It's what I wanna say.... yet, I want to say so much more. It doesn't seem big enough or wide enough or deep enough for sure!
The thought takes me back to when I first became one. Well, it takes me to even before then. I takes me to the moment to the very first time when I knew I would be! The pink on the stick that gave the verdict of what lie so quietly inside me. That proof in the color that gave evidence of the knitting that our God had recently begun!
Can you imagine?
I couldn't image!
It was too big for me.
We hadn't planned it yet. Hadn't discussed it yet. Hadn't yet gotten to the point that we knew we wanted to start working toward a family. I mean, we always knew we wanted children.... but the planning was scary! The timing uncertain! The seriousness of it intimidating! The fear of not knowing what to do, when to do, or how to do it was overwhelming!
It happened anyway! God planned what was taking us too long to! (I love how He works!)
The most amazing thing happened! On September 9, 1990 after a harrowing horrible labor, I loved with a love that I'd never felt before! It was pure. Sincere. Unmeasurable. Indescribable. Protective. Sacrificial. Wonderful. So big it hurt!
I remember the first day my firstborn was born.... then my second... and finally my third. I stared into each of their faces, trying to see what they were thinking, amazed at the miracles they were! Ecstatic that these babes were mine! That they came from and were incubated from my body. My body missed them immediately when they were gone!
To hear their cries and to know that they want you, that they're calling for you, that they need you.... for all the things that they do! They want your help, your encouragement, your approval, your insight, your advice, your kisses, your hugs, your love, your labor, your attention, your laughter, your teaching, your answers to whys and whats and whens, your e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!!!!!! And as a mom, you can't help but to, you willingly give it! It's an honor! It's a joy! You love to! You look for what to do next!
I think of mine, my mama,.... and the blessings she's been! The love she gave. The sacrifices she's made. The hours she's devoted. The wounds she's dressed. The medicine she's given. The doctor she's been. The cook, the seamstress, the bus driver, the counselor, the story teller, the encourager, the teacher, the maid, the banker, the beautician....... Is there a role she hasn't played? Whoever I've needed in my life, whether trained or not (and mostly not), she's been there. Willingly. Lovingly. Patiently. Graciously. Mercifully. And joyfully (most times anyway). She's been my best-friend. My confidant. My supporter. My advisor. My exhorter. My go-before, go-behind, and now fellow-so-journer!
It's been a ride! A road! A journey! An adventure! A lifetime that I wouldn't trade for anyone's!
I was recently reminded that we all want our mamas. No matter the age. No matter the hurt. No matter what they've done to us. If they were there, or if they weren't. We long for our moms! For what they were made to be! There is something inside of us all that knows. She's supposed to love. She's supposed to support. She's supposed to be there. She's supposed to put us first!
It isn't always that way. And for those that didn't have the mamas they should have, they'll miss that mama until the day they die. What is us inside us that knows?
I watched my 76 year old dad the other day cry over a picture and a poem he'd found of his mom. His real mom died in childbirth when he was 3 years old. He barely knew her. Barely remembers her. But still! It's his mom! At his age... he misses her still.
We want our own moms. The ones that carried us inside their bellies! No matter the mamas that were real-er mamas to us than our birth mamas were. Like I said, it doesn't matter the age, the hurt or the love still carries loud! long! earnest! strong! (whether a sad strong... or a happy one.)
I want to say Happy Mother's Day to all mamas today! No matter your age! Or the kind of mama you were. And I want to say, that though it might feel like it, it's never too late. Children (whether 1, or 2, or 102) still think of their mamas... and long for their love! Our children are called to honor us on this day... though too, it's a day that we couldn't be honored without them! I can't be blessed by the honor without acknowledging those precious wonders of mine!
Thanks to each one of my three!!!!! I LOVE ya'll like crazy!!!!!!!!!!!! You've made my mama-role one of the greatest and exciting roles to play ever!!!! I've not always known what in the world that I'm doing, nor always done it well or perfectly. But it's been a blast! Life certainly wouldn't have been the thrill that it's been without it.. without you... without all that you've added to do it.
And mom, thank you for the mom you were and still are! For the role-model! For the love! For all you sacrificed! For giving your life for ours! For teaching us, not by words, but by your actions. For loving Jesus and teaching us to! For loving dad and always sticking by him! For the example you've been! For all the hours you listened! For the praises you sang. Oh my, my list could go on forever. One thing I know, I could never be more prouder of a mom than I am of you!
And even after all these years when I once wrote that letter above, Dear Mom, I still love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very.................and more verys still! I love you VERY MUCH.... and a whole bunch more verys. You graced me with a gracious love! I have seen and loved the Jesus in the skin that encases the you that are you are! I'm a better me.... because of you!
Happy Mothers Day, Mom!