life got busy... he simply forgot

""when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness;

mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison."

..... The chief cupbearer, however, did not remember Joseph; he forgot him."

(Job 40:14,23)

Joseph was in prison. And he needed someone on the outside to help set him free. The cupbearer had had a dream, and Joseph had interpreted its meaning. Joseph knew that the cupbearer was soon leaving. So he asked him to remember him after he was released from prison when everything was going well for him again. He told him not to forget to mention him to Pharaoh. He pleaded to him to, "Get me out of this prison!"

But the chief cupbearer didn't remember Joseph.

Not that he planned to surely. But he forgot!

Ever been in a prison? And I'm not talking about the physical kind with visible bars (like Joseph's), but the kind that holds you captive behind invisible ones (called sin!)?

Ever been in a prison? A pit? An addiction? A stronghold? A hollow of oppression? A cave of depression? In the depths of despair? In a web of deceit? Drowning in debt? Rooted in bitterness? Rolling with rage? Suffering? Sorrow? Shame? Guilt? Regret?

Ever been entangled in some web of sin that you had no idea in all of this world how to get out of? Stuck there. Miserable there. Rotting there. Wasting away. Dying...... needing for someone to help you out of your trap?

Or.

Have you been in a prison and then gotten out again? Released? Set free? The bars have been broken, the chains cut off, the stronghold no longer holding you strong, and you have a freedom that you've never felt before? You've finally found laughter, and a meaning for life. Joy! And an immeasurable peace that you never even knew previous to then existed. Life is good. God is good. And all is well. You're full with things to say like: "Let me tell you where I've been.... And I don't want to go back there." So you don't. "All the time God is good. And God is good all the time," you say. And, "Won't you sing praises to Him with me?" You study the Word. You bask in His wonder. You live in awe of The One that valued you worth saving. You sing of His greatness. You dance in His pleasure. You live wanting to be the display of His splendor. You're horrified at where you've been, and you are now hopeful of where you are going, and you're spellbound in awe over the salvation of Jesus your Savior.

Might we stop for a moment here and remember a conversation that Jesus once had with Simon? Jesus knew that Simon was about to fall at the enemy's testing instead of standing strong and true and faithful for the Christ that he believed in when he was being tried in his sifting?

"Jesus said, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers" (Luke22:31-32).

Satan had permission to "sift" Simon as wheat. A word that means: "to sift and to shake." It is a word that figuratively means "by inward agitation to try one's faith to the verge of overthrow."

I don't know about you, but I've been sifted and shook! I've had an inward agitation inside the very depths of my soul that tried my faith to the verge of overthrow and it just about overthrew me! It seemed that it had! I fell headlong. It looked to be my total undoing. I found myself in a pit of sin not knowing how I got in and having no idea how in the world to get out. I fell hook, line, and sinker to the bait of deception that was thrown to me and I was pulled into the depths of the sea and doing its bidding. Drowning in the depths of my sin, wanting to get out, but having no way to save myself. In answer to the cries that I cried and the tears that I shed, Jesus (The One Who walks on water) came and rescued me from my pit and saved me from the prison that I’d become locked in.

After reading the verse above that tells us what Jesus said to Simon, I trust that while you were reading that you caught the part that said, "and when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." I love that Jesus told Simon in advance that HE had prayed for him. Jesus had prayed that his faith would not fail. He lives to intercede for us, and prays this prayer for us still today as well. But Jesus made a point to tell Simon what to do after he turned back. He told him to then "strengthen his brothers."

My question to you and to me on this day is: Do you?

If you've come out of your "sifting" season and survived it, have you now made it your point to "strengthen your brothers"? Remember again what Joseph said to the chief cupbearer that was about to be set free, "when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison." Joseph's cry was to: Get me out! Get me out! "Get me out of this prison!" The cupbearer forgot Joseph. Life carried on and he got busy. He wasn't trying to be ugly, he didn't mean to forget, he simply forgot, he just didn't remember.

Is there anybody that you've forgotten along on your way? Whether you knew or know them now or not, people are locked in the same jail cell that you were once locked in. Do you remember them there? Do you "mention" them to Jesus and work to get them out of their prisons? Now that you have "turned back"…. have you "strengthened your brothers"?

Let's look back at an instance (though looking back, all of Scripture shows a pattern of how God works) of what God does for those that He sees crying out to Him in their misery: "The Lord said, "I have indeed seen the misery of My people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them.... the cry of the Israelites has reached Me.... So now go, I am sending you.... to bring My people out…." (Exodus3:7-12;4:29-31).

Notice that God saw the people's misery. It was Him that heard them crying, He was the One that was concerned for their suffering, He's the One that said I am coming down to rescue them. And then…. He tells Moses that He’s sending him to do it!

God still sees the misery of people. God still hears them crying. He's still concerned. He still comes to help to rescue them. And so… He still SENDS someone in hopes to deliver!!!

But do we say as Moses first said, "But.... "Who am I, that I should go....?" Or are we guilty of doing as the chief cupbearer did in that he didn't remember? Did you forget? Have we gone back to strengthen our brothers after we've come back from our sifting? Did you hear the echo of someone's cries right now in your own ears as we're talking about it? Can you hear someone plead, “ Remember me!... and get me out of this prison!!!"? Is there someone imprisoned in your world? Are there lots of someones all around you? Might God be concerned about their suffering? Do you think that He has plans to come down to rescue them? Who might you think that He’d like to send? And could it be that it's you that He’s sending?

Jesus said, " go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Matthew 9:13). And God had Isaiah say this to His people who "seem eager to know [His] ways" as if they were a people that wanted to do right, "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen; to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter - when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? THEN your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; THEN your righteousness will go before you and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. THEN you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I. If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing of the finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, THEN your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings." (Isaiah58:6-12). So. Are you one that just “seems” as if you’re eager to do God’s will and walk in His ways; but one that always fails to do it? Or are you one that does as these verses describe? Is this truly what you find yourself doing?

Can we learn from what David said of himself in Psalm 51? "Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love; according to Your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight… Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. THEN I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You."

We are all thankful that God is into saving. And we're thrilled to the extent that He goes to in order to save us. We know from the parable of the lost sheep that He's into each of us individually for He left the ninety-nine to go in search for the one. But the reason He doesn't immediately zap us Home once saved is because He wants us to then teach other transgressors His ways, so that other sinners will turn back to Him. As Jesus put it to Simon, so that when we turn back, we can strengthen our brothers. Is there a Joseph somewhere in your world wanting to say as Joseph said, "When all goes well with you, remember me and ... get me out of this prison"?

Is God wanting to send you to someone stuck that He's seen and that He knows that is suffering? Are you “concerned” for the ones that God is concerned with? Are you convinced that once the cry from the imprisoned voice is heard that God goes straight to the rescue? And has it truly dawned on you yet; that God still works through people and that God is still into sending? Might yours be the ‘skin’ that Jesus begs to ride in on to get Himself there, so that He can get busy about His saving those lost ones that need Him?

Awwww..... I love this!

This is priceless! It's about a very mature little girl who loves her dad and is very concerned for him. And, too, don't forget the "girl" part, for she's very much a girl! She's a bit concerned about what she'll wear. :)

P.S. Someone wondered with me earlier if this is staged or if this is really true. Yes, it's true. It's about a 10 minute recorded 911 call in it's entirety. And I saw an interview from the dispatcher. Not only that, an update on Savannah's dad. The next day he was able to go back to work.

Where are you? And what are you singing?

It's not new. I've read it before. But it arrived in my email anew today. And knowing I'd already read it, I read it again anyway. And cried, too, when I did. Cried like an idiot, sitting at my desk. I'm sure you've seen and read it too. It's not new. But maybe, just maybe, it's worth reading again to you today? It's good. I think the reminder will be worth your time when you get to the end.

THE OLD PHONE ON THE WALL

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was 'Information Please' and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. 'Information, please' I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

'Information.'

'I hurt my finger...' I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.

'Isn't your mother home?' came the question.

'Nobody's home but me,' I blubbered.

'Are you bleeding?' the voice asked.

'No,' I replied. 'I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.'

'Can you open the icebox?' she asked.

I said I could.

'Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,' said the voice.

After that, I called 'Information Please' for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math.

She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called,

Information Please,' and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, 'Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?'

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, 'Wayne, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.'

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, 'Information Please.'

'Information,' said in the now familiar voice. 'How do I spell fix?' I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. 'Information Please' belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me..

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, 'Information Please.'

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.

'Information.'

I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, 'Could you please tell me how to spell fix?'

There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, 'I guess your finger must have healed by now.'

I laughed, 'So it's really you,' I said. 'I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time?'

I wonder,' she said, 'if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.'

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

'Please do', she said. 'Just ask for Sally.'

Three months later I was back in Seattle.. A different voice answered,

'Information.'

I asked for Sally.

'Are you a friend?' she said.

'Yes, a very old friend,' I answered.

'I'm sorry to have to tell you this,' she said. 'Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.'

Before I could hang up she said, 'Wait a minute, did you say your name was Wayne?'

'Yes.' I answered.

'Well, Sally left a message for you.. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note said, Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean.'

I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

 

____________________________

 
It reminds me not only of Heaven, but also of another man singing His song in another world that people rarely think to sing in. I CANNOT WAIT to tell my inmate girls next time I see them! This particular scripture already holds a whole new wonder and greater meaning to me since I've been meeting with them in the prisons. But today, it just magnified the "woe" and made me all gleefully excited again! Filled with a new hope and new wonder!
 
Paul was thrown into prison in Acts 16. Here is what the scriptures here (verses 22-34) tell of then: "The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose....."
 
You better know that next time we meet that I'm going to remind my girls to SING! For the other prisoners are watching! And God wants to loose some chains!
 
What kind of "prison" are you in? What are you chained to that can be used to magnify God's mighty song to help another prisoner who's watching and listening while still woefully shackled to some prison of some kind? Singing won't just loose their chains, but your singing will loosen your own!

Please, don't let this place conform you to them!

I suppose, being that I'm the new kid on the block (well, sorta), that it's fun to tell me horror stories and watch my reaction. It's fun (evidently) for the inmates to draw me pictures and color them in to show me glimpses of the place. That's one thing that the inmates did today. Not that they haven't each time I've gone. But today, I watched them watch my face from the descriptions they drew, from the scenes they painted, from the visuals they gave. I'll be honest, each time I leave I'm more horrified of the place that they're prisoned inside in.

It was weird today watching them watching me. I don't know that I've noticed it before. Who knows, maybe it was the first time? Actually, it was mostly one girl in particular. Like I said, I saw her seeing me! And her statement afterwards confirmed it.

I was leaving. We walked out together. She told me that she had been watching my reactions to the stories she and the other girls told. But I saw something else too, that she didn't mention, that I am totally convinced of. I think she needed to see (and be reminded of) that this isn't the norm. I think being there in all the years that she has was making her immune to the things that shouldn't be as they are now. Last week, one girl referred to me as 'something they needed that they hadn't seen in so long.' As 'a bit of fresh air.' 'Like the wind' in a desert. A "breeze." Spring in the dead of winter.

And today, like I said, it was weird. But I think that they saw something else that they wanted to be. And, too, something else that they didn't. They don't want to become hardened. Don't want to become mean. Don't want to be what they are gradually, slowly being changed to be.

I tried to encourage her as we walked. I told her that I loved them like crazy, and thought about and prayed for them all of the time. And then I told her, "Please! Don't let this place conform you to them! Don't become like them before you get out. Keep your face fixed on Jesus and let Him mold and make you. Not these people. Not here. Not this."

She smiled and quoted the verse, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" - Rom 12:2. She knows. God's tugging on her. She has a greater want-to, a bigger determination, a smile in a hard place and a lighter spring in her step despite the meanness and hardness of the ground where she currently walks. May God grow her in this. May she be a Display of His Splendor. A great Light in the midst of great dark!

Color me GREEN!

I got detoured, sidetracked, re-routed, changed directions........ spun around completely yesterday and was left dizzy! Dizzy and GREEN!

GREEN!!!! From head to toe, from inside to out, and all in-between. GREEN!!!

Green from a re-newed and resurrected want-to. An old longing was re-ignited. A once thinking that I would, realizing today that I haven't, and wondering (supposing!) now that I never will??? It left me sad. Desiring. And mourning.

I chased a rabbit......... and came back worn-out, weary, and lamenting.

Here's what happened:

I always thought that I'd adopt. I always saw it happening. For as long as I can remember I pictured us with extra kids. Kids not birthed from my womb, but that were added to mine, and birthed so very deeply into the depths of our hearts that it seemed every bit from my womb as my other three were. Crazily I visualized us as being given the child (or the children) rather than working hard in pursuit of them, laboring for them until they belonged. Perhaps there lies my downfall, my failure, my loss because of all that I didn't.

Yesterday I was reading a post of a fellow-blogger that was mourning her own want-to to adopt. Her blog sent me deeper and deeper into the hearts of other bloggers. And as I insinuated earlier, I returned depressed, heavy-hearted, saddened, and yearning and sorrowful for all I had lost. And all that I still so very much want.

In our financial depression and our age, I can only envision what my husband's response would be should I again bring up the subject. Not long ago, in church, I held twin DHR babies living in a foster home that I've actually kept a lot, and pictured the process of how we might go about making these babies our own. In my "could see it happening," I also "couldn't see it at all."

Aw. I think and see pictures of all those that are homeless. I know there are babies and children of all ages without a dad and a mom. Why is the process so hard to take one into your home? I want a child (no matter the age) that cries because they want a mom and a home and someone to love them! I've got room in my heart for more love! Why can't one (or more) be mine?

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world"  - James 1:27.

Every "could" that "does" counts!

A friend of mine sent me pictures from a friend of hers that just got back from doing a bit of rescue work (mission work) in Haiti. I responded back to her (in my green from pure jealousy), "Wouldn't you have loved to have gone and tried to do something (what we could!!) to help! I suppose that just because we didn't trek the fields over there doesn't mean that we can't "do what we could" over here for them other there. Thanks to you from the book that you bought, I'm learning that every "could" that does counts!"

The book I was referring to is a small read taken from Mark 14 (click here) entitled: She Did What She Could." The book referrences the story in the Bible of the woman who poured perfume over Jesus' head and plays off of the statement that Jesus made concerning her, ""Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to Me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have Me. She did what she could. She poured perfume on My body beforehand to prepare for My burial. I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.""

"She did what she could"!

The Back Cover of the book reads:

Five letters. Unthinkable power.  Most of us care. We really do. We care about poverty and injustice, about orphans and the sick. And yet, weighed down by the everyday tasks of bringing home a paycheck, putting food on the table, and shuttling kids around, we question our ability to make a difference. Bombarded by one celebrity help-the-world-athon after another, we shrug our shoulders in futility and do absolutely nothing.

But what if we did . . .

Something?

Just one thing.

The thing that matters more than anything else in that one solitary moment.

What if we did just that?

What if?

S•D•W•S•C

Five letters that have the power to change your life, free your spirit, and transform your world!

It's easy to get discouraged. It's easy to fall into despair of thinking that you're not doing enough, that you're doing too little, that the little you're doing doesn't actually count. But it isn't so! Every little adds up to a lot. If everyone offered a little, if (everyone "did what they could" as the book above suggests), then the world would be reaching out wherever and in whatever way that they could and the world would be sincerely taking care of itself. With God, of course, because we're made in His image... and it's His image in us that wants to reach out.

Anyway, picking up something that somebody dropped...... saying a kind word to one who needs it........ cooking a dish for someone who's sick.......... giving a dollar (or two or three or a hundred or thousands) to a need of some kind........ writing a note of encouragement or a thank you............ writing a book that teaches or gives inspiration........... visiting a shut-in............ babysitting for a friend............ adopting a child (or supporting a friend that has)......... going into a prison (or praying for someone who does!)........... mowing a lawn for someone not able......... letting someone mow yours that needs extra money......... handing down clothes quickly outgrown to a family with children younger than yours.......... dog sitting for someone going out of town........ going to a funeral and hugging one hurt.............. inviting the unexpected one to come to church......... giving a little money and saying something kind to one holding a sign: "Will Work for Food" standing on the side of the road that you pass............ acknowledging a stranger............ generously tipping a waittress that maybe didn't deserve it.......... halfing your cookie with the one sitting next to you............ smiling........... letting someone else go first.......... offering words to encourage instead of put down............. seeing the lonely and making a point of speaking to them..........

So, you might not can do this........... but maybe you can do that!

For after all, like I said, I'm learning that every "could" that does counts!!! And the "could" that you do actually counts too... and seriously makes a real difference no matter the little because truly in reality it adds up to a lot!

We won't have to answer to Jesus about what we didn't do that we couldn't, but surely, upon meeting our Judge we'll have to answer to Him about what we could do that we didn't because we didn't think it enough.

I can never go home.

That was the first words out of Serena's mouth when she walked in. "I can never go home," she said.

The chaplain looked at her stunned. She didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to make of it. Didn't know what she meant. Didn't know how to reply. Didn't know what to do. She didn't even know the girl. She'd never seen her before. So she repeated the statement back to Serena in the form of a question, "You can never go home?"

Serena repeated herself and said, "No. I can't. I can never go home. I'll only come back again if I do. I'll never stay out if I continue to go back....."

It was Serena's FOURTH time in prison.

She's not one of my girls, all of mine are longtimers, but the chaplain was telling us about her, telling us what she had said. It finally dawned on Serena that all of her family, all of her friends, all those she knew, all those at "home" are wrapped up in a criminal way of living. She'll never be able to get out of prison and stay out as long as she stays around them. She'll end up right back here (in prison) every time if she does. So, what can she do? Where will she go? What are the answers? What now? Because there is no hope for her at home. There is no safety. No way out. No way to beat this thing. No way to freedom. Only a guarantee to find herself back.

Woe. Where do you go if you can't go home? Where do you go if your own family won't help you? Where do you go if you can't rely on a friend? Where do you go when you have no place to go when you get out? Where do you go when you don't know anybody that isn't as messed up or more messed up than you are? Where do you go when you need to go somewhere to be safe but you don't know of a safe place to go?

The chaplain asked her, "Can you not think of anybody you know that you can go to?"

Serena was silent as she sat thinking. Shaking her head, because "no" she couldn't. She thought for a long time and finally remembered something. She snatched her head up and quickly said, "I have an aunt that lives in Texas. Maybe she'll take me? Maybe I could go there?"

Maybe.

Maybe.

Sadly now, the question is will this aunt be willing to let her come? A repeated offender isn't usually highly favored nor easy to deal with. And let's face it, not just everyone is willing to do whatever they can to help. I hope that Serena's aunt will. Because Serena needs it and knows she needs it, because Serena doesn't want to come back in and live the whole rest of her life spending it going in and out back and forth to prison.

I'm curious. How many of us (how many of Christians) would be willing to let Serena come to our home? Or, to our church and be around our children? How many would hire her? Help her? Mentor her? Encourage her? Sacrifice for her? Invest in her? Is she worth it to us?

Interestingly, something that I learned from Dr. L. on this past Tuesday (that I didn't know before then) is that in addition to going into all of these prisons, he is also planning for me to go and talk to churches all over Alabama. He knows that in order to help all these inmates when they get released from prison (to help keep them from re-offending and ending up in prison again) that there will take a whole army of God's people to enlist to help them. It was too big. Too hard to fathom. I hadn't a clue on Tuesday what Dr. L. was saying. And then, I didn't have a clue on Wednesday what God was doing and how He was working even more in me (Click here: In.... waaay over my head to read more). I didn't get it. Didn't see it. Didn't realize it. What Dr. L. was telling me didn't register, didn't make it in, UNTIL, all sorts of things started adding up. Dr. L. emailed to me late yesterday afternoon after my overwhelmation by the whole weight of the thought of the journey that awaits those girls once on the outside and that's when the magnitude of it hit me and a light bulb finally went off in my head. Here's how it happened:

First he emailed me earlier Thursday to cancel (again! the 3rd cancellation this week!) our meeting with Voc Rehab on Friday due to the weather (it's been SNOWING all day!). Included in his letter he wrote, "I hope you're doing well." To address that part of his note I quickly replied back, "How am I doing? Yesterday I was completely overwhelmed. I left my Wednesday girls heavily depressed for them. I tried not showing it while there. But, yuck, even in the best of circumstances they have a LONG way to go... and a HARD road to travel! Getting out of prison is just one hurdle. There's a horrid battle that awaits them on this side of the fence. Of course, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" No. But still............... Other than that, doing great. What in the world do I have to complain about?"

It was his response to that note that got me. That started filling more puzzle pieces in. That gave me a greater look at the picture. Showed me the wonder of what God was/is doing! Here is the sum total of what he wrote back just like he wrote it. He said, "You're getting His message. YOU are what happens outside...... I know you realize He has plans for our life. He uses others to help us get there."

Wow! I got it! I got why the burden was so heavy! I got why I was so sad for these girls! I got why I saw a glimpse of the horror of their journey... not just their existence in prison, but for them when they break through those bars. I got why I realized that the obstacles on the other side of the fence are giant walls that are impossible to climb (not Him-possible, but impossible for us). I got why I realized how much help that they'd need. I got why God is making me care so much. I got why He's given me His love. I got why He won't let me forget them once they make their parole or their sentence comes to an end. I got it! It's ALL about "RE-ENTRY" (which, duh, is exactly what this whole program is about!!!! why didn't I see it before????). It's about preparing them, and then helping them, being there for them, mentoring them, guiding them, helping to keep boundaries for them, helping them to find jobs and homes and church families, helping them by constantly feeding and serving them the Word UNTIL they grow strong and can stand on their own two feet and then turn to help another themselves! It'll take a whole community! My goodness, the picture of my having no idea in all of this world of what Dr. L. has been saying is beginning to all come together. I don't know why I couldn't understand what he was saying. So, in my failure to understand his words, God just showed me the picture Himself and let me feel a glimmer of how He feels! He gave me His heart! And a determined want-to.

Okay, so you can see I've had my mouth opened in awe all for the last couple of days. Having no idea the massiveness of what God is doing, I am obviously beginning to see the massive need of what He wants done

Last Tuesday at the Criminal Justice Building while meeting w/ Dr. L. and 'Somebody-Something' and 'Somebody-Something-Else'  (sorry, this is all too new to me, I don't remember their titles and names right now), 'Somebody-Something' was talking 90-to-nothing with me about things waaaaaaaay over my head! Things I didn't understand in a language I've never learned. One term that kept catching my attention that he referred to a thousand times was CPR. I immediately liked the term because of the picture it painted. But I hadn't a clue what it meant. Last night while studying some material that I was given I found the term, and thus, discovered its meaning: CPR Network... Community Partnerships for Reentry and Recovery.

Makes sense. Loved it! Makes perfect sense. I am beginning to learn and realize that it is going to take a whole army (a whole community) of workers  to partner together to help those that are needing it.

The terms: Reentry... Reentry... Reentry.... especially when coupled with Recovery... is beginning to have a whole new level of appreciation from me. Because what person either "entering" or "re-entering" the path of the Christian walk doesn't need fellow-sojourners encouraging and helping and aiding and inspiring them (giving them a little CPR) along their walk on this road?

CPR. A term that is used to resuscitate or to manually keep the blood flowing so as not to damage the heart or the brain until the body is able to be shocked or helped in order to help it again to function on its own. CPR. I like that. I like that a lot!

Serena said, "I can never go home." Would you be one, if asked, that would be willing to find a new home for her? Would you give a little CPR to a heart and a soul that needs?

Again a scripture that I keep repeating in a lot of my blogs lately (Ps 69:69:33), "The LORD hears the needy and does not despise His captive people." And often in His aid to go help those He loves in bondage, He often sends His people out to help in His deliverance of them (Exo 3:7-10), "The LORD said, "I have indeed seen the misery of My people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them.. and to bring up into a good and spacious land...... the cry... has reached Me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now, GO! I am sending you... to bring My people... out.""

Nails.... and a weird way of seeing them :)

While we were talking she told me that she'd given up nails (the fake kind worn on her fingers) for "her girl." It's one of the things that she's sacrificed in order to save. For she's adopting, and it costs a LOT, so every penny counts. Since then, she's decided, and now she no longer has her fingernails or her toenails done. She no longer pays to go to sit before a man (or a woman) extending her hand (and her foot) out to theirs while they take it to pamper and apply the polish to paint it. Soaking and scrubbing, trimming then gluing, cutting and shaping and filing and painting and finally blowing them dry. Isn't it funny how silly it seems when you think and can picture it? I wonder how many now (in this very moment) are sitting in such a place with their feet in the water that heats and bubbles while the lady works hard on their hands as they lean back in their chair that massages? Okay, raise your hands quickly, how many of you just this past week? Oh well, go ahead, do your nails; I do mine too, I just do them myself. My hands would look horrid without them!

I said all of that today to say, doing nails costs a lot and when you think about it - it seems rather foolish. My friend LIKES her nails (and so do I), yet it's amazing what all that you'll give up to adopt.... because of new priorities, but also, too, in order to pay for it's cost.

Speaking of nails, and costs, and what you'll give up for adoption... it reminds me of another kind of ‘nails’ that cost for an adoption....... My adoption by a King that came!

The sacrificing that Jesus did when nailed for us to the cross cost a lot! And amazingly, we were worth it to Him!

As we continued to talk my friend told me of a girl at church that had said something to her that was uncalled for (and mean!) and had hurt her feelings horribly. Sometimes our sisters (and even we) have a tendency to say the stupidest things (I apologize for using the "s" word!)! And the things that they (and we) say so often are hurt-FULL to others. I was sorry it happened to her. I felt her hurt, I could hear her pain, and I hated it for her. We (all of us!) could all do a little more thinking before we speak.

The next morning after we had talked I woke up thinking of "nails" and "sacrificing."

You might could say that it had been pounding / hammering inside my head all through the night.

I was thinking about my friend's hurt from what her sister-in-Christ had said to her, and I thought about what Christ would do. So, I emailed her again, reminding her of the nails that she has sacrificed for her child, and also to ask her if maybe next time someone (especially a sister or brother) hurts her with the words that he or she has uttered by saying something foolish without thinking first that it would wounds in its sting…. Next time someone hurt her could she not think as Jesus thought: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do"….. And while she thinks of what He once said could she not sacrifice another "nail" of another kind as the hurt pierces her skin?

I told her that this one is one kind of nail that we'll often have to chase!!!…. for the hurt clouds our thinking and it's not always the easiest thing to do. But could we not "chase" that nail down that runs and do as Jesus did with another sacrificial nailing no matter its cost?

Life is full of things that are thrown at us that hit and wound, yet we're still to follow in the steps of our Savior (1Peter2:19-23); doing as He did and turning the other cheek as He's told us to (Matthew5:39). We're not to repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this we were called (1Peter3:9)… in order that we may inherit a blessing.

Next time I'm tempted to sin, or I'm losing control, or I'm mad, or I'm just feeling mean, I'm going to picture my nail as if it's running... and hopefully chase it until I do the right kind of thing.....

"To this you were called,

because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example,

that you should follow in His steps."

1 Peter 2:21

Hurt can basically be summed up like this: Hurt people hurt people (It's one of my favorite sayings!). They do. We do. There's a deeper reason behind the slap than just the reaction of the present moment. Can't we bother to look beneath the skin to see the pain that punches? And die to ourselves (as Jesus did) in order to hopefully give Life to another? We need to let go and let God and be just as forgiving as He is to us.
 
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you." 2 Cor 4:7-12

Got something that you need to nail and leave sacrificially at the cross today? Surely the "cost" of carrying it is much greater than the "cost" of dying to live! :)

He wasn't like us...

No need to say more. The video says enough:

He Wasn't Like Us

(by Jeff Bates)

We didn't know for sure, but everybody said

That ol' boy ain't right in the head, he's a little slow
We'd hide in the bushes not making a sound

When he'd walk by we'd push him down on that dirt road

I was just as guilty as my friends

We had a lot of laughs at his expense.

Chorus:

He wasn't like us, he wasn't kool.

He'd just smile even while we were being cruel.
He stood out, he didn't fit in,

But we kept throwing the stones, no, we didn't let up on him.

He never said a mean word, no, he never even made a fuss.

He wasn't like us.

Later on he made a name in our town

For hanging out and running around with the rough crowd

They were boozers and losers and low class broads

But he saw good in 'em nobody else saw & he brought it out

Then the rumors started flyin' that he was some kind of holy man

But we set him straight & told him to his face, he was a crazy man

Repeat Chorus

Well, I remember the day he got in trouble with the law

They cussed him & kicked him & mocked him & whipped him And they nailed him to the cross

Repeat Chorus

He wasn't like us, he didn't fit in

And I fell down on my knees & wept for him

He never said a mean word, no, he never even made a fuss.

He never did nothing wrong, all he ever did was love.

He wasn't like us.

In... waaaay over my head!

I left my PWHDs (Princess Warriors in Human Disguise prison girls group) feeling very, very, very heavy today. Depressed. Burdened. Overloaded. Sad. It's all too big! It's so looooong for them!!! So horrid. So demeaning. So shackling. So humiliating. So degrading. My heart is aching. I wanna cry.

I know... they're paying the price (the consequences) for what they've done. But still, it's horrid. It's still demoralizing. It's still inhumane. Still awful. Still so yuck. Still..... so many things.

Listening to them opening their hearts today and share their weariness of where they are, how long they've been there, how much longer they have to go,...  and then, their fear of what might happen to them when they get out.... was simply heart-retching. The cards are stacked against them. The odds are too. If not for God, what would they do? But even with Him they know it doesn't guarantee easy, smooth sailing, that all things will work out the way that they hope they will and want them to. Who will want to hire them? Who will give them a chance? What kind of job can they even do, they're not trained, inexperienced, have no job referrals, have a criminal background against them.........

To my horror (while doing my best to disguise the horrific look on my face), I listened to them talk about the fear they have of being thrown back into prison once they get out for something they didn't do, but were blamed for and believed by others because of the background they have and the name that they've earned.

I don't know. What do you do with all that? I did the best I could. I know God graced me to. But woe, I left wondering what in the world am I doing? And feeling that I've just entered some deep waters that is truly way over my head! I've had no training for this.

What am I doing? How in the world am I going to help? What good, seriously, will I really be able to do? What difference can I make? Their road is so long. There are so many obstacles against them. And even when (IF) they get out, they've got such a battle ahead of them. In all honesty, a new war that awaits them. Different fields in different combat zones, but still swords are drawn, still a battle to be fought before the final victory is won.

Yes, God knows the plans He has for them! (And He really does still have one!) He has a purpose for them still. He has a hope for their future. And, He truly does work ALL things out for GOOD for those that love them. But, too, I saw reality today. It's a long haul. It's a huge battle. There's not an overnight fix. There's not an instant easy. Make no mistake, I do not doubt for one second that God brings beauty from ashes and plans to do so in all of their cases. But it's so hard on the way. I wish to quickly make things okay. I want for them what Joseph had. It took him one day to go from the prison to the palace. Though, surely, he still drudged a hard, long and winding road in his mind... his brothers still had sold him. Even with him, his victory wasn't instantly won even though his circumstances were beautifully better.

I can't fix what I can't no matter the want to. God didn't give me the power to and I'm sure He didn't make a mistake in that and that He knew what He was doing when He didn't. He did give me an unexplainable love and passion for these people though. And He gave me that for a reason. He's opened doors to send me there. And He's opening a number of other doors too on purpose.

I know. I'm not looking for answers. I know The One that has them. Tonight, I'm just venting. Just sad. Just saying.....

I was telling my son some of my sad and so he shared with me a song. It's sad, too. But maybe it'll open someone's eyes to want to give another a 'second chance' after something horrid that other someone has done.

One Second Chance

(by Jeff Bates)

"It says here you're from Houston: You're certified to drive a truck.
"It doesn't say what you been doin' the last five years."
Then I watched his eyes keep readin', then I watched his eyes look up,
An' watched another job I needed disappear.

'Cause when they get to the line: "Have you been convicted of a crime?"
They say: "Thanks for comin' in," an' they don't call you back.
I ain't askin' for every job under the sun:
I just want one second chance.

On August twenty-second, well, little Jacob's turnin' five,
But his Momma moved him half-a-state away.
I left another message on her phone at home last night,
An' she fin'lly had her lawyer call today.

She knows I can't afford to take this thing to court,
And I'm tryin' hard to make her understand:
I ain't askin' for every weekend of every month,
I just want one second chance.

I was young an' I was stupid: I regret it every day.
I ain't sayin' I didn't do it but I 've paid for my mistakes.
It's a lost and empty feelin' when they don't want you around,
Yeah, I finally got my freedom but what good is it now?

There's some days when it feels like it's been a hundred years;
Sometimes it feels like only yesterday.
We were paintin' Jacob's nursery, countin' days till he was here.
Next thing I knew, I'd thrown it all away.

Now I know I can't go back to the life I used to have,
When I still held the whole world in my hands:
I had a job, I had a wife, I had a son,
Now I just want one second chance.

He colored her ugly.

I'd never met Sandra before. But Tom was talking about her. So he introduced her to me. Well, not in person actually. Instead, without him realizing he was doing it, he drew me a picture.

He colored her ugly.... "in a nice way" (you know how Christians sometimes act like they're not trying to be ugly toward the other person they're talking about). By the time he was done, I already didn't like her. Sad really, for I didn't even realize that I was forming my opinion.

It was a couple of months later before I ran into her. I didn't know who she was at first. I'd never met her personally. I wouldn't have known her face. I bumped into her in a Lifeway Christian Bookstore. We quickly hit it off, both talking ninety-to-nothing, both sharing testimonies over our whoa-nesses of our Savior, both basking together in the awe of our God. It wasn't until deep into the conversation that I figured out who she was. I recognized her name immediately when she said it. And that's when it dawned on me that I'd heard it before. I remembered instantly all that Tom said.

I walked out to my car, got into it, turned it on, but didn't move. Rather, I sat there stunned. I told my youngest daughter, "Oh my goodness, I just met a girl that's really nice... that I really liked... that I didn't like before. I had prejudged her and decided I didn't like her purely on something that someone once said. Someone had colored her ugly to me once and I believed them and based my opinion on that."

Ugh! I did repent and ask God to forgive me!

Wow! It was the first time I realized the impact of our words when talking about someone to someone else. It's the first time I realized that any time (and I do mean ANY TIME) we're talking about another person we're coloring a picture to another of what they look like. Of how we see them. Of how we want them to be seen. We're either coloring them ugly. Or coloring them beautiful. Or, I suppose, all sorts of in-betweens.

Who have you been coloring lately? And what kind of picture of them did you leave when you left?

I suppose I could leave all sorts of verses here that would find a perfect fit. One being Eph 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Or others that address: gossipers, or slanderers, or malicious talkers, or backbiters. But how about this one? This one seems to sum it up well and remind us that we all need to be careful what we say no matter who or what we're talking about: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

If you don't want to be eaten (talked about) for someone else's lunch, then decide right now that you'll not divulge and eat another.

Not only that, remember that it's God's child that you're coloring!

Let's color pretty, girls, when we start to color. Our children are learning to color with the same crayolas that we use!

(P.S. Pssssst.... I see that crayon! What color are you fixing to paint her?)

Can you see me past the skin I'm in?

Lord, Let others see me past my skin. And let me see them past theirs. Help me to see others more than I see myself and love them no matter they package they're in.

I'm a girl with unique fingerprints and my own DNA. I'm one-of-a-kind to the Creator that made me. Other than that, I am no different than you. I'm skin.... that a heart lives in.

I feel. I hurt. I love. I fear. I laugh. I cry. I have joy. I have regrets...

It doesn't matter where I was born, what color I am, how rich, how poor, how I've been treated, how I've treated others, what gender I am, what language I speak, how tall, or short, how large, or how small, how dark, or how light, how young, or how old, how smart, or how dumb, how I dress or how I don't....

I want to be accepted just like you do. I don't want to be judged or rejected no more than you would. I don't want to be stepped on, used, spit on, ridiculed, persecuted, abused, degraded, or discarded just as you wouldn't....

I bleed red same as you do when hurt.

I am different. But I am no different than you. We're all skins that a heart beats in trying to make it in a sometimes very mean world. All skins aside, can you see my heart........

For Girls Only

For all you guys out there (as if a guy ever really comes here to read this), this post is for girls. Every now and then we need a girl moment and a girl moment together with only other girls.

I'm having a moment. A girlie girl moment. It's that regularly scheduled program that is scheduled for women everywhere all across the globe that comes once a month. It doesn't matter the race. Doesn't matter the social status. Doesn't matter the convenience. It's a time in the month that no woman looks forward to.... unless we're afraid we might be pregnant and we're hoping not to be. And then we welcome the sign that tells us we're not.

But. I'm off the subject. Back to my girl.

With the monthly also comes the mood. If not the mood, then the flood of emotion. Tonight, my emotion bubbled up and wanted to spill! My sweet son's roar came out a few minutes ago to rage toward one that he felt had offended. His chest puffed up to take up for his mom. The words that he said when he left my room had my eyes welling up and filling with tears. I forced them to hush... opening my eyes wide and then even wider still in an effort to swallow the wet to keep it from spilling. I could be an emotional wreck if I let myself. Over something silly really. Or over nothing at all. Like I said, it's that regularly scheduled time that makes mountains out of molehills. It doesn't take much. Anything can set it off. Or even no reason whatsoever.

Not only that. Tomorrow is a HUGE day for me! I'll go into a men's prison to learn whatever it is that I'm soon to be doing for the very first time. Well, of course, that monthly thing always has it's perfect timing! And in a men's prison! Can you even imagine!

My husband's out of town tonight. If he were home I'd probably have too much pride to cry. Being that he's not here to invade my privacy, I just might go to bed and cry myself to sleep waking up with swelled eyes as horrific proof of my night come the morning. But surely, though ridiculous, I feel better after I do.

My feelings are hurt.

Ah... it's nothing that'll really harm me, and nothing I won't get over, but still, my feelings are hurt.

All of ours have been, and we've all hurt another's.... But today they're mine... and I really didn't deserve it.

Not that I think it was purposed to hurt. I'm pretty sure that the person wouldn't have done it if they'd known that they would. But even strangers can hurt another at the expense of their being the target of their fun.

Who hasn't laughed (even while trying to be discrete) at a passer-byer at one time or another? It's fun to make fun. It's fun to ridicule. It's fun to find hilarious in the craziness (or weirdness!) of others. It's even more fun when friends will roll with you in your laughter.

But, ouch! For the one that's being made fun of.

It's a "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do" kind of a moment (Luke 23:34). Seriously. They don't really know what they're doing (inside you), and thus, they really don't mean to be doing it. They're just living life. Just needing a laugh. Just needing to find humor and some fun in something somehow somewhere.

"Judge not, that you be not judge" (Matt 7:1).  I've done it too. I'm a guilty as they are. I have no right to cast the first stone, I am not guiltless either.

"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things" (Rom 2:1).

You who pass judgment do the same things????

I challenge you to look. I challenge you to test that. I challenge you to attempt to prove that not true. Because, truly, God knew what He meant when He said it. We do to others the very things that we complain about them doing.

We'll complain to someone else about a mom making fun of our child, and then make fun of theirs. We'll complain about someone else talking about us, and promptly go to someone else to talk about them (Today's case in point!). We'll drive slow in traffic looking for our turn, and dog another that's driving slow in front of us for the very same reasons. We'll answer our phone while talking with another, and then think it rude when they answer their ring. We'll get mad at our husbands or children for not picking up the mess our dog has just made while we're guilty too of stepping right over it ourselves. We don't want to do something for somebody else, yet in a minute we're wanting them to do something for us.

I watched this truth fall open so perfectly before me not too many years ago. It was crazy! Every time that someone was complaining to me of something, I saw them doing the very same things! So much so, that I begin listening to myself to see what I was complaining about, and 100% of the time I surprisingly saw myself guilty!

Let me share a perfect example in what I saw my husband do:

My husband had an event to go to that I wasn't too keen on going with him on. I had planned to go anyway. I knew that I should. I never debated not going, even though I'd rather not have to. But when the morning arrived for us to go I had completely forgotten about it. My husband wasn't here when I got up and so I started cleaning instead. When he drove up when time to leave he found me still in my jammies and looking quite horrid. He immediately got mad at me for not being ready and said that I never wanted to go in the first place. I didn't. Not really. But still, give me credit, I really had planned to.

I ran to paint and repair what I could do in a hurry and got ready in lickety-split timing. He sat on the couch in a pout. And he promptly told me that he wasn't going that it was too late to leave when I got done. I apologized profusely. But it still didn't raise him out of his funk.

Then he said, "I know you don't want to go anyway. And I don't want to ride all the way there with you sitting there giving me the silent treatment in your mad."

"Oh really," I said. "You mean that you don't want to me to do to you what you are doing to me right now... siting in your silented pout while steaming in your mad because things didn't go as you'd planned it."

Granted. I can be mean. I have my days. But seriously, I wasn't mad or being mean then. I was sincerely sorry and seriously made a mistake, but I saw clearly the lesson that I was learning.

We're often guilty of saying things like, "He won't listen to me".... when, we're failing to listen to him! "She won't forgive me"... while we're refusing to forgive her. "You won't even try to see my point".... when we can't see theirs either from seeing only our own.

These aren't the best examples that I've left here. When God had me in the throes of this lesson I saw the truth of it everywhere. I couldn't even have a good argument with my husband, because I knew I was just as guilty (when seeing it in a new light) as he was.

One thing I try to teach my children all the time is seeing people past what they "do." What they "did" is not who they are. Don't make it be and falsely see them that way. We're usually pretty good at it. But at the beginning of this year a friend of my oldest daughter's did something I was greatly disappointed in. It's been a little challenging for me to get over it. Meanwhile, I had gotten in touch with a very old friend from a very LONG TIME ago that had once been in prison. My daughter has had a hard time seeing him past what he once did and not giving him a chance to be something new now. I was having a conversation with her about it, telling her how wrong that was. And, of course(!), she asked me, "You mean like what you're doing to my friend?"

Shooosh! She's right! It's a constant and continual challenge! As the song sings, He's still working on me... to make me what I ought to be.... It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth, and Jupiter, and Mars... How loving and patient He must be... Cause He's still working on me!

My feelings are officially UN-hurt now! I've got enough stuff for God to work on in me to worry about something as silly as that. May God bless the girl who made me rethink some things! May He do incredible things to encourage and make her feel good this week! We're all walking our paths on this earth. It's hard. It can be mean. We need each other. May we be able to hold hands as we walk this road. No time to fret. Life's too short to grovel. And goodness, too quick to harbor a hurt and spend being mad at another!

I'm just a girl, a human, just skin... that a heart lives in! Not perfect!!! So why am I often surprised at the imperfections of another? Another skin.... with a heart living in it. Needing love and all the same kinds of things that mine does.

Less of me, Lord! And more of YOU! Until there's ALL of YOU... and none of me left!