We had been praying for the son of one of my inmate moms that had been charged with manslaughter. Earlier in February the jury found him guilty of the crime... though it's also based on heresay..... she says he did / he says he didn't. Nobody but God knows for sure. We have been awaiting the judges decision in his sentencing. Last week his mom found out that the judge sentenced him with the Death Penalty.
Oh my! Can you imagine?
His mom came to class last week only long enough to say that she couldn't come to class. She was too horrified. Devastated. Crushed. Heartbroken. And for a moment "hope deferred." She was totally soddened in sorrow, drenched in depression, hunched in hopeless. I felt sorry for her. I wanted to do something. But I can't.
I personalized it. I kept thinking of my son, and what if that were him? How would that feel? It's beyond me. Thankfully over my head. I cannot fathom. Nor really do I want to.
Not only was she heartsick over her son. But she feels guilty. She's been incarcerated since he was very little, very young. Her crime was due to the influence of drugs. His was too. Not only wasn't she there to be a mother to him, but she feels responsible for the habit she passed down to him.
I worried about her all week and wondered how I would find her the next. She looked better. I asked her about it. I asked her if she had been able to hear from him? What she was thinking? How he was emotionally? How his relationship with God was?
To the last question she answered, "Oh my, he is so close to God. He is so trusting and relying on Him. He is the one that has been trying to console and pick me up. He told me, "Moma, what did we pray? And can't we still trust God with my life in His hands when it isn't the answer we would have chosen?""
Wow. That's coming from a boy... maybe 22 years old, judged with a Death Sentence... yet still trusting His Savior!