It's been a gloomy day with attempted piques that have tried to lift me from the gloom that looms around me. I've tried to define the gloom, and though I know what its pressure is that throws me there, I don't know that I can pinpoint its ultimate reason. I trust God in whatever is going on around me, and yet, try as I might to seek His voice, to hear Him tell me what to do, to find that wisdom that He promises us when we've asked Him for it.... I've still wandered today in the throes of I-have-no-idea / I-simply-right-now-don't-have-a-clue-and-I-don't-know. It's a frustrating feeling to find yourself in.
My mom looms in her own gloom too, which doesn't help me much in mine. I could easily be distressed because of her circumstances also. There's a continual lots in this world, that if you're not careful.. can beat you down. BUT (I remind myself often), "the JOY of the LORD IS MY strength!"
"This", too, "is the day that the LORD has made, I WILL rejoice and BE GLAD in it"!
The GLADness is left to my choosing!
Knowing all that with the day almost done, I hope I've not reminded myself of that too late! If you were sitting here with me face-to-face and my face couldn't veil itself in hopes to lie to you, honesty would show you that my mood is still teetering. I've still not succeeded in smacking it into total submission, total obedience.
I suppose I'm in the throes again of not wanting cups that I've been given to sup (See post: here.) Oh Lord, Your will and not Mine! I know Yours is always the best and right one! You know the plans YOU have FOR me! You're always FOR and not against! Our lives are but a vapor! For this moment, I'll choose joy!