Needing a donkey... and a Good Samaritan

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I don't think that they intentionally failed to help. I don't think they meant to, set out to, purposed to, planned to. But........


A couple of weeks ago (out of desperation) I sent out a mass email to all of the men who had signed up to do prison ministry, it was men from several churches partnering with the Dept of Correction's Re-Entry Program. Quite a list of men, really. And only the men. I purposefully didn't send the email to any of the ladies. I was seeking to find a willing soul with a "donkey." Here is a copy of how my email read: 


I have two guys from prison that needs transportation from any willing soul that can help them:

1. One guy needs a ride to the airport on the 15th of September.
2. Another (an older man) needs a ride to Prattville on September the 20th.

My email continued:

I keep thinking about the expert of the law that asked Jesus, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus' answer was to "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind;' and 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" It's then that the man looking for a loophole asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"Jesus replied with a story. You know it well. 

Once there was a man traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. On his way, he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him, beat him, and left him half dead on the side of the road. A priest came along, but when he saw the man, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by. A Levite came and did the same; he saw him too on his path, but passed him by, as well. The only man that didn't pass was a Samaritan. This man "saw" him too, as the other two had; but his heart went out to the wounded guy. In his "seeing"... he felt compassion for him and stopped to help him in his immediate need. Going over to him, he bandaged his wounds, put ointment on it, and then lifted the "beaten and robbed and left for dead man" and put him on his own donkey in order to give him a ride to an inn so that he could be taken care of. 

Here (on the 15th and 20th), we have an opportunity for two guys to borrow someone's "donkey." They've been robbed and stripped and wounded too.... even if self-inflicted, by the enemy who comes to steal, kill, and destroy. They, also, will be put out and left on the side of the road... hoping for some man of compassion to stop to help them. They don't need a ride to an "inn"... but one to the airport, and another to a friend's. I'm sure it would be nice to them if they had a "donkey" of their own so that they wouldn't have to ask to borrow ours. But being that they don't, I'm just looking for a Good Samaritan and a few minutes of their time. And woe, it's a great time and opportunity to share and show Jesus! I love picking up the ladies... I can't even begin to tell you the reward in it!

 

And... if you are unable to... but know someone who might can, please pass the message along. Thank you. And God bless!

It was what happened next (after emailing).... or the failure of what next happened... that both surprised and disappointed me. Out of all of those men, not one of them responded. No one offered. No one said a word. All of them saw. But they all "passed by." No one... not even one... stopped to offer to help either of them.

I'm sure their failure wasn't out of spite. I'm sure that each thought another somebody else would "see" and help. I'm sure most were busy with their jobs... and that some really couldn't get off. I'm sure they didn't feel the real need, the desperation, the great need for help.

But, isn't that what all of us too often do at times? We sign up to help. We intend to. We plan to. We want to. Our hearts are truly pulled to it. But when the time comes, we just don't feel the true compelling to. We're busy. On the way to wherever we're going on our own road. And we "pass by"..... we "pass by".... we "pass by" way too many people that are begging to truly be seen who truly, truly, truly, really, really, really, really do need our help.

Oh Lord, please help me not miss those sitting in my path just waiting to be seen and needing a little bit of assistance! I've been the stripped-and-beaten-and-left-for-dead-man-on-the-side-of-road.... and YOU, Lord, have NEVER passed me by! Dare let me to pass by another. Help me to "see"!!! MOVE ME with YOUR compassion!!!... passion that doesn't pass by, but that comes to the need of another!

"'You must love the Lord your God will all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.' And, 'Love you neighbor as yourself.'".......

After telling the story of the Samaritan, Jesus continued, "'"Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?" Jesus asked. The man replied, "The one who showed him mercy." Then Jesus said, "Yes, now go and do the same." - Luke 10:36,37

Yes! Now go! And do the same!

"Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble." - Ps 41:1

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Finding the whos to their yous..

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My excitement has me nearly jumping out of my skin! Meeting with three of the girls at Applebees the other day, I told them that if I start floating toward the heavenlies every now and then, to just reach out and pull me back down to keep me grounded. I was talking ninety-to-nothing and grinning from ear to ear. Boasting in this miracle. Basking in where this could lead to. Soaring at this opportunity that our Savior has given. Awe-ing at the door that's been opened. Grate-FULL for the invitation!


Woot! Woot!... might I say that by next week (starting on MONDAY!): Let the parties begin!!!


I've thanked God for their excitement, their enthusiasm, their selflessness, their willingness to use what God has given them to sacrifice their time and talents in order to serve another,... their want and their desire and their determination to be about their Father's business wherever He wants them just as Jesus was when in human flesh He walked this earth over 2000 years ago. I loved the fire inside them that burned to high blazes with the same fire that burned high and hot within my own heart. Let me tell you, I felt us all so ablazed with God's Glory as we sat together, huddled in that booth, stuffing our faces, while discussing exercising in that corner where we'd been led to and told to sit in that restaurant... I wouldn't at all have been surprised had the fire alarm gone off!


Those sweet thangs are the answer to my prayers! I have been seeking the "who"s that God has called to this new ministry. It's not been an easy "seek"! Mostly because I was seeking the "who"s from my own acquaintances instead of seeking outside my realm of knowing. And yet, the moment it was placed in our church's "classifieds" email (which I thought NO ONE would respond to).... I got bombarded immediately by these very girls... and a few others also very much interested. I can't begin to convey my thrill!


The warden from one of the prisons that I volunteer in decided she wants to start an exercise program. She asked the man I assist if he knew anyone that might be interested? He told her he didn't, but he knew exactly who would! And then, he turned right around to call and give me the assignment. That conversation spurred many another between the warden and myself. She'd like to fill every spot open (each morning and evening every week day at 5:00).... As of today, I've filled four of those times! And beginning on Monday... and all next week, we will be offering aerobics, and Zumba, and kick-boxing classes.... with the goal to work on both their physical, but mostly, spiritual bodies while we're at it. Woo... my Lord can use anything to ride Himself into a village! He once used a donkey.... and next week, He'll use some exercise instructors!


Have I said I'm excited???!!!!!!

I am not super keen on exercising. My beef against it is that I don't like to sweat. Sweating does horrendous things for the look! (And wow, I've heard Zumba's intense!!!... Am I ready for this?... I'm scared!) But girl, you can bet your bottom dollar that I will NOT miss out on this opportunity! I'm going to every single class (at least for a little while) in order to help them feel comfortable and to get them started. But my real reason, is because I LOVE those girls... and it will be a perfect time to use to share and show Jesus to a very captivated (*smile*) audience!!!


I'll close this post with my newest faved verse. It's found in 2 Corinthians 10:13. When I read it, it was as if for the very first time. I NEVER remember seeing it before! UNTIL, that is, I realized how I had underlined and dated and highlighted it.... and when I saw the note that I'd penciled beside it to the who that I once gave it to. I actually gave this verse to a friend of mine years ago. The verse reads,  "We, however, will not boast beyond our proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to YOU" (emphasis mine). Another version, "... but will boast only with regard to the areas of influence God ASSIGNED to us, to reach even to YOU."!! Another, "... but within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned to us as a measure, to reach even as far as YOU." One more, "... Instead, we will only brag about what God has given us to do - coming to where YOU live"!!!


I absolutely LOVE this verse! It so very much encourages me! Even though I knew it before, it lets me know it even more: We've all been "assigned a field"!!!... And my "field" is in the prisons. And the "you"s, that I've been called to, are the girls that at this time are residing there! And even a lot of those "you"s, once they get out and walk now freely on this outside of the fence.


The whole time (almost two months) that I was seeking instructors I KNEW that GOD KNEW His "who"s.. that He wanted to be there! I knew that this "field" had already been "assigned" to the very "who"s that He'd already planned and prepared it for. And now that He's let me in on those that He's sending... I can't help but be thrilled for the "you"s that He is sending them to! How incredibly and wonderfully blessed we ALL are in this process!


I doubt there are many people reading this... but those that find themselves still stuck here and reading this post... I can't help but wonder where YOUR "assigned field" is? And if you're working it? WHO are the "you"s that God wants YOU to reach? Who are the "you"s that He's assigned to you?


For lest we forget, let Him remind us: "We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus TO DO good works, which God PREPARED IN ADVANCE for us TO DO" ~ Ephesians 2:10.
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Life without?? NO! Life with!

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We had a powerful service in the prison Wednesday night. The ladies were grinning from ear to ear when they came in, greatly anticipating our worship and the message that God had put on our hearts to share. Can I say, "Ready?" Those girls were so ready! Super duper ready! I mean like majorly ready! Smiling so big. So happy. So excited! And as He always does, God showed up huge and spoke both powerfully and loudly! Miraculously. Majestically. It was a wonder!


I didn't count the responses we had. I was so enraptured by every next girl that had come to me to pray for her that I couldn't see the lines beyond them. But from those that are into numbers, I heard that we had a lot. I love their hearts! I love the simple-ness in the prayers they request. I love the sincerity in the requests that are hard to ask. I love their preciousness. I love their hugs.


Afterward, as the inmates were leaving with only a few still dwindling, one sweet lady came to me to thank us for coming. She said to me, "I love it when ya'll come. We can't thank ya'll enough. And it's especially good for us "life without-ers"...."


"What?" I asked as I grabbed her arm and pointed toward the heavens. "NOT "life-without!" I said, "But Life-WITH Him! And girlfriend, you'll never be "life-without" again!!!"


I was grinning so big when I said it. My heart swelled! I continued...


"What that means is that this is your "assigned field" for the rest of your time left on this earth. And oh my," I told her, "at the opportunity that you have with all of the lives of these girls! And without distractions! Without the distraction of thinking about all that you can do when you get out. But instead, with the focused determination of all that you can do while you're still in!" 


It wasn't a pre-thought out answer. I hadn't considered the wonder of that before. God just gave me the heart and the words to say it in the very moment it was needed. He simply just took over my mouth and gave me overwhelmed enthusiasm! I love His wisdom! For who would have thought that but Him?


No longer EVER life-without.... but for all eternity: Life-WITH Him! Wow! Whoa! Woe! What a thought!........
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A coat of many colors...

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A friend tagged me in a picture she posted on Facebook. Beneath the picture she said:

Life is like a coat of many colors...

"So many things that seem just so wrong at the time, quite often end up being blessings in disguise, if we manage a right attitude. ‘Unjust’ can eventually unfold life in a whole new direction and give life a whole new meaning. Don't forget God filtered it, allowed it, and can recycle it for His glory and our benefit"~Kay Wharram Jantzi.
 
Remember the story of Joseph who, despite being enslaved and imprisoned, rose to the tops ranks of power in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh himself. Joseph became the salvation of many, including his own people, and his story is a classic illustration that “All things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose” ~ Romans 8:28. When you “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, He will direct your paths” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6...We can trust our lives to Him because He knows the master plan and weaves every thread of our lives, even the mistakes, into a perfectly finished picture. Release yourself today into the capable hands of a Master designer who imagined the very stars in space and suspended them, one by one, by His words. Like a coat of many colors whose threads carefully hold together each piece of the garment, they are a simple reminder that the light of every day and the sparkling lights of each night are just parts of a carefully designed, complete and beautiful universe, created by a brilliant, but very personal God of your each and moment.
 
Wow!
 
I commented back to her: "Wow, Tillie, powerful! Do you know what spoke to me most? Putting your words with the visual of the picture..... and seeing the different people in the coat with its many colors.... perhaps this is a picture of our Savior with us in His person?? But also, I picture it as a picture of us individually... with all of the people that God puts into our lives (some good, some bad, some ugly ((*smile*))... some easy to live with, some a joy to, some hard, some that push our buttons, some that hurt us).... but each one, each person, God specifically put there... to mold and to make us, to smooth and to shape us..... every person, even the ones we don't want or wouldn't choose, has HIS purpose.... to make us as He wants us.... to conform us to Him!"

Okay... maybe a weird way of thinking(???), but one that hit me profoundly!.

Partying in the Prison!

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We had a party in the prison today. (I LOVE those girls!) We were celebrating a course we had just completed and readying ourselves to get started on a new one.

I told them that instead of us bringing food in to celebrate that I wish we could take them out to Red Lobster or somewhere instead... promising, of course, to the warden that, "We'd bring them all right back." Oh, wouldn't that be fun!!! They laughed at the picture. Most agreed with the want-to. And another (one of my favorites) said, "I don't know. It'd be bitter sweet. After we left and we were exposed to such freedom and indulgence... it'd be hard, almost cruel, to have to come back."

The truth of her statement both stunned and saddened me. I saw her point. And I knew she was right.

My youngest daughter came home from shopping the other day with a bird! She'd gone and bought herself a Parakeet. It was totally unthoughtout and unplanned. A non-restrained impulse of some crazy moment. And though she's such a pretty bird, her clipped-wings and caged imprisonment horrifies me! How cruel it seems to take such a thing of beauty and set it up to such cruelty for a dollar, to make a buck. Watching the bird took my mind back to the girls.... who once sold themselves for "a buck" (or something as frivolous), and their wings have been clipped... and satan first, then man, has caged them because of what they'd sold themselves to or to do. I have such a want to open the cage, to push them out, to give them their freedom, and for them to be able to fly again!

And then I thought.... that's what Christ wants! That's why Jesus came! He hates and is grieved and full of sorrow at our imprisonment. He came to set the captives free! He died in their place, so they could be freed to fly again! Soaring like on the wings of an eagle!!!... Now that's the kind of Savior I serve!

"But those that wait upon the LORD SHALL renew their strength; THEY SHALL mount up with wings as eagles..." ~ Isa 40:31.

AMP, "But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] SHALL change and renew their strength and power; THEY SHALL lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles..."

NIV, "But those who hope in the LORD WILL renew their strength. THEY WILL soar on wings like eagles...".... THEY WILL..... THEY WILL!!!... THEY WILL soar on wings like eagles!
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I had a dream...

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I had a dream last night...

I was at home. I was busy about doing whatever it is that I'm usually busy-about-doing when my doorbell rang. Upon opening the door I saw that it was one of my recently released prison girls that I had picked up and spent some time on the outside with standing outside with a male friend. I quickly realized that they hadn't come for a friendly visit. They roughly began waving the two guns that they'd drawn while pushing me back inside. They had come for whatever it is that they could find inside to take with them when they left.

The weird thing about it was that (in my dream) the guy was going to kill me. I turned to the girl that I'd come to love and done so much for and laughed while saying, "You're kidding, right?" 

At first I was too stunned to grasp the concept of what was actually happening. 

She responded with, "No." They were not kidding at all.

And again I said, "Really?"

To which she nodded and answered, "Really!"

I turned to her then to see her seriousness and while holding a finger up (as in a motion to  say "wait a minute") I said in the sweetest, calmest voice and a heart that had been flooded with peace, "Can I write a quick note first... to leave for my children?"

Stunned by what I'd said, they gave me permission.

Grabbing a sheet of paper and a pen I saw myself write, "My time is done. Now it's your turn. LOVE those girls... and care for them. They need you!"

And I meant it. I knew they'd need them. And in my dream, I knew that my death would be the vehicle that God was planning to use to endear my children to them so that every jailed prisoner there could hear Him.

Believe it or not, I woke with a smile.... for in my dream I knew my calling, and I knew that God knows when I'm finished and my calling's done. My life is in my Father's hand, not in the hands of any human. I'll be finished when I am, and not a second before then. And yeah, I hope my kids pick up the baton and continue what God's given my heart to do...... but only if He's given them to do that calling too.

I must admit that I was a bit surprised that I didn't write on the page how much I loved them. But then again, I know that they already know, for I don't waste a minute, I remind them a zillion times each day. The critical reminder of the moment was that God was in control and I wanted them to allow Him to not let the happening be in vain, but to redeem and use every bit of it. For what man intends for evil, God always intends to use for good! There's not a thing that man can do that God cannot redeem and bring great good out of! Is anything too hard for the Lord? Is His arm ever too short to save? :)

I LOVE the wonder of Him!... and also His plan... even when we don't understand it.

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Which side of the "but" are you on?

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"Weeping may endure for a night,....... but joy cometh........... in the morning." ~ Ps 30:5.

Weeping may last.... it may lodge.... it may stop over..... it may abide.... it may remain.... it may dwell.... it may tarry...... it may continue

for a night....

BUT!...

JOY COMETH!!!!

As encouraging as that verse can be, the hard part is not knowing how long "night" is....... and our quick want is to be on the right side of the "but"!

We hate the weeping, the bewailing, the tears, the lamenting. We're anxious for morning. We long for joy to hurry in its come! It's agonizing to be left for too long on the left side of the "but"...... We like hard things to hurry on its way. We don't like them. And when they don't, it's quickly discouraging, it's despairing, it's depressing.... it's a hard pit to linger in for too long.

I told God just the other day that, "Sometimes, Lord, the season we're in feels more like a sentence we're serving, rather than a season of time on a Holy Heavenly calendar. We long to be paroled, God, to EOS (End of Sentence), and to be freed and released from its pain-filled prison."

And sometimes too? It seems as if we're ping-ponging back and forth, being smacked from the right side of the "but" to the left in only a matter of unforeseen seconds. We're teeter-tottering between the two, battling for the victory to settle on "but"'s right side.... but it isn't easy, because this world can be mean, the enemy's relentless, and every day life's a fight as it tries to keep you on the mourning side.

Knowing God's scripture, while you weep, you continue to hope in God's promise: "those who sow in tears WILL REAP songs of joy".... You believe it's fulfillment. You sow as hard and as sincerely and humbly as you've ever sown... looking and longing for your tears' harvest... the songs of JOY that's your for sure known and expected end. You hang on to its word, knowing that God is still (always is and always will be) a Giver of GOoD, and always, too, a Worker-Outer-for-GOoD-of-ALL-things for those that love Him. You're extremely thankful for each and every blessing... and your heart's greatest longing is for the Blesser Himself.... for in your circumstances you've never been more aware that it's Him and Him alone that is your greatest desire and greatest gift.

But still.... wow, sorrowful's or hard's season wants to rob you and totally deplete you of joy's strength. Again though, your encouragement lies in the "but"..... even while you still weep!
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The loss of so many things... But God is still GOoD!

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As a follow-up to the previous post.. this post shows a glimmer of a few feelings that were typed out, but never posted on the date indicated... It's just a glimpse of where I've been traveling on this 2011 journey's road...

April 23, 2011

So much is going on. So many things has my eyes perputually leaking; it's a continual spill, an incessant weeping. So many things has my heart bleeding from a sorrowing hurt. An ache that won't quit. A ruptured torturing. An uncontrollable hemorrhaging. There's so much we have no control over. So many "endings" to things that are hard to give up... and that are hard to imagine living life without. It's been wild. Relentless. Ravashing. An unyielding pursuit of a devouring enemy. Any one of them in itself could be a spiraling depression to most. And yet, God is still GOoD! He still fills me full! I still feel (and am) so hugely wonderfully blessed. He still thrills me, whoas me, enamors me, endears me. He's still Sovereign. He's still The Great I Am! He still has a plan and a purpose and knows what He's doing. Each day ordained for me that's been written in His book before even one of them began is still right on schedule ,it hasn't been thwarted. He still knows better than we do. And I still trust Him in all that is happening.

Two weeks ago (against all of our want-to) we lost a very dear friend to the very aggressive and ravishingly devastating disease of cancer. Two months ago our company closed to bankruptcy. And in the current moment we have a great-nephew (Asher) who's in the hospital... and a daddy that's just gotten out and went home to Hospice. (Just to name a few... some are still too tender to speak of.)

Asher was born 6 weeks early and has been fighting for his life since he's been here. He's doing better now. And things on his part look much more hopeful than they first did. But still, his mom has yet to get to hold him. And she aches not only from the want, but from the need inside her that begs her to.

My daddy's so sick. He hurts so badly. He lives in misery. He can hardly whisper. He constantly asks in the tiniest, tiniest breathless whisper, "Help me... Help me... Help me..." because of his pain. He can't eat. Can't swallow at all (not even his saliva, we're having to suction it out). He's losing blood from who knows where (normal blood count is 12, his was a 6; it's considered severe at 7). He's so swollen. He needs to, but can't go to the bathroom. His back is unbearable. His breathing so labored. His such a modest person, and yet all dignity is being robbed.

UGH, I keep thinking, THIS AIN'T NO WAY TO LIVE! 

Last Saturday they put in a feeding tube inside him, which at first he refused to have, but panic forced him to give in. He needs the tube, not just for food, but to get his Parkinson's medicine... which hopefully will make his swallowing possible again. Now he's regretting he agreed to it. He's afraid the tube will keep him alive forever in this same horrific state that he's in, but never help him to get any better... instead just prolong his agony. 

He needs open heart surgery. He needs back surgery. He has Parkinson's. And they're afraid that his colon cancer has come back. They can't do heart surgery because of his back. They can't do back surgery because of his heart. They can't do anything more than they're doing for the Parkinson's. And we don't even want to know if we want to know or not if his cancer's returned.

I don't know the answers. What I do know is that this hellish hurt is not what I'd want for myself. It's awful to watch him suffering. I don't want him to go, I can't imagine him not here, but I don't want him to have to live like he's living.

But you know, with all of the losses, I keep thinking that we've got it so backward.... we're not living for this life... but for the next one. Yet, it's so hard to let one leave! Our days are still numbered... and God, for each of us, ordered and ordained each one. He knows when our days on this earth are done. And we can't even imagine what it's like finally seeing our Savior face-to-face. Wonder what exactly it is that my friend (that just left this earth for his Heavenly Home) sees now, that we have yet to?

I keep remembering these scriptures....

"There is a time
for everything,

and a season
for every activity under heaven;

a time to be born

and a time to die,

a time to plant

and a time to uproot,

a time to kill

and a time to heal,

a time to tear down

and a time to build up,

a time to weep

and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn

and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones

and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace

and a time to refrain,

a time to search

and a time to give up,

a time to keep

and a time to throw away,

a time to tear

and a time to mend,

a time to be silent

and a time to speak,

a time to love

and a time to hate,

a time for war

and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain for his toil?

I have seen the burden God has laid on men.

He has made everything beautiful
in its time.

He has also set eternity
in the hearts of men;

yet
they cannot fathom
what God has done
from beginning
to end."



But then, after remembering all those times, my mind keeps these particular times rolling around inside it, "There's a time to be born..... and a time to die.... a time to uproot..... a time to tear down..... a time to weep...... and a time  to mourn... "

Those are the times that I'm in.

I don't like the time.

I'm scared of it.

Indeed, there is a time for this and a time for that... but never a time to hold time back time. And some "times" are so much harder than others! Some "times" we'd all hold back and keep from coming completely if we could! We'd like to avoid them, simply skip over them, detour around them, and stop our clocks from ticking and landing on them.

In the midst of our "die" time (because whether we want it or not, or admit to it or not, it is what "time" our clocks are reading), it's comforting to know that whether we like the time or not, the time is still controlled by The Time Holder. And He still "makes beautiful" in His time! And in our time, we "cannot fathom what God has done (and is doing) from beginning to end." His plans are GOoD! He has purpose and reason. And our minds cannot imagine what our God is doing in the midst of our dark!

I think that my mom after dad's death knows that she'll feel much like the psalmist said in Ps 39:7, "But now, Lord, what do I look for?...", "Now Lord, for what do I wait?"

And then, even when being able to know her answer, "My hope is in You".... "My hope is in Thee".... her hope is focused on him (little "h"...not the Big One). 

God IS our Hope! Ultimately, only Him and Him alone. With no better hope to be had. And that being so, when we're in the midst of our wearing it, we can ask ourselves what another psalmist asked, (Ps 42:5-6; 77:1-15), "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember You......... I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered You, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. Selah. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. I thought about the former days the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired: "Will the Lord reject forever? Will He never show His favor again? Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has He in anger withheld His compassion?" Selah. Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High." I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all Your works and consider all Your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy, what god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; You display Your power among the peoples. With Your mighty arm YOU REDEEMED Your people...."

And she longs (again) for His miracle!

But expects and dreads that it won't be in keeping him here. Deep down inside she already foresees that our God has plans to take him Home.

But! He does redeem! He heals our hurts! He mends our brokenhearts. He puts our pieces back together again. He makes beautiful from the ashes that burn. He makes a Display of His Splendor in all that we go through after He's worked it ALL out FOR good!

It's not easy. But our God's good. And though our spouses might, He's not left us. And He's not forsook. And in all that He takes and all that He's took... in all of His sifting and refining... He has something when finished splendid to reveal in us! Jesus! Simply Jesus!

Oh Lord, when it boils down to it, it's all we need and all we want. Though You slay us, yet will we still hope in You! Our Redeemer LIVES... how our hearts yearn within to SEE Him and the redeeming He's specifully got planned!

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Since writing that, my daddy's left this place and now lives in the presence of the Lord that he's lived his life loving. He left here and moved there on my sweet son's 18th birthday. Boy, that was hard! We're happy for him, thrilled for him, but miss him greatly! He's stayed on our minds. As my mama said, "It doesn't matter if we're talking about the whales in the fartherest oceans, the blackbirds in the far away lands, the missionaries in Tibet, or three-legged animals in Africa's animal kingdom... it all goes back to him. Every thing said or every thought thunk... everything comes back to Sonny." And yes, it is that way for her especially, isn't it? Everything now pivots around him. Her thoughts are separated, he envades each one..

My youngest daughter was cleaning the other day and found a poem she once wrote in a class. It was beautiful! I felt it perfect! It's what I'll end with. It's about tears. Her last line's my favorite!

A Taste of Sadness

by: Sabrina Wynn Lee

Cold. Wet.

Is the way that it feels.

Running down,

Hitting the ground.

It brings out pain.

Pain that no one would ever know.

A secret between it and I.

Most times it's because I'm sad.

Other times could be because I'm glad.

A sweet and bitter taste it brings.

Running down.

Hitting the ground.

So much pain.

So much hurt.

A tear is all but words.

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The Lord gives.... and He takes away

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It's been a challenging 2011.

I have a friend in the throes of the frustration of trying to sale her home (I do not envy her, it is its own hard); and while they are trying to sale theirs, my mama is trying to figure out how to keep hers (She more than likely (unless God performs a great miracle ~~ which He so very much can if He wants to) won't). She's so alone, so scared, so overwhelmed, so uncertain, so "lost" (as she puts it).... so has no idea what's she doing or what to do. She misses my daddy so very much and the security that she had in him. She hates that he's gone when she needs him so! But then again, it's not really our daddys or our husbands or our (whoevers) that is our security at all. Only God. But, too, it sure is nice to sometimes have someone with skin on to do the scary things in life with, rather than feeling so all by yourself alone when the scary things are happening.

There's so much that I've yet to write about concerning my year. This has been such a hard one... for so many reasons! Daddy's death tips the top of the scale... but there are loads more lesser hards that are daily ones all still affecting our worlds. The main reason I've not blogged about it is because it's been too hard to speak of. I suppose if I could have hidden daddy's hurt (the hurt feelings felt in his sickness and death) under the rug, I would have failed to speak of that too to all those who knew. I would have held the hurt all by myself longer. I would have rocked it and nursed it not telling a soul, and cried in my stilled insaned-yet saned silence, cocooned in hurt's hole and sadly sorrowing alone. I didn't have that option, it was too open, too loud, too exposed, too 'everybody knew'.... But I probably would have if I were given the alternative. It's what I do... ball up in solitary muteness, weeping unaccompanied in my lone-confinement, travailing quietly in my labored detention all by myself inviting no one else in with me... until I've healed a bit and its hurt is less tender.

Ugh, I don't know that I do very hurt well. :)

I cannot tell you how much I've thought of Elisha and his feelings on the day that he knew that Elijah would on that very day be taken by God (2 Kings 2). Over and over everywhere he went the prophets would remind him, "Do you know the Lord is going to take your master from you today?"... and his reply each time was always the same, "Yes, I know. But do not speak of it!" There are things "I know" too.... that I don't feel ready to "speak of." Things that God has already took.... but things, too, that He is going to take from us that He's not taken just yet.

My daddy was taken.

And that's how I felt about him. On the very day that the Hospice nurse gave him 24 to 48 more hours to live, I heard her saying as Elisha did, "Do you know that the Lord is going to take your daddy from you today?".... And I wanted to tell her, "Yes, I know. But do not speak of it!" Another version, "Be quiet about it!" Another, "Yes, I have knowledge of it: say no more!" Another, "I also know it. But be silent!"

I knew. But I wanted her to hush. I didn't want her to verbalize it. I didn't want to hear the words. I wanted to be childish and sing, "nah nah nah nah nah nah..." with my hands held tightly over my ears. I wasn't ready to hear them. The vocalizing of it was harshly too painful.

Yet even in our sorrow of my father being "taken", we KNOW that he was "taken" from here only to be taken to a better Home! Still, the loss is hard! The being left behind is devastating! The knowing of where he is pampers our feelings tremendously... but the knowing of where he is not, and the one that is here left without him, is an excruciating agony daily that won't quit its anguishing.

Before my daddy, earlier this year, our company (my daddy's construction company of 35 years) was "taken."

But woe... not without a fierce fight!!!!!!!! We did everything that we possibly could to keep that boat afloat. But the storms that raged against it, the continual winds that wouldn't fail in its blow, finally succeeded in huffing and puffing and puffing and huffing until finally knocking that house of ours down. We mourn its loss! It was a financial security to many (though we've established earlier that our only real security only is in God). Due to the recession, the lack of jobs available (might we say NONE!), the spiraling economy, we couldn't keep it living. For months (as we fought) we watched the organs slowly shutting down. It's death was a devastation to many. What it once offered, it offers no more. And with its ruin, like the sinking Titanic, it took so much more with it than just its hull when it went down.

So many faithful employees that we'd grown to love lost their jobs, their income, their way to make a living. I lost mine. My daddy (before his death) lost his. My sister. My brother-in-law. My uncle. Our friends. And, adding to that loss for my sister and her husband (vice-presidents in the company), they lost their house, as well. Might I say, it's been a humbling season!

Daddy's sickness prolonged the devouring destruction for my parents. But now that daddy's not here anymore, the jaws of that post-poned lion is reaching out to my mom trying to devour her. Like I said, she'll probably lose her house too. Not only that, when the company went down, it took with it any and all of the insurance policies that my daddy had. Meaning, my mom at dad's death was financially left with nothing.

Talk about hard! She not only doesn't know how to do life without her husband anymore... but she's also wondering how in the world to now do life without a living?

Earlier still... before daddy, before the company.... my husband and I (due to a quick "short-sale gone bad" on a Gatlinburg cabin) filed bankruptcy (Chapter 13). Ugh, how I hate that word! Never have I imagined that I would be wearing it! In order to keep our house, we were basically forced into it. The saving grace of that one is (like all of the others), is that we didn't have to decide, because of the circumstances it couldn't be helped and thus was basically decided for us. Still, I don't know that that makes it any easier. It was another blow, a huge hit from the enemy, I feel like we've been in the fighting ring.... our bones (bones we didn't even know we had before) have been broken, our noses and lips are profusely bleeding. Someone get us a towel, some water, some bandages... but don't forget to stitch us up first! Be tender! Because we hurt!

Another one of my sisters, her  husband is threatening divorce... which if that happens would leave another sister without a home. It's my feeble mom though, that's been hit the hardest. Newly widowed (after 56 years!), soon to be homeless, and basically broke... there's not much left in her bank. We're studying the Book of Ruth in class on Sundays. I see my mom when I look at Naomi. Or, I now see Naomi, when I see my mom. She's not Job, though she resembles him. It could be worse. But she's feeling a greater compassion for Job, and she's feeling a little as if she's walking in some of his shoes.

All that...and still.... though this year has been unspeakably hard, the wonder and awe of God's blessings have been threaded all through. We couldn't have done life without Him! We've seen His sweetness. We've experienced His GOoDness. We've sustained on His mercy, His love, His compassion, His grace, His shepherding, His provison every day! He's shown up in corners and crevices and in cracks and crannies that we've never seen Him before. He's done the most precious things. He's been all over the place. Through it all, He's not hidden His face. We've seen Him! And we've been whoa-ed too many times to number in so many things that He's done! Little things! Big things! And all kinds of in-between things! The list is endless! And still it continues. How can we complain, when He's loved us so?

It's been hard. It's hard still. But "Fear thou not... I will strengthen thee... I will help thee...." And I believe Him! He has. And He will.

My wonders of Him never cease... even in our "take away" season.........

In our "I don't know"s... He does! And that's how, at night, I can lay my head down peacefully to sleep. He gives me songs in the night, songs of deliverance... and, again, as I said before, I hear Him whisper (for me, but also very much for my mom), "Fear thou not... I will strengthen thee... I will help thee.... I will strengthen thee... I will help thee.... I'll help thee.... I'll help thee... I'll help thee.....  I will ..... I will..... I will........ I will.............."
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Is your love "real"?

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A Wedding Blessing for Blake & Savannah – Dec 30, 2006

EXCERPT FROM THE VELVETEEN RABBIT
~ By Margery Williams ~

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "But when you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Savannah & Blake, may you both be committed to love each other till and when and after

 you’ve become very shabby, your hair has been loved off,

you’ve become loose in the joints, and your eyes begin to droop.

May you realize that “real isn’t how you’re made,” but “it’s a thing that happens” to you…

when you’ve been loved for a “long, long time,”

not because you’re fun “to play with” any more

nor because you’re cute,

but “real” happens after loving through the good times and the bad, the hard times just as well as the easy… till you “become.”

Sometimes “real” is hard, sometimes it hurts, but may you really love to really become Real.

Know that seasons will come…… AND they will GO! (God says that there is a time and a season for every thing).. note the keyword “season” here… for seasons come… but they only last for its season.

May you weather the wind and the rain, the storms, the heat, and the drought

until you get past your season… for God makes everything beautiful in its time… if you’ll let Him.

Blake, just as you are a soldier in the army, serving your country and fighting for its freedom; may you and Savannah both be soldiers, mighty warriors in God’s army. Serving Him well and knowing that He is with you and fights for you in the battle. Realizing the truth that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against an evil darkness and its powers. Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. When things get hard - fight for each other, fight for your marriage, fight for your sons, and for your daughters. Life is a fight… may you win its battle!

May God be able to say of you two as He once said of King David that you both are men after His Own heart. 

May you be blessed with a home filled with children… sharing God’s story from generation to generation.

May everything that you undertake to do be in service to God and in obedience to Him.

Seeking Him and working wholeheartedly to bring Him Glory.

May you live together building the sanctuary of your home into a temple built for His name.

May God Himself be “a wall of fire around it, and may He be its glory within.”

May you both be God’s Lights in a dark world.. and a Hope for those that don’t know Him.

May you see in each other the song that waits to be sung and seek to bring out its music.

When you talk about your spouse, may you color your pictures of each other as beautiful, and frame them, share them with others, and look at them often.

May you:

Listen.

Dance.

Laugh.

Sing.

Love.

And Forgive

……… A LOT!

It takes the bigger man to say “I’m sorry” first… may you BOTH be BIG!

May you always be partners in the same dance... committed to writing your stories in the same book.

The Skin Horse in The Velveteen Rabbit story was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, most of the hairs on his tail had been pulled out, as he explained to the Rabbit what "Real" is.  "The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always." May you both be committed to becoming “Real”… and may your “Real” last together for always.

Savannah & Blake, you two together… with God first… Three in One acCord. 

(Click to read: The Velveteen Rabbit in its entirety online. It shows a good description of what "real" is and what true "love" is supposed to be.)

This is old... something written for a friend years ago... but after my previous post about my parents, this has been resonating inside my mind. Finally, I thought I'd just share it........

And Bridget, if you are reading this, I'd thought you'd love to see it yourself to remind us all again of that precious moment.... watching and witnessing as your child vowed "to love and to cherish" from this day forward! And woe! "Cherish" is its own precious word!!!!!!!! One worth pondering and meditating upon! All that have previous taken the vow should ask themselves, "Do I still C-H-E-R-I-S-H the one that I've wed?"! Woe... so love it!

• Cherish: to feel love for; to care for; to treasure. To be fond of; to be attached to. To hold dear; to embrace with interest; to indulge; to encourage; to foster, to promote; to treat with tenderness and affection; to nurture with care; to protect and aid. To keep or cultivate with care; to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely... savoring, loving, adoring.

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My daddy moved... and I MISS seeing my father's face!

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But woe!.. at the "move" that he made!

I just wish for a moment that I could run for a visit. My mama so very, very, very much misses him too! I'm sure, a zillion times more than I ever do!

We talked about him today. But then again, when lately do we not? He's the subject of our minds. Our pivotal focus. Especially what her mind is fastly fixed upon.

They were married for 56 years! Something to boast about and be proud of in today's world. How thrilled I am that they stayed together. That they stuck it out no matter the mood or the madness of the moment. For better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. In good times and in bad. In joy as well as sorrow. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish. Til death do us part.

They promised that. And that's exactly what they did.

They had their share of "better" times... and their share, too, of "worse"! They enjoyed a lot of "rich"... and trudged through the stressing seasons of "poor." There was a load of "good times"... and they stuck it out through the "bad." They basked in the "joy".... and sowed tears (sometimes feeling alone and sometimes  t(w)ogether) in their "sorrow" and still made it through. The "healthy" days were greatly cherished..... because there was so much "sick." And through it all... "to love and to cherish" (even when fury tempted and rage bellowed) is just how they lived.

Until....

"Til death do us part"...

Death did just that. It parted their "us".

You fail to hear those words and realize them while vowing aloud the words that the minister has you repeating. But hearing them today, thinking of them today, they ring in my ears. "Until death do us PART!" Oh! That there dare ever has to be such "part"ing!

The tearing a-"part" is excruciating. Once you've lived together for that long, you don't have a thought without the other. You're "one"..... and somehow that "one" is torn into "two".... when there's no more a "two" to tear. I know my mom can go on. But still at this point, she wonders how she can do life for the rest of hers without him? Such anguish is torturing. Agony consumes her. Fear trembles her. A vacancy envelopes her. The "hole" left inside her hurts!

I do miss my dad. And sometimes... even though she's here, I so miss my mama too!

She's (we've!) had so much loss this year! And the season for "taking" ("the Lord gives and takes away") seems far from over yet. The taking is still being took. I'm sure she feels a glimpse of Job. She finds herself in some ways, walking Naomi's same road.

And yet with Job and Ruth and Naomi and Joseph.... their lives didn't end in their despair. Though it felt often and long as if it wasn't, there still existed in the distress: hope! Hope in a Savior that saves! Hope in a Redeemer that still lives and lives to redeem... and that is the same today as He will be tomorrow and was in yesterday.

Oh wow, I miss that father of mine! And my mama misses that man that she married! She misses the one she said "I do" to... and she still wants to "do" as much as she ever did! But it's not this life that we're living here for.... for it's here that we're preparing for the move to the next one! OH, at the move that my daddy's made! He's been packing his bags and been readying for that Place for years. He just moved ealier than we had wanted him to. And mostly, I guess, we hate that he made the move without us. Oh, for when we'll see him again! And there in that Home that he lives... with another Father, the Father we long more than ever to feast our eyes upon in a real live face-to-face forever!

What a Day that will be... when I see my real Father's face!
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She was dead when I met her....

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She was really cute though... for a dead person.


I didn't understand the lack of concern for her deadness from all of the people all around her. Every single one of them seemed more focused on their "issues"... their irritants... their schedules... and the weather than whether she was alive or not. And sadly, if I admitted it and were completely honest, I'd gotten used to it too... my eyes failed to see "dead" so easily as they should. I'd been around it too much and too long. I'd grown accustomed to it. It was common. It didn't really bother me much.

But.

My failure to care was starting to bother me. It was easier not to care... but that ease didn't make it right to.

She was really cute though... for a dead person. She didn't know that she was dead when I met her... and I wasn't sure how to go about telling her that she was dead. How do you convince a person that doesn't know? Or... maybe something somewhere somehow deep inside was already telling her? Yeah.... thinking about it, I'm sure that it was/is. It's in our make-up to. It's how we're made. We don't know. But then again, something else inside seriously knows that "deadness" isn't right... and it knows that real "life" is missing!

And even then.... the conversation that I did have with the "dead" girl... was about the item she was purchasing, how hot it was outside, and her plans for the upcoming weekend. I liked her! She had loads of personality! But ouch, her language was painful! We're told that "you will know them by their fruit"... let's just say, her "fruit" was showing and you didn't have to play the guessing game and wonder. It was easily "known" from what she said and how she chose to say it.

I finished my purchase, turned and left, then it dawned on me...

Ugh! I blew it! I let an opportunity to give Life pass me by.... pass her by..... because I was busy, I didn't think about it, I was distracted with buying my own item, and in total (horrible) truthfulness, it never even crossed my mind to.

Father, forgive me for my blindness... and forgive me for my heart that's obviously too cold to care for the perishing.

"The fields are ready to harvest, but the workers are few"... perhaps it's because the "workers" are too self-absorbed without even meaning to be?

Oh wow... like I said, she was really cute (even being dead)... but woe, Lord, why didn't I care more than I did?

I love what we read that Andrew did when he found the Savior, "The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, "We have found the Messiah!"" And us? How about us? Me? You? What do we do? How quick or apt are we to run to tell another?

You know, how could we really? We go about our busyness. We get our fast foods. We order our Starbucks. We read our books. We watch our shows. We go out to eat. We go to ballgames. We wonder what we'll wear to that event coming up. We doo our hair. We bleach our teeth. We paint our faces. We have our nails done. And as I said earlier, we dare to TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER!!!..... When all around us people are walking around.... "dead" people.... not even realizing they're dead..... and we go on with our living. We're too consumed in oblivion to care to take much notice. OR, maybe, just maybe, we'll decide to pray for them... when never saying a word to them while given the perfect opportunity!?!

"But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, nonworking) word they speak." - Matthew 12:36.

Was this one of those times that God was talking about when He said such?

Hmmm... it's only after the embalming that it's too late to do anything else but to bury her. BUT... while she's still walking and talking?....... what do you say to the "dead" person when you're given the moment and they're standing right next to ya? Could it be that God specifically placed and put them there for that second in front of you on purpose? So that you'd do something? Say something? Make mention of Him to them? What would Jesus do if He were you and He were there when He saw her? (He's inside you, you know? He still wants to work!)

Do we even see them.. or truly even care that they're dead? Why such true lack of concern from all of us that are living? How subtly the enemy wins keeping God's people so complacently distracted.

Lord, open our eyes to see! Give us super-natural hearts to LOVE them!... because Love doesn't "not do"... Love has to do something!

She was dead. And I didn't even offer her breath, I didn't even attempt to resuscitate her, I didn't share with her the news of the Life that I've been given that breathes and gives Life eternal. It wasn't too late in my moment.... but sadly now, I'll probably never see her again...........

Oh Lord, where I failed You... and her! Oh Lord, send someone else!... Someone that sees! Someone that loves! Someone that cares! Someone that shares!.... And help me next time, to be that "someone else" that I now wish I was.
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