Sunday, May 23, 2010

How are your fillings?

On my facebook's status this morning I posted, "How are your fillings? And I do mean fillings... I don't mean feelings. What are you filling up with? And how's that working for ya?"

The thing of it is, we like to share our fillings! We like to fill others up with the same fillings that we're filled up with until the other person is soon filled with the same fillings that we are so that they're feeling the same things that we do.

After posting my status, it didn't take long for my day to provide me a prime example...

Thankfully, this morning it happened to be my husband's actions that illustrated the point so perfectly. It just as easily could have been (and too often has been) me. We've all done it. We all do it. Daily! Here's an example of what I mean.

My husband woke in a good mood. We were readying for church. He was singing. He had his praise music on. He was anticipating the day. But soon, something happened that quickly irritated him. Did I say irritated? The man was beyond irrate! NOT happy! NOT happy! NOT at all happy! Shall we say: Fuming!

So... being that he was quickly 'filling' with fury... he wanted to share.

I thought, "No thank you, I'm happy with my fillings! Yours doesn't look so appealing! Doesn't look fun! I don't want to be filled (and thus feel) what you're feeling. Thank you though. Maybe some other time."

I tried to discourage his fillings and fill him with what I was filled with. I was still in my good mood. He wasn't having it. The ire within him was rising. He was still filling with aggravation. He didn't have room for mine.


Knowing that I couldn't hang around him too long while he spilled without having his fillings spilling over into mine, I left the area! I went to the sweet haven of my bathroom to finish painting the face and dooing the hair for church that was to start in a little while.

I tried again in a few minutes.

He did too.

I wondered (seriously!) if I even wanted to ride with him to church. I was afraid I'd be filled with fury after listening to his by the time we got there if I did. Instead, we both knew that the other didn't want to hear it. I kept my mouth shut in my happy. He kept his shut in his mad.

The funny thing about fillings... is that once it starts filling up with whatever it's filling up with, it looks for similar fillings to add to the filling. In other words, in his irrateness, he looked for other things to get mad about. Any mad would do. He went back and brought up yesterday's... and then found things to borrow from tomorrow's. He was mad again about things done in the past, and was madder about what would possibly happen that hadn't happened yet.

That's the crazy thing about fillings!

Fillings rarely make sense!

Church helped. He got away from the object of his anger and was surrounded with happy people. It honestly worked for a while.


We went out to eat after church. And while ordering we got a phone call. Totally different incident. But similar, in that what he had previously planned was (as earlier) quickly changed, and he became furious again. I told him that once he realizes that he has absolutely no control over almost everything, he'll be miserable. There is freedom once you figure that out and quit trying to.

It didn't help.

Again, he sponged up yesteryear's aggravations and anticipated the future ones.

I tried hard for a while. I was happy. Seriously so! I kept telling him and I literally held up my hand, "Nope. I don't want to hear it. Let's don't talk negative. We've got so much to be thankful for. Don't ruin our lunch."

Well. Fury doesn't like to be thank-full. It doesn't have room for it! It's already fury-full! And it surely doesn't want to be told to exchange its fury for thank! I know this. But still, I was trying.

I finally began getting a bit irate myself. I told him. "Do not pour your fillings into me. If you've got ugly fillings (feelings!) please keep them to yourself. I don't want 'em! I don't want to be filled to feel bad!"

Of course by this time, he'd poured so much of his fillings into mine whether I wanted him to or not, that I was filling up with what he was. Not anger toward the things that he was angry about, but angered toward and at him!

And I'll be dog! After I was fuming with my fillings of fury, he was all happy then! He'd accomplished what he'd wanted to... to get me filled to feel like he was!


I sat there for a few minutes silently steaming. Not talking at all. (I hate to do that in public!) Sitting there in my silent 'filled up' moment, I knew I had a choice. I decided not to stay there. To let it go. To fill myself with love again. For, after all, our subject matter in class was: Love is patient. It's kind. It doesn't boast. It keeps no record of wrongs................ I kept remembering what was said.

Finally, both feeling better by the time I left, I told him in the car on our drive home. "You know, the bible tells us that from the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Sometimes we have great need to just shut up! Sometimes it's quite embarrassing what our mouths are revealing that our hearts are filled with!"

We're vessels. "Jars of clay." Skinbags (as I like to call 'em). Containers. We're made to fill up. We're made to hold. We're made to contain. We're filler-uppers. We can't help it. Every day that we live we're filling up (and spilling out) with something.

How's your jar? What's your vessel containing? What's your skinbag holding? What's in your inside that bleeds to show out? What do you daily and constantly fill it with? What are filled up on? And how much does the fuel that you chose to put inside you cost you?

How are your fillings feeling? How's it working for ya? And dude, how's it affecting others around you?

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