Some times... some things... in the thick of the moment of it are too sad to say.
What is that?
Is it because sometimes you're just not ready to verbalize it? I mean, you know it's real, but the words once spoken make it real-er... and it's heavy enough already... the "er" (in the real-er) if added can't be handled. It would topple you over and you might not could get up from it. The verbalization of it would just be too much.
Well, I suppose that's a stretch. I'll be able to get up. But it'd make me cry... and right now, I'm trying to hold my composure.
I'm having one of those days.
I keep thinking of Elisha. When the company of prophets at both Bethel and Jericho came to him two different times telling him, "Do you know that the LORD is going to take ____ away from you today?" (2 Kings 2). And each time Elisha's reply back to them was, “Yes, I know, but do not speak of it!"
That's kind of the feeling I feel.
Do I know that the Lord is going to take ______ away from me today?
Yes. I know. BUT DO NOT SPEAK OF IT!
Don't get me wrong, I feel mightily blessed! I've had a really great morning. Huge things, GOoD things, God things, are going on all around me. My husband and I and my children all seem and feel tremendously favored. God's abundance of Life is pouring in all around us. Seriously, our cups overflow.
But still...
There can be peace in the storm... joy in the mourning... fullness in the sorrow....
And so. That's what I'm feeling. Sad. I'm mourning a thing that has been long in its dying. I've been watching all the organs slowly shut down for a while now. And today, with no life left in it, we've pulled the plug.
Part of my world died today. And I'm gonna miss it. I'll be so sad that it's gone and I'm sure that life (for a time anyway) will feel funny without it.
Still though... as the song sings, "He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be His name!"
My Lord is still faithful! And my God is always GOoD!
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