I don't know what did it? Or why? It just rubbed me wrong. Hit me at a bad time. I was tired. I didn't like it. It made me mad. I wasn't in the mood. And I lost it. I snapped at him every which way I knew how to. And I snapped at everybody else that walked into the room, as well. I fussed and fumed. I wouldn't stop. I went on a rampage.
Remembering what I had just written (earlier blog: Mean doesn’t look good on anybody!) made no difference. Because "Mad" doesn't care. "Mad" has no reason. "Mad" is crazy. If you don't take control of it, "Mad" takes control. And that's exactly what I let happen.
Holing myself in my room after my tirade of idiotic actions I was flabbergasted! Ashamed of myself! Embarrassed! I asked God, "What was that?!? WHO was that?!? And please forgive her (me!!!) for acting that way!"
Feeling better a few minutes later after confessing and repenting to God, I went back to apologize to my unsuspecting targets. The ones I had thrown darts at. The ones I had wounded. I told them that, "Whoever that was is gone. I'm back now. And I'm sorry she acted so ugly."
In reality "she" was me, and we all knew it. I didn't like her! And I don't want to act the way that she acted!
I should have known better (and I did). I should have handled it better (but I didn't).... especially after I had just written about how ugly "mean" looks on a person, and about how "mad" (as in angry) makes a person mad (as in acting like an idiot) if they don't handle it like they ought to.
Whoever that was [the ugly inside me that raged to show out] that invaded my feelings and emotions and actions.... seems a prime example of our "old self" and the way we "used-to-be" that Ephesians 2:1-3 talks about.
My ugliness looks to me like a perfect picture of Colossians 3:8-14 which tells us to:
"R-I-D yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander,...
since you have TAKEN OFF your old self with its practices
and have PUT ON the new self which is being renewed.. in the image of its Creator...
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
CLOTHE yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Bear with each other
and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And over all these virtues PUT ON love...
Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, since.. you were called to peace..."
Evidently, I got caught wearing the wrong clothes! I very much needed to run to my room to change it! What I was cloaked in looked more like the enemy's garb than our Savior's robes of righteousness. As ugly as I was, I guess maybe in the end I did what I oughta. I ran to my closet (to pray)... and through the help of conviction and the power of Jesus He helped me to again TAKE OFF my old (used-to-be) self and PUT back ON the new. The Spirit reminded me to remove (and rid myself of) the anger and rage and slander and malice.... because I needed instead to clothe myself with love(!) and all the virtues that comes with it.
Ugh, when our old dead-to-sin selves tries to resurrect from its grave with such ugliness and take over our lives again! It's not a good wardrobe for any of us! Shrouded in death after being resurrected to live! Pardon the English, but... it ain't no way to live!
I'm sorry for how I acted. And though you didn't see it, I needed to say it out loud.
Moral of the story: Check the mirror (James 1:19-26) and watch what you're wearing.
Don't wear what the enemy offers to give you to put on. If you're saved, you've been given garments of salvation and robes of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10). Let's keep them on. There was a great price paid for such royal attire, bought for you, and offered to you to wear. Let's do! And be sorry... and quickly change again when we don't!
We all battle the issue of anger from time to time (some, more 'times' than others!). And you know, when another is having a fit of rage and we’re their target, maybe we ought to be more gracious and give 'em a break. We've been ugly too and sometimes have lost it. Have mercy because we've needed mercy. Grace because we've been graced. Love because we're loved. Forgive because we've been forgiven..... even BEFORE they've cooled off and had a chance to say they're sorry. You know?!
Again, it’s as I stated in my earlier blog, Mad / Mean – she’s not a good look on anybody! Check your wardrobe… and see who you’re wearing!
Okay.... so I just ran across this picture.... and I think that I'd wear this today if I could. Picture me BEAUTIFUL!!!!! All ugliness Be Gone!!!!!
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