Scared isn't the right word. But perplexed... might be

I hate to keep bringing Wednesday's engagement up. Though it's obviously been stayed on my mind. Can you tell? I'm more excited about this time, than "afraid" about it like I usually am. Who knows what the actual day will bring... but for the moment, fear isn't my overwhelming feeling. Seriously, excitement is.

And then....

My brain seems to be more "on" and in overload thinking-mode while I lay sleeping... or at least, trying to sleep. Perhaps because praying for those guys is one of the last things I do at night before falling asleep... and so it pushes them to the very most forefront of my brain.... even while dozing.

I mentioned yesterday that the night before last I thought about the missionaries that were killed in Ecuador all those years ago and how the Gospel spread there as a result of their slayings. I was listening to Jill Briscoe yesterday, and she too mentioned another missionary woman that was killed because of her service to Jesus. Jill talked about how it, too, has been used to further spread the Gospel.

Hmmm..... my ears perked up at it..... Hmmm..... okay, then. But why mention it now?

Last night I dreamed that when I went into the prison that a riot broke out. I was turned on and captured by a whole mass of prisoners. I'll leave the details to the imagination.... it's not something I even want to think of now. But you can imagine that it wasn't pleasant nor pretty. In the midst of being manhandled I was trying to tell them that I didn't understand their reaction,.... I had come because of them... to tell of what my Savior had done for me, for them too, for all of us.

I woke to my mind whirling in wonder. Not fear, surprisingly. But with a wonder if this wasn't a warning. Not a warning to keep me from going. But a warning so I wouldn't be surprised if something happened............

Then wildly, I opened (as I always do first thing in the morning) two emails that carry within them a verse for the day. The first one was. "whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it" (Matt 16:25).

The second verse was one that I've been thinking about for days. One even that I almost added to yesterday's post. One that I've often thought about or shared with others when someone's lost a loved one. One that basically lets us know that God Himself will continue working out His will and purpose for our life even after He's called us Home. It's found in Psalm 138:8. It says, "The LORD will work out His plans for my life - for Your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon Me, for You made me." Another version reads, "The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me..."  And that particular verse ALWAYS reminds me of this one, "being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6). In other words, the work that God is working out, fulfilling, finishing isn't completed upon our deaths. The "good" work that He's begun in our lives is still being carried out and accomplished all the way UNTIL the day our Lord Jesus comes! He still works the completion of what He's made and purposed and planned for us even after our earthly body's have died!

I don't really think that anything will happen to me at the prison on Wednesday. And yet, I know that IF it does, that God has taken the sweet time to remind me that He's there, He cares, He's still in control, He's with me, it's no surprise and not out of His will, and He can still use it! Again, I don't really believe that anything bad will happen. But this I do know! That if God choses to take me Home there that the mission work has only just begun. And what I'd want to say to my kids then is this: "Hey, you're up! It's your turn! Go!" Because I would seriously hope that they would only use what happened as their platform to tell more of Jesus! And I would hope, too, that they would go back into that very prison and witness to those there... letting each of them see the pure Light and Glory of God in ways unimaginable!