kept her silence, but shook her head from my weird way of thinking.)


After pondering upon that thought for a while a lady called me. She was preparing to speak to a church group about helping the prisoners. She needed some insight on what to say. She wanted to pick my brain.


It's after I got off the phone that I begin thinking: We pass them by! The striped and beaten and robbed and left for dead people. We pass them by! And sometimes, especially in this season. 


We pass them by on our way to buy presents. On our way to a party. On our way to grab coffee. We can't donate a few dollars to them, because we need that money to go get our hair done. We've got to get food prepared... so that we can feed the already fed. So we can give to the already gotten... those that don't really need it. So we can share the season with those that already have someone to share it with. We pass by those that need it the most.... simply because we fail to see them. In our hustle and bustle and all full of good cheer.... we don't see them in our blindness, they never cross our minds. Or if they do, we might put a few dollars in the Salvation Army's bucket as they sit ringing the bell by the door when we run into Cosco. What are we missing? Why don't we see them? What if they were someone we loved? What if one day one year one of them were us?


Like I said, I don't think we mean to. We're joyful in our season. We sing our "Merry Christmas's"... and we truly mean it. But look what James says... and while looking, see if it fits you: 


"What good is it my brothers, if a man claims to have faith, but has no deeds" [In other words, but does not "do"... (As we're referring to it today: but has no "does")]? "Can such faith save him?"  Woe, listen to this part, "Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accomplished by action, is dead" (James 2:14-17). 


What good is it? What good is your faith? Who benefits from you because you love Jesus? One version asks, "what does it profit (when)... ye give them not"? What good is it... when you do nothing? I want to be a giver. I don't want to be a giver-not. Dare I be (without meaning to be) a do-nothing-er!!!


Does your "does" do? Or, is your "does" dead? As we wish our "Merry Christmas's" this season... let's make sure to remember to put our hands where our mouth is. :)
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How can I stop her???

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"It's desire is to have you! You think it's your desire to have it, but sister, don't fool yourself... it's desire is to have you!"


I told her that.


I was as kind as I could be.


But. 


How can I tell her? 


Her eyes said that she wasn't listening. Her facial expressions told me that she didn't want to. Her mannerisms revealed repulsion. I might as well have been talking to a wall.... a duck... a shoe... a post... a TV screen... a commercial... a fly on the wall.... not talking at all!


I was begging her not to do one thing, while I knew in a minute that I'd be watching her do another. How can you stay a person from doing something, when one doesn't want to be stopped from it?


I HATE drugs! I HATE drinking! I HATE what it does to you! Where it takes you! What its hope is to do to you. Yet, so many fall for it. So many are trapped by it. So many jump right back into it after getting pulled out of it! Even after they know! What is its attraction that has such hold? What is it about people that thwarts their freedom and seeks again to be held captive?....


How long? How long? What will it take until they realize? What will it take to make them see? What will it take until they might hear? Why isn't prison enough? Why do they tempt and toy with this thing until they play with it enough and go right back in?


You know, God tells us that a dog will go back to his vomit ("As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly" - Pro 26:11). He does. And we often do. What, I wonder, is in the vomit.... that we'll go back to it and eat it again... and again..... and again..... and again?
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