Wednesday, March 31, 2010

My yesterday's feeling.

My goodness, yesterday was huge! Full of emotion! I was one continual emoting emotional feeling!!! Seriously, if you saw me this morning you would see for yourself yesterday's proof. I'm wearing the affects in my look! My eyes are fiery red and are burning immensely. But I wouldn't trade the vastness of my yesterday's filling of feelings for anything!

The man that I am voluntarily assisting right now is also a psychiatrist. So without necessarily meaning to he analyzes your every movement, every word said, every high, every low, and every erratic feeling for sure.... it's just by default, it's in his nature, it's what he used to do... and so even now still does.

I guess he has not until now met the likes of me yet! He certainly hasn't a clue how to take me. I emailed him my tear spilling news of joy about one of our girls being granted parole. He emailed me back a short reply. I returned another quick email. And then, he emailed again. Simply telling me this time, "Would you like to come here and talk.... I am clear.... What is really going on....?"

I shakeningly laughed when I read it. Shaking still from the excitement inside. I (again) wrote him back, "No. It really is because of my thrill for this girl. I just FEEL BIG! I'm a big feeler! I feel BIG about everything! Dare you forget that it was my "passion" that you said drew you to me in the first place to incorporate me into this work. May I NEVER lose that and become desensitized to it and lose the awe of this wonder."

Later I told him that I live scared to death of it... but always excited. I told him, "As long as I'm walking where God wants me to walk, I can trust Him to equip and do what He wants to! When I feel He's not in it, I'm outta here. But until then, I'm up for the duration! He's teaching me... and that's a good thing."

Like I said, I think I left him scratching his head totally baffled, still quizitivedly wondering. He's not used to me yet. I guess his feelers don't feel on the same scale as my feelings do! :)

I wasn't supposed to get to visit the prison today. Our group is "pre-testing" for the next study that we're about to embark upon. The man I am volunteering under doesn't allow us to come on those days. I've asked him if I could before, and his answer has always been "no." I so badly wanted to see this newly parole-granted friend! I wanted to share in her thrill, to tell her how thrilled I was, to just bask in this prayed-for moment together! Afraid of the answer if I asked, I didn't bother. Instead, I went to God. I asked God to move Mr. B. to invite me. And before yesterday's afternoon came to an end, I got an email from Mr. B's blackberry. Only two words were texted. He simply said: "Come tomorrow!"

I nearly died when I saw it! I knew God had listened and heard and cared and moved him! Still to this minute I can hardly contain myself. I am still speechless (well, ALMOST speechless (LOL)) with wide-eyed whoa-ed wonder of my Father! Just look what He does.... and He did!!!

Today was another day of incredible! In order to keep from overwhelming others I try to stifle most of my feelings while around them. But once by myself, my inside boils out.... and again I am totally besides myself.... the liquidized filling (tears) spilling out everywhere because of the overwhelmingness of these feelings that shakes me to spill them!

The girl was ecstatic! She couldn't stop grinning. I couldn't either. And she was just about as "speechless" as I've been! (LOL!) She was talking 90 miles a minute. She would have talked more, but she too had to control herself, for after all, didn't I say they were testing.

Wow! Fifteen years behind bars, but soon to be out soon! Can you imagine the freedom she feels? Oh Lord, bless her in her endeavors! Keep You in the forefront of her mind, her thoughts, her thinking, her actions ALWAYS! May she stay seated at Your feet! Continually bathe in Your Word! Talk with You constantly. And look to and trust You for every next step! May her awe of You never waver! And, Lord, may You use her to shine the whoa-ing wonder of Your Glory! In Jesus' Name, I pray! Amen!


  1. A psychiatrist and a man. Yeah, I wonder if he will ever get you. ;) I don't know if this man is a Christian but it does get me thinking. Jesus was always surprising people with His responses and never gave the answer the expected but what they needed. Keep them guessing and they will always be asking questions and eventually will find The Answer. ;)

  2. Was that lame? I like quarky sayings but some times they are cheesy. :)