Thursday, June 10, 2010

Okay... who am I kidding??? I'm SCARED!

God is so sweet in His reminders!

But I'm scared!

And though He tells us "to fear not."... is it okay if we still "fear"? 

How about... if we still "fear," but walk anyway? For that's where I am. Fearful... yet willing to go to where I've been called. Trusting my God to equip with the sending. Knowing He will, because of all of the past times that He's not failed me. Still... it's out of my comfort zone, but I know it's not out of His! I promise I'm going... but honestly, I really, really, really am still very, very scared!!!!

I am to speak at a mens' prison tomorrow for their Pre-Release Program. I must admit, I am the most unlikely candidate to be chosen for this job. Humanly speaking it's pretty ridiculous for me to do so. But God doesn't necessarily "choose" who we would! Me, being the prime example in this scenario. God is into choosing the "foolish things of this world to confound the wise." I am definitely a foolish thing chosen!

But "chosen" I am and God was kind enough and GOoD enough and gracious enough to remind me of it.. in the wildest of ways ever! IF ONLY you knew of my past weekend!!! It's too much to tell here at the moment. But I do hope to share some of it soon... that is, if my schedule will let me.
God knowing my weakness, my fear, my conscious awareness of my inadequacy, my wobbling-wonder-of-oh-my-goodness because of my tomorrow's assignment.... God evidently chose to gift me with a "me-seeing-God-see-me" moment on my way to work this morning. How constantly awed I am in my Savior! Here's what He did...

The lesson that God spoke to me on the radio as I drove into work was on how He provides for is in our inadequacies! The speaker talked of Moses standing at the burning bush asking God, "Who I am" to go and to do what God was telling him to? It was about God choosing the most unlikely people to use. And how God always equips with the sending. How He's always our strength in our weakness. How He never fails us in our obedience to Him.

I wanted to cry on my drive. To think of the extend that He went to to set that all up. To plan it so perfectly. To time it so exactly. To make sure I was tuned into the station. To make sure I heard! Wow, to think that He cares when I'm scared and that He wants to settle and calm my nerves! I suppose that's an example of His being a "very present help in times of trouble" to those that cry out to Him! He hears me! He sees me! He WILL prepare and equip me! Whoa at the wonder of our God!

And now... now would be a good time, Lord! Morning comes early... and as for this moment, I haven't a clue of what You're wanting me to say! I pray for the words. And I pray for every ear on every man that will hear them! I ask You to tender their hearts! And to let them hear You speaking to them no matter what words actually fall from my lips.  I soo know that You love them. Help them to somehow see Your love through my skin while I'm standing there. Make me an instrument of Yours, a burning bush that shows the consuming wondering fire of my God... and make them want to know You and love You and serve You when done. Light a fire inside them that wants to make a difference in this life until You take them to the eternal one. Dying to self so our Savior can Live in it!

Oh Lord, I want to love these guys like You do! I really do want to see them past their skin! To see them past what they've done. To love them regardless. And to see what they can become! Help me tonight as I lay sleeping to LOVE these guys beyond measure! Give me an overwhelming compassion for them! A tenderness toward them! A love inside that defies man's reasoning. Fill me up to love them with Your love and not mine! And, Lord, help those men to feel it!

Funny, they won't have a clue that I am crying over them now. Sitting alone on my bed with You talking about them! That I take it so seriously! Thank You, Father, for giving me a heart for them! For those You sent Your Son to die in order to save! Oh Lord, please get me past myself and let me be fully useable and open and assessable for You to use! Help my focus not be on ME and my fear... but help me to be totally consumed and focused on those that You're sending me to! How honored I am that You'd pick and use my skin! May I honor You back in the way I allow You to! Let me only be the vehicle tomorrow that Jesus rides in! And Jesus, may I scoot over so that You can do Your thang! Bless 'em mightily! Bless 'em royally! And may they hear You calling their name! May they not be able to resist the drawing of their Savior! What a God we serve!

In the glorious and mighty name of the Jesus I love!

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