Thursday, August 23, 2012

When shalt nots... still do!


Okay. So I've blogged about it before. It's not new. But, on some days, the line looms over me. And though it doesn't laugh, nor does it mock or make fun, it doesn't beat over the head or badger, it doesn't reprimand or yell in frustration...  No! Instead, it whispers, it reminds, it tries to convict and convince!

The line?

"The Lord is my Shepherd I shall NOT  w.a.n.t...." (emphasis mine!!!!)

The LORD is my Shepherd...... 





Ugh! I might have a problem! Because right now, my wanter's wanting!

It wanted a month ago. It wanted again a couple of weeks after. And it's wanting again for tomorrow and this weekend.

It wanted in Illinois. Then it wanted in Tennessee. Now it's wanting in South Carolina. In about two weeks, it'll be wanting in Pennsylvania! 


I ache with want-itis! And then, I'm horrified and overcome with the guilt for wanting... when we are NOT to! My 'shalt not' shalts when it's told that it shouldn't!

What do you do then... when your wanter wants? You try to stifle it. You whine about it. You complain about it. You pity yourself. You wrap yourself in sorrow. You sulk. Your brows furrow. Your mouth frowns. Your whole demeanor becomes downcasted. You grab your laptop and start typing. In your despair, you blog about it.

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want." 

What is it I'm wanting, you wonder?

Short and simple: Him! The Lord! My Shepherd!!! The Great I Am! His word! His voice! His wonder! What He says! A message from the Great God Almighty! My Father in Heaven! The overwhelming feeling / knowing / filling / wrapping / wearing of His Presence!

There's a Living Proof Live with Beth Moore tomorrow in Charleston, South Carolina! There was one in Moline, Illinois that I had tickets to back at the end of July that I missed due to other circumstances. There was one in Knoxville, Tennessee two weeks after that. There will be one in Reading, Pennsylvania on September 15th.................... I so wanted to be there! I so want to go! To experience the wonder! To share in the worship! To praise Him with the multitude! To break the Bread with a whole host of sisters! To bask in His pleasure with synced awe in our hearts and our voices with so many soaring the same soar all around me! To...................................

Oh Lord, see me long and desire and seek to see You! Show up and show me all that You want me to hear and to see all alone here in the quiet and the loneness all by myself here in my room! It's You I want.. and You I crave to hear... You can speak with Your voice.. in Your Word... without using the mouth of one of Your teachers. That's what I'm seeking. That's what I'm craving. That's what I'm wanting... not her, not them, not all of that, not what they can give, but YOU!

So, yes, indeed, it truly is true! "The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not want" ... because You alone (as my Shepherd) knows and can satisfy all of my need! For it's not the other sheep that I'm longing for. It is the Shepherd Himself that my heart hungers after!

And the best part of it is, even more than I want to see and hear You, no doubt, You want me to hear and to see You even more than I do! Come Lord Jesus, Your servant is here... Your servant is looking, Your servant is listening! This sheep baaas and cries out in need and in want to her Shepherd that longs for Him to draw her near, to hear His whispered words, and for Him to hold her......

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