I was trying to work on something else, but kept thinking about this as I did. So I finally gave up that, to do this; so that perhaps when done I could actually get back to what I was working on. (Were you able to follow all that?)
I know that a teacher loves to teach. Being that last night was Wednesday night and my teaching quarter was finished five weeks ago I am missing my not being able to teach on a night that I normally would.
Although it truly scares me how to death, it's in my bones... and I miss it when I'm not doing what burns inside my bones to do! I feel so full of Him that I can't help but want to share it! Both Job 32:17-20 and Jeremiah 20:9 say what my heart feels better than I ever could. It says, "I too will have my say; I too will tell what I know. For I am full of words, and the spirit within me compels me; inside I am like bottled up wine, like new wineskins ready to burst. I MUST speak and find relief; I MUST open my lips and reply."... "But if I say, "I will not mention Him or speak any more in His name," His word is like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones, I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot!"
These scriptures seem to perfectly paint the picture of my feelings. Truly, it's in my bones! I feel like I'll burst if I don't find relief! I need a place to say what I've been filled with! I do still teach in two prisons... but sometimes it doesn't seem room enough for enough said! :)
Thinking of all that I couldn't help but remember God making Ezekiel's "tongue stick to the roof of his mouth" so that he would be silent until God wanted something said. Granted He was keeping Ezekiel from being able to rebuke the rebellious people, but surely there can be a myriad of other reasons for sticking a man's tongue to the roof of his mouth to keep him silent for a time? So here I sit in my part of the world with my tongue currently stuck to my mouth's roof. And knowing that it's not necessarily a bad thing if it's God that's stuck it there for His reasons. You know?
So.
I am trying to have joy in my stuckness. That is until God deems it unsticked. And I pray that that's the only likeness that I'll share with our friend, Ezekiel. For who wants to yell at a city drawing that you've made and built siege ramps up to as if taunting it into war, while lying tied up beside it for 390 + 40 more days.... though being spared from having to use "human excrement for fuel" to cook your food off of? Just thought I'd remind myself of all that, because matters could be worse, you know?
Hmmm... in my weirdness, can you tell that I'm dying to "say"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE God's Word!!!!... and now I live to tell about it! :)
You do a good job of portraying what you see and do without sharing what you are not able. Good balance and I am thankful God worked that balance out in you. I've got a lot going on right now in my life I can't blog about. If it were only me, I would shout it from the roof tops but it isn't and I have to respect others privacy. This makes it hard to blog sometimes. So what I do is run to Jesus, hide my face in His shoulder and wait to listen what He has to say. I can always share what He has to say if I can't share anything else. God is good like that.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Katie, we're not meant to open our mouths and share about everything. Especially when the privacy of others is at stake. Though that's true, that is not what I meant here. During our summer season at church we always meet as a whole... therefore, no ladies' Wednesday night bible studies. I LOVE studying God's word... yet, with the studying, I feel I must share what I've learned. So... when I can't share it in a classroom... I often feel I'll burst from the want-to! Ahhh.. I sooo want to learn more!!! There is such DeLight found on the pages of what our God has said!
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