This past Wednesday was a different day.
It was huge. But almost too big to talk about. It was one of those days when I was swept away by the GOoDness of God... and I could hardly live through the wonder of it.
Have you ever been so whoa-ed by God that your legs could hardly hold you up as you walked? You couldn't stand, you had to sit, because your legs had Jell-O-ed and become only mush? Your eyes could hardly keep from spilling from the feeling that had become liquidized? Your whole body shook from your new felt tenderness? Your voice was weak (almost only a mere whisper) and trembled while you talked? Your hands could hardly type because you couldn't hold them still? It was that kind of a day!!! Even toilet water dripping on my head (surprise ...leak upstairs!) couldn't mar my overwhelmation of my Savior! He's so GOoD! He's so into saving!
I mentioned the woe on my Facebook page and a guy friend commented with: "Girl, I wish I had one tenth of your Joy. He sure makes you happy."
To which I responded: "Yes, He sure does! More than anything else or anybody!!! Bless His heart, I need Him a lot... Actually, I need Him for everything all the time... and He is so sweet and so very, very faithful! He's GOoD, even when life's hard and it doesn't go as planned. He's exciting even when life's mean. I love Him for all that He does! He is my Hope in all things! I do love Him. And I am so awed that He loves me more. I don't deserve His GOoDness ever, but He's still GOoD to give it! Pray for that Joy that you say you wish you had. He's got enough Joy for you too!!!!!! He's got an abundance... and always loves to share it with those that ask Him to."
It started with a text message that I received at 3:37 a.m. that morning. I was already awake and so quickly texted back, because my restless legs had me up and wouldn't let me sleep. Funny thing is, that's what woke my sister up (the leg thing). She couldn't sleep either. She has my same problem. She had checked her email, which prompted her texting. She simply asked me a question. I answered her. I didn't know its significance. I just thought it concern.
What I didn't know was that someone had emailed her about me. He said that God told him (with 2 scriptures) to do something that I didn't even know that he knew anything about. Basically, it was a huge answer to prayer! God knew the need. And so He provided... using the vessel and hands of one of His willing children.
Like I said, I didn't know in the wee hours of the morning what was going on. My sister didn't call me until 8 in the morning. I was painting my face, readying myself to go speak to some men at a prison. When she read the email to me, I started crying and couldn't even answer her. I don't mean tears rolled in streams down my face, I mean I sobbed and couldn't quit sobbing. We hung up, it was obvious that I wasn't going to be able to talk. My makeup was running off as quickly as I was putting it on. I kept reapplying. Finally, red-eyed, but fixed up enough to suit the day, I left for the prison. I was trying to compose myself and keep myself composed. I literally didn't think my legs would carry me through the fence and into the building that I was headed to. Miraculously they did. But I sat as soon as I got in.
My turn to speak was delayed due to a running-behind schedule. It gave me a little extra time to get myself straightened up. And yet, by the time I was called up front, again, I didn't think my legs would carry me.
I apologized to the guys. I told them that I'd have to sit, my legs were too wobbly to hold me. I had a microphone, but even then my voice was barely there. I had every eye captivated in the room.... shoulders leaning, ears straining to hear what was said.
I tried to share a little of my morning of my God that had so whoa-ed me with wonder. Several times I couldn't keep from crying. I'm not sure they ever could quite figure me out. But this I do know, they saw me in real-time, and saw me in total awe of my Savior. I suppose I didn't need to put everything into words. Sometimes actions speaker louder... and they saw the awe... they didn't need to hear me say it..
I told them of the God that saves... and the One that keeps on saving! I told them where my Hope is stayed, no matter the unstableness and instability around me. And I reminded them that regardless of our perception, God is not a Burger King where you drive up and place your order to "have it your way." He knows better than we do. Even if (and when) He doesn't answer our prayers like we'd like for Him to, He still knows best, He's still "for" us and not against, He still knows what He's doing... and He knows what we need even more than we think we do. Aren't we glad that no matter what "order" we place, that His will and His "order" (His plan and His purpose) are so much better than our own... better than anything we can think or imagine to ask of Him.
I've prayed often for those guys since I've left them. I didn't know if I made a lick of sense. I do know (though I didn't mean to) that I hopped from one thing to another. I know it was sporadic, off the cuff, no planned rhyme or reason. Like I said, though I didn't say what I had prepared to say, they did see my whoa-ing wonder. So my prayer has simply been this, that even if I didn't say anything at all worth hearing, help them to have seen the awe of You in me... and may (if they've not experienced it before), may they be praying and asking You to do that for them in their lives. And may You answer in the most whoa-ing of ways! May they, too, be woe-ed by Your wonder, stunned by Your saving, and overwhelmingly awed that the Creator of the Universe would do something for them like You do!
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