"When Rachel saw that she was not bearing any children,
she became jealous of her sister.
So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!"
Jacob became angry with her and said,
"Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?"
(Gen 30:1-4)
I'd read these verses so many times before, but while reading them again one night before bed the truths in those few lines catapulted before me. My attention stood to alert. I was whoa-ed by its impact. It wouldn't let go. I read them again and again. I settled there and stared. And stayed that way for quite some time before finally turning out my light for the night. Even when I did, my brain wouldn't stop. I kept thinking about what I'd just read.
Did you see what had my attention's hold? If it's okay with you I'll write these verses again while leaving blanks in it in effort to magnify my point. Here's what I saw:
When _____ saw
that she was not ____...,
she became _____ .....
So she said...
[And then] _____ became ____ and said....
It's in our nature. Seldom do we look for it or mean to, or rather realize what we're doing the in the midst of our doing. But when we look around and we see something that someone else is that we're not that we wish we were.... Or, we see something that someone else has that we want that we've not got... then we've got something to say about it!
We do an awful lot saying in our nots.
This is how the normal cycle goes: When we're not (something that we want to be) we'll then become (something that we weren't before... usually mad, or angry, or jealous or mean) and so we'll say (because we feel we must vent our newly heated feeling to someone else).... And then, the person that we've said to (that we've vented to) becomes (something, too, that they wren't before)... and then he says ......
And after we've said we want them to agree with what we're saying, to validate our opinion, to go with us in our feeling.... and when they don't, we get even madder and normally start saying even more.
It makes for a vicious cycle!
In Rachel's case, she was not bearing any children....
Perhaps we have the same not that she does? Perhaps it's you that doesn't have any children, and you so desperately want some?
- Or maybe not!
- Maybe you have a different not???
- Maybe.... you don't have a husband that loves you, just as Leah didn't?
- Maybe.... you're not as pretty as this girl or that one... and you so badly want to be?
- Maybe.... you're not as weathy as he is or her, and you can't buy as much as they do?
- Maybe.... you don't have the kind of job you wanted that someone else does?
- Maybe.... you're not as gifted or talented in a way that you'd like to be?
- Maybe.... you're not able to do what they can?
- Maybe.... you're not married and you wish you were?
- Maybe.... life just won't go as you've planned for it to and hoped that it would?
- Maybe.... you've got a crippling disease, you don't have good health... and you don't 'deserve' that. It's just not fair!
- Maybe.... you (or your loved one) has a fatal disease and is dying.... and it isn't fair either!
- Maybe.... Maybe.... Maybe.... Maybe what? What's your not?
Life ~~ it's full of nots. So I wondered this morning after pondering upon it last night, what kind of not do find yourself in? What's your not that you're all tangled up and k-not-ted up in?
What (k)not has fastened itself to you and bound you in it?
What not has blinded you and stolen your focus and robbed you of your living?
What have you become now that you've seen that you're not? For all of us have a tendency to be just like Rachel: after we've seen that we're not (the thing that we wanted to be).... we become (something that we never indended). We waste a world of time away all tied up in our stronghold of nots, all the while what we've become consumes and rots our thinking.
After Rachel saw what she wasn't, what she didn't have that someone else did, she became....! Woe! Because often we do too!
- Rachel "became jealous."
- She became it.
- She came to be it.
- After she'd seen.
- Is that you?
- What is it that you've seen?
- Have you become something too?
Jealous, like Rachel did? Or... did you become something else? hurt? angry? mad? mean? bitter? or....??? What are you now because you're not? Or what might you become (if you haven't already), because of the recent not that you've recently fixed your focus on? All because of your unhealthy growing obsession with your not. It's like a growth. An absess. A tumor. A cancer. It's got to be dealt with, got to be eradicated, got to be taken out, or its goal is to eventually rob you, destroy you, ruin you, kill you.
"Rachel SAW that she was NOT...."
- She saw.
- We see!
- What are you seeing?
- Where are you looking?
- Might you need to change your lQQk?
- It will do us all good to remember to watch our lQQks. Never fool yourself, our lQQks begin our becomings.
Sound familiar?
It's the same pattern that most of us follow. We discover that we're not and so we become (you fill in the blank). We become something that we hadn't planned on becoming. Some ugly thing that irriates and agitates and aggravates and poisons us with misery. And because of what we've allowed ourselves to become, we find someone to focus on and fume our venom to while blaming them in the process for what we don't have or what we are not.
After Rachel said to Jacob, then he, too, became (something). In this case, "Jacob BECAME angry with her, and (so then) he SAID..."
See the cycle? It's perpetual! And spiraling!
There's an awful lot of saying once we've become! And an awful lot of becoming once someone has said.... And then even more saying because of the whole crazy obsessing over it.
You personalize the sentence. You fill in the blank. How would your story read? What happened in your not? What'd you become? Who'd you say to? What'd they become? What'd they say back?
All sorts and kinds of emotions and passions get incited and stirred from our seeing and discovering our nots. Woe, at the pot of heat that can stew from throwing all of our nots into the pot of our pity and the stress we can cause to ourselves (and to others!) because of them! Nots can be dangerous! Nots can be painful! Nots can be mean!
Did you notice what it was that Jacob said to Rachel about the not that she came complaining and fussing and blaming him for? Jacob told her that God was the One "who has kept you from" the not thing that she wasn't. In the end of her story, we find that eventually God does allow her to have the thing that she doesn't.... But why do we become jealous and then angered so and fuss like we do and feel like we'll die if we don't get the thing we've decided we wanted? Why blame all of our nots on someone else until the person that we're fuming to becomes angry also and so begins to fuss back? Why? When God (and not us!) is the Giver of all good gifts and He is the One that holds our nots in His hands... to give.... or not to?
Should we not just got to Him first with our feelings and what we have to say and ask Him? And should we not rather praise and thank Him for what we do have, instead of only complain about all we do not?
Now let me ask you something else after remembering what James 4:1-3 has to say; might we "have not" because we "ask not"? Or might we "have not", because we ask with the "wrong motive"? James says this,
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you do ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives..."
What not have you become tangled, engrossed, and all k-not-ted up in? And what might you become if you don't do something to until the hold that that (k)not has you in? Have you asked God? Have you asked Him with right motives? Or wrong ones? What's your not? How about putting these precious life-freeing nots (see below) in your pocket and fasten yourself to these instead:
"Thou shalt not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything."
Trust me, in the long run it only makes miserable!
"Thou shalt not bow down to them to worship them."
They can't give you what you want!
"Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's house... or wife... or manservant, his ox or donkey"... [his trucks or his cars, etc]... "or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
And then, how about this one:
"The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want..."!
Why? Because it's only in our Shepherd that we find true filling!
Those verses have a sweeter affect, for sure. It causes a prettier countenance upon your face, a freer one, a happier heart, a sweeter walk, a kinder talk. It's more joyful to walk in that kind of not rather than the other envious ones.
Oh my, we'll all have our nots. It's inevitable. The world and life is full of them. We can't all have or do everything. The question is: Which not carries the most weight with you? Which not moves you? And which nots do you act upon? The ones God gave you? Or the ones He did not?
When (put your name here) saw that she/he was not (fill in the blank), she/he became (fill in your feeling), so she/he said to (who?).
What about you? How does yours read? What have you done and what do you do with your nots when you see them? What have you become? And what and who have you said to because you became it? How's it working for ya? Is it worth it? Do you think it's time to give it to God and ask Him to help you to untangle some (k)nots that have been consuming and making you miserable>
"The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want." I like that! I think that's one of my favorite nots of all! He is our Provider! He knows what we need! And the crazy thing is, He also knows what we do not!
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