I want to "spend" better.

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I told the Lord this morning that once we've "tasted and seen" that He is GOoD...then we cannot get enough. From then on out and forevermore, we're spoiled! We no longer ever, ever, ever again want to walk, talk, serve, work, act, hear, see, "do", in the natural; we now want only His supernatural every time! 

I'm asking for me and mine today what my oldest daughter (Prissy) asked for me to ask for her two days ago, some of His "daughter-of-the-Most-High-King favor" in all kinds of out-loud out-doing Himself flavor in every way that He chooses to shower us! May we bask in His Presence while seeing Him and enjoying Him while watching and participating with Him in His work! May the Glory of His wonder radiate from our faces... and in all that we do, may we be about our Father's business and in doing so be about Displaying His Splendor! For after all, as 'children of the Most High King'.. should we be expected to exude any less than such?

I had posted what you just read above on my Facebook page. I don't post often anymore, but this morning, I was just too full not to! I found I had to spill out (or explode if not!) somewhere.

A close friend commented by saying, "Don't we ALL just need/want/desire His lavish mercy & grace! BTW... I saw something new as I studied yesterday!!! LOVE THAT!!"

I commented back: ""Don't we ALL just NEED/WANT/DESIRE His lavish mercy & grace"? Indeed so!!! And so much more!!!! I DESIRE/WANT/N.E.E.D. to serve Him, as well! For as we both know, it is in serving Him, spending ourselves for others, that we are more filled ourselves. I want to "spend" better!!!!............ "Saw something new" just yesterday??? YES! It's a favorite "LOVE THAT" moment and feeling of mine myself!!! OH, at the wonder of our Lord!!!"


I've thought a lot about what I've said since then. What I said in prison this week to those beautifully-faced women that I talked to there. We've had a majestically, royally, Divinely, WONDER-FULL time this week in our classes. Our God blew our minds in our spellboundness at all of His saying! We literally all left after meeting together soaring! No prison razor-wired fences nor steel-slamming bars kept those girls in prison captured. They may have gone back to their bunks, and their legs may have been forced to stop, but our hearts were dancing to The King of kings at the song of the music that He had given us to sing! These imprisoned inmates may have been wearing their uniformed white, but His royal daughters have never looked more lovely!

That was our Monday night and Tuesday morning and Tuesday night, but then our Wednesday night service took us to a whole new wonder. Upon arriving I still was unsure of exactly what we'd talk about. I had a hodge-podge of some thoughts jotted on a piece of paper, yet I didn't feel we had a main text for the night. I was a bit fearful of how it would go, of what I would say; but I was trusting my God and His Spirit to fill me up and take control of my heart and my mind and my mouth, and to say only (and all) of what He alone wanted to say. 

Needless to say, He answered prayer and took control, and He did just that! And as it is when He does, it was magnificently, overwhelmingly awesome. His message was perfect. We were fueled up and left with a greater want-to. A more determined determination. A new focused fascination. We left having heard Him! We left wanting to serve Him! We left not only refueled and renewed, we left leaving on a mission!

I could type for the next three hours attempting to recapture and sum up what was said, but bottom line, God reminded us of one thing that He constantly says, and though constant, a thing that He continually needs to remind us. He told us (again!), to love our enemies! To bless them! To pray for them! To do good to them! I told them that we are constantly wanting to get well, but that if we instead started focusing our attention on someone else and "spending" ourselves on them, then that's when we'd receive our healing! If we truly loved our enemies... if we looked for ways to bless them... if we prayed for them... if we really, really, really did things to "do good" to them(!!), then we'd be filled up with fullness, and it'd heal our anger, our meanness, our madness, our unforgiveness, our bitterness, our backbiting, our gossip, our slander,.........our "healing would quickly appear," "our righteousness would go before us," and "the glory of the Lord would be our rear guard,"....  "our light [HIS Light!] would rise in our darkness," the Lord would "guide us," He'd "satisfy all of our needs," and our "frames would be strengthened" (see passages below).

If we quit being so focused on ourselves and we were "being about our Father's business" as Jesus was (and still wants to be), then we could turn upside-down until right-side-up in a prison!!! :)

I can't quit thinking about it. I've written myself a note to tape to the mirror of my bathroom, "I want to love better! I want to 'spend' better! I don't want to waste time, I want to be about my Father's business!"

May we all both love well (both love ourselves until we're well.. and love others until they can get well), and may we spend ourselves well on others!

"Shout it aloud, and do not hold back,

Raise your voice like a trumpet.

Declare to My people their rebellion

and to the house of Jacob their sins.

For day after day they seek Me out;

they seem eager to know My ways,

as if they were a nation that does what is right,

and has not forsaken the commands of its God.

They ask Me for just decisions

and seem eager for God to come near them.

'Why have we fasted,' they say,

'and You have not seen it?

Why have we humbled ourselves,

and You have not noticed?'

Yet on the day of your fasting,

you do as you please

and exploit all your workers.

Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,

and in striking each other with wicked fists.

You cannot fast as you do today

and expect your voice to be heard on high.

Is this the kind of fasting I have chosen,

only a day for a man to humble himself?

Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed

and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?

Is that what you call a fast,

a day acceptable to the LORD?

Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help,

and He will say, Here am I.

If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing of finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves

in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always;

He will satisfy your needs

in a sun-scorched land 

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings...

(Isaiah 58:1-12)

Like I said, I've thought a lot since our Wednesday night's commission to get busy about our Father's business. Again, I want to love better! I want to "spend" better! I want to let the Lord do all that He wants to do in this body of mine in all of the time that I am still left here to do it.
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If they had had phones!!!

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"At once [when Jesus drew His last breath] the curtain in the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, and rocks split apart. Graves opened, and many of God's people were raised to life. Then after Jesus had risen to life, they came out of their graves and went into the holy city, where they were seen by many people." ~ Matt 27:51-53

Hmmm... 

Can you even imagine?!! 

Can you imagine the mouths dropped open... the hugs,... the screams,... the squeals,... the conversations, and maybe perhaps even the fainting!!! 

If they had had phones back then, can you imagine everyone grabbing their cells and calling everybody they knew to tell who it was that they just saw or were talking to! The tweets of "You'll never guess who's here???!!!"... The Facebook status's of: "You'll never believe this"...! The Instagram pictures showing proof of the live-walking-around-presence of the recently raised previously dead friends!!!.... 

Wow! I'm sure as "the risen to life" person left that the person that was seeing them took off to run to tell somebody else! I wonder at that awe! I wonder at the chaos! I wonder at the joy! I wonder at the tears that fell! I wonder, too, what it must have looked like from the Heavenlies! Not counting all of the "Ahhhh"s.. and "Oh my goodness"es over the Savior that had risen, but there were site-ings of people that family and friends hadn't seen walking alive on this planet for years!

What was that like? 

And then.... What happened to them???

Did they soon disappear to lie back down in the former graves that they had just left? Or, did they go back to their normal lives, and live until they died again? What did they say to their loved-ones? What questions were they asked? How many tears were shed? How many apologies? How many I-love-yous? How many I-miss-yous? How many I-don't-want-you-ever-to-leave-agains? Were there any oh-my-goodness-you'll-never-believe-the-beauty-of-what-Heaven-looks-likes?

Many of God's people rose when Jesus did!!! 

Jesus rose..!!! He's the Ultimate!!!

And now, because He did, we now can too.... and if saved, someday we really, really, really forever-after really, really, really really will! :)
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An email from the Ultimate!

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Wow! After posting the previous post out to a mass email of friends, and then receiving several of the sweetest replies, the following verse was emailed to me (via. Verse for the Day) the next morning:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion

and the God of all comfort,

Who comforts us in all our troubles,

so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

2 Cor 1:3-4

Praise God indeed!

For when I opened that email I HEARD my Shepherd's voice!... and I knew, too, that He was telling me (and HER!) that HE has heard! Not for a minute after mailing out the mass email did I fail to see God speaking everywhere in His sweet resounding reassuring way! Saying out-loud that 'This IS Who I Am: "The Father of Compassion / the God of ALL Comfort - Who comforts us in ALL our troubles."' 

I had already begun on a rampage and deep into digging into another verse that relates so huge with this. He amazes me! And I love that after sending out that email that HE Himself it seemed wrote back to me telling me (and mostly her!) that 'He's in'(!) - and that He's 'in' with the compassion that can't be measured / and the comfort that can handle it "all"!!... every bit of it!!.. everything!! And with that also, another wonderful thing in His nice reminder that all those that have received the comfort before her, was given that comfort to share. Talk about an email! It was an email sent from the Ultimate - God Himself! 

I felt Him rallying in the troops!!!... People started emailing back the sweetest things, crying out to Him for her!!! Sharing the comfort that He had once shared with them!!! A full-circled-cycle! Warriors running to war in a battle that they themselves once fought... and crying out fiercely against the evil threat of the enemy.... fierce in their seriousness to help the wounded, because they've felt that hurt!... and they were given that comfort! They know the One Who comforts!... and are now eager in their efforts to share! How SWEET! I LOVE that He let me see so vividly its picture!!! Praise Him! Praise Him! Praise Him! "PRAISE BE [for real!!!!] to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our troubles,so that we can comfort those in any trouble  with the comfort we ourselves have received from God" (emphasis mine).

I'll amen it again: Praise Be!!
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If you saw her...

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If you saw a little girl robbed, beaten, and left for dead in a place where you were walking by; if you saw her hand outstretched reaching out for yours; if you stopped long enough to see her tears, her wounds, her bleeding, her desperation, her need; if your compassion moved you deep enough to look and linger longer and you listened long enough to hear her cry........ and if you heard her say between wretched sobs because of her dire need for help; if you heard her say to you: Go tell my father! Go get him! Tell him I'm hurt! Tell him I need him! Tell him I won't make it unless he come!"..................... Would you go? Would you go get her father? Would you tell him she needs him? Would yy tell him to come?

If in awe and pure fear and a total stunness of the moment, if you stayed just a tiny bit longer, and in just a glimpse you saw underneath her two little boys wounded and beaten and robbed too; and if the need overwhelmed you........ They need the help of their father!!!! Seeing them there, how could you possibly not go get him?

I have a friend who wrote to me the other night telling me that she needs prayers, she's having a very rough time. She wrote asking me to pray. And wrote asking me to ask others, too, to pray for her. In all sorts of ways, she's been robbed, she's been beaten, she lays bleeding; and as she cries, so many pass her by. She's not asking for anything other than prayers, she's asking that we will go tell and get her Father! She's asking us to ask Him if He'll come and help her!

Will you go? 

Will you prayer for her?

He knows her name and the names of the two boys that lie beneath her. If you will, go get Him! Tell Him to hurry! Tell Him to come! They need Him so.

Thank you in advance to those who stopped to see and who won't pass them by!

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"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper, 'Look after him,' he sad, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.' "Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?" The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him." Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise.""

Are you "going and doing likewise?" Which one are you?

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A closed door that didn't stop Jesus

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I love the Word! Have I said that lately? I l.o.v.e. the Word! I cannot begin to tell you how much I love it!

I love when a passage speaks. I love when a word jumps off the page at you. I love when it magnifies itself! When it screams attention! When it shows up in 3-D. I love when it makes it into your heart, into your mind, into your soul, into your spirit, into the marrow of your bones, down into the deepest and every part of you and you can't quit thinking about it! I love when it penetrates! When it pierces! When it incites! Excites! When it thrills you! When it fascinates! When it amazes you. Awes you. Astonishes you. Entrances you. Captures you. Captivates you. I love when you can hear it like you've never heard it before. When you can see it differently! Clearly. Visually. When it feels like it's just for you! Or when you know that you've just seen it in order to grab the phone to make a phone call to tell someone else! I love its speaking! And I love when you can't help but to tell of what it's just said to others!

I ran across such a word today! One that once seen it stayed in my seeing! One that I've tried to keep picturing! One that I could visualize in the time that it told of, and one that I can't help but envision happening thousands of times since.

"On the evening of that.. day..., when the disciples were together, with the doors locked..., Jesus came..."!  ~ John 20:19 (NIV)

Woe, what a statement!!!

"That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors... Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them!" (NLT)

"On the evening of that day.. the disciples had gathered together and locked the doors of that place because they were afraid.... Jesus came and stood among them" (NET)

Can you picture it?! Can you imagine?!

"... when the doors were shut.... Jesus came..."!!! (NASV)

"Although the doors were locked; Jesus came..."!!! (ESV, 20:26)

"Even though the doors were shut, Jesus came..."!!! (ISV)

"...Yeshua came when the doors were barred; He stood in the center and He said to them...." (Aramaic Bible in Plain English, 20:26)


Oh, that Jesus comes! Even when doors are locked! Even when doors are locked! EVEN W~H~E~N DOORS ARE LOCKED!!! 

What a phenomenal thought!!! Especially last night for all those locked behind barred doors inside the prison I was in! Jesus comes! HE came! (Oh my goodness, it was phenomenal ) With no door being able to bar,to lock, to shut or to keep Him out if He wants to come in it! What an encouraging thought! What a tremendous truth and reality!

We often lock our doors... from fear, from wounds, from hurt, from despair, from disappointment, from depression, from misunderstanding, from rebellion, from ______..... All kinds of "from"s!! 

What mood or madness or emotion locked your door?

Jesus can come!... even when doors have been locked! When doors are locked... GLORY!.. HE STILL COMES!!!
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Show ME Your Glory!

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I ran across an old email today that I wrote to a friend on 11/4/2005. It said:

I just had a thought: Why do we focus so often on the darkness and the evil and the ugliness of things around us in this world (complain! complain! complain!), when there is so much Light? Let's focus ALL of our thinking on Go(O)d things today... and not give the enemy glory in all of the havoc that he has created. For I wish to give ALL of my glory (my headline news!) to that which is really Glorious. Let's sing praise to our Creator and Savior with every word we utter.

Exo 24:17 says, "To the Israelites the Glory of the LORD looked like a consuming fire on the top of the mountain"...

To Sharon "the Glory of the LORD looked like" the rise of the sun and the mercies that He brings with it that are "new every morning"....

To David "the Glory of the LORD looked like _____________"....

And all day long Sharon and David saw the Glory of the LORD in all of His wonder all around them.

Let's have that said from our God about US when we lay our heads down upon our beds tonight.... that we saw the Glory of the LORD because we took the time to see it!!!

"Then Moses said, "Now show me Your Glory" (Exo 33:18).

Then Sharon said, Now show ME Your Glory...

Then David said, Now show Me Your Glory...

And now, let's recognize it and praise Him for it when it appears!!

David wrote back. He said:

It is just amazing at God's awesome way of making things and thoughts connect to His wiring and signals. His network is worldwide, and even bigger than that. As I ponder the question, "What Glory do I see?" I had just yesterday afternoon, when reflecting God's amazing grace and power, was awed at the sight through the window I was looking through. I shared with a co-worker, that no matter how splendorous the project, or how pretty the paint is, nor how majestic the architectural design on any building on earth, NOTHING matches the beauty of the raw sky and earth. When GOD shows off and gives us a pretty day, my eyes will never get tired of looking at it, nor does the scenery get old, because NOTHING beats the portrait that GOD draws!!!

AMEN!!!! Well said! The Glory of the LORD, indeed, has been seen!!!!!!!!!!!! :)Today has been a Very, Very GOoD day!

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Sometimes we choose crooked.. or crooked chooses us

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I hate rape! I hate killings! I hate stabbings! I hate robbery! I hate meanness and ugliness, just for meanness and ugliness sake! I hate illness and I hate diseases.......

I hate lots of things that have gone on that I wish had not! LOTS! LOTS!!! 

We live in a crooked world, and just get knocked crooked a whole lot of times on the paths of our journey as we're walking along. Sometimes we choose crooked, or crooked chooses us.... Either way, we often end up knocked crooked and then are left having to deal with it. 

Torn ligaments are painful to walk on after the tear, broken bones need healing, wounds need tending, holes need mending, bruises HURT because there's bleeding under the skin..... Isn't it amazing how many wounds there are that can't be seen to the naked eye, yet causes the one wounded to hobble or to walk funny without obvious reasons to the person observing them? 

Some wear a frown and a furrowed brow. Some snarl and growl. Some bite and hit. Some smile, wearing the disguise, yet carrying inside them an "I'm-crying-inside-but-nobody-knows-it-but-me" heart. Some lick their wounds and nurse it their entire lifetime, rocking its sorrow and singing the tune of its blues. Some laugh, but it's fake and loud in its attempt to cover. Some dare another person to get close to it, and snap in attempts to bite them if they try to. Some dress the wounds while constantly picking the scab to make it bleed. Some run like crazy, bursting it open again and again at their crazed incited accident-waiting-to-happen lunacy. Few, only a few, will take it to The Great Physician Himself and allow Him to wash it and clean it, stitch it and sew it, anoint it and dress it, and allow Him to bandage it and tend to it until it's completely and totally healed.... leaving the "few" to wear it as a testimony to The King! The scar still shines as its 'Purple Heart Medallion,' its medal of honor pin, testifying to the soldier's valor, his combat in the fight, his bravery to do what must be done for victory to come. Oh, these 'few' may walk with their limp, but(!) they'll walk with their heads held high, with security in their steps, with joy in their hearts, peace in their minds, and smiles on their faces that bear the marks of a resurrected life because of the one they left behind and chose not to swim in for the rest of their days appointed on this earth. They'll choose to live for the next life, and not die daily in their this one.

I could not resist. I had to pause here to go look up the Purple Heart. Here's what I found: "The PURPLE HEART is awarded to members of the armed forces of the U.S. who are wounded by an instrument of war in the hands of the enemy and posthumously to the the next of kin in the name of those who are killed in action or die of wounds received in action."

When we're wounded, may we allow our Great Physician to heal us, and may we wear our Purple-Hearts to display and honor our King! May we combat the enemy.. and fight for our freedom, because freedom never has, and never will, be free!

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"In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was afflicted with a disease in his feet. Though his disease was severe, even in his illness he did not seek help from the LORD, but only from the physicians." (2 Chron 16:12).

Wow! And Asa died because of it! Let us not be guilty of such!.. of going to a doctor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or counselor, even a friend,... but not go to the Lord, the Great Physician, Himself! No matter what you've done, or has been done to you, Jesus Himself CAN (and wants to!) heal it!   
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Who closed the door?

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"What, LORD, what about this? What? Is this right? Help me here! Is this Your will? Is this spacious place, this refuge for people, this place to run to that we'd been praying for... not that at all??? Were we wrong? Because, it's okay if we were, we only want Your will. It's not for us anyway! Not for our glory, but Yours! But is this Your will? Or have we just so easily excepted the closed door as being that it is?"

In my frustrated confusion that's what I asked Him. After people had such a knowing of what God wanted done... the door was shut! And, those that were asking excepted the closed door as the will of God. But me, after there had been so much prayer, I couldn't help but question it. I couldn't rest in such ease of acceptance.

I wondered.... is it really, really, really God that closed the door?

I could not help but think: when Moses went before Pharaoh after God had sent him, Pharaoh did not immediately and readily and graciously submit to Moses' request. Mind you, it was God's request that He had sent Moses to request for! It was a fight before Pharaoh let the Israelites go! And Joshua was told to go in and possess the land that was promised to be given to him.... but the inhabitants of the land did not bow down and move over and off at his coming. It was a fight before possessing the land. That very land that God's very own chosen people were SENT to go to, and promised to be given! Satan does not move over just because we approach someone and ask. Satan does not just give up and give us the land just because we want it. 

I can't help but wonder: Do we know how to fight?

We ask and pray, and we hope and believe.. but do we know the first thing about fighting? And if we believe, really believe, then won't the belief, the faith, be tested to see if we really believe it or not? Isn't it part of the requirements of believing in the fight of holding on to what we believe has been said and promised to us?

Do we know how to fight?

Do we fight?

Do we even expect to have to fight?

Do we know what fighting is?

Or do we bow at the closed door that we've prayed to be opened, and being that we find it closed (because Satan dare not want us to go in and posses it), we bow and call it closed by God's very own hand? When possibly it wasn't God's hand at all? Are all the closed doors closed by Him? Is it really Him? And how do we know??? Because I know that IF we know that it IS God's hand that we really don't want to go there. We really can be happy and satisfied with knowing that it's simply not His will, therefore it's not best, and we can submit to God's answer whether our will and our want was hoping for the other thing or not, because we know Him enough to know that He knows best and that in the long run, we really do want what He wants... whatever that is.

Our problem comes when we aren't sure of His will. How do we know what His will is? HOW do we KNOW what He wants??? How do we KNOW His will for any thing???? When an important matter in our walk on this earthly sod in the roles chosen for us to play comes up, perhaps a "life or death" matter for one or for many, how do we really KNOW what His will for that matter is??? HOW??? We can think strongly that God is leading us to do something, we can be greatly convicted of it;... then what changes what we were so convicted of the day before?? Does a mere measly meager "No" change all of that? Just because the door doesn't swing open do we become doubtful of what we first ever thought to begin with??? Is that the way it should be??? A wishy-washy double-minded man depending on the accessibility of the door that swings on its hinges or if it's barred shut or not? 

I don't know. 

How do we know?

How do we really, really, really know what His will is?

And why do we think that by believing we won't have to fight to possess what we're believing for?

These things baffle my mind. It's wonder won't quit wondering. I need to know!!! I keep putting before God all of these things that I don't understand. Asking Him about certain things that I've been believing Him for - for days and weeks and months and years of thinking this a thing to be something that He has said to me...yet the door still has not opened. "LORD, is this You or not??? LORD, is this Your will or not??? LORD, did you say this to me, or did my own mind make it up??? Do I continue to believe, or am I foolish in thinking it ever Your will at all in the first place??? LORD, HOW do I KNOW Your will and what You want???" Because if I know it's Him, I can fight!!!!!!! I can hold on to the hope and fight for the thing in total belief for it, because of my belief in Him no matter the struggle or the man in my way, no matter the door that looms locked and imposes. But if I'm not sure, I can't and I won't. And I'm not naive enough to not know that Satan still slithers up to us as he did in the very beginning of time in the Garden of Eden and whispers his very first question that he asked of man, "Did God really say ___?" And with his questioning what I had originally thought that God had said to me, I begin to doubt that it's God's will at all, and if God really said or He didn't.

"If any man lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. BUT when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does..." Those verses follow the ones that say, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you KNOW the TESTING of your FAITH develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything." (James 1:5-8,2-4, emphasis mine)

The testing of our faith still comes!!! Just as it did for Abraham, for Isaac, for Joseph, for Moses, for Joshua.................. and on and on and on until our turn! And as surely as the testing of our faith still comes is the truth of "without faith it is impossible to please God" (Heb 11:6). And I believe that sometimes believing is a fight! We must fight for things that we believe in, in order to possess it. Yet, I don't think believing is the only thing. Where's the fight? I don't think we really understand what fighting means. I don't think that it's faith alone with our saying aloud that "we do believe." I don't think it's prayer alone. Or maybe that's incorrect? Maybe that really is exactly what fighting is? BUT I don't think that we can call a battle being fought and it really qualify as fighting with only being on ours knees for a night. I think fight sometimes gets up day after day after day and is not thwarted by a door disguised as "closed" by God's hand because it didn't fall open at the first breath blown from us in our asking it to.

Doesn't that make sense? I am needing God to give me wisdom here. I really do go to Him with the question, "How do I know?" And I really do wonder if we're missing what "fighting" really means? I really do wonder if what we do really qualifies as being called a fight as He's called us to do? Can we call what we do fighting? In our armor, we're only given one weapon with which to fight with: "the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." Revelations 1:16 tells us of Jesus (Who IS The Word): "from out of His mouth came a sharp double-edged sword." What does that mean? He told the disciples to "speak to the mountain." In the desert when satan was tempting Jesus, testing and trying Him, Jesus quoted Scripture. Scripture doesn't tell us that He stopped to pray! He spoke Scripture to the enemy. He uses His sWord. What does that mean??? Do we wield the sWord... really?

How do we know? How do we know His will? How do we KNOW it for sure? And do we really think that we won't have to fight for what His will is? Can we call all closed doors, doors that have been shut by His hand? How do we know when satan slithers constantly and consistently with his, "Did God will say" echo? Those questions that make us wonder if God really did or not? And do we even really know the first thing about what fighting is?

I'll be honest, there are a land of giants, enemies that possess a land that I feel with all of my heart that God has told me is His promise to me... I feel He's told me to clear them out, to go in and possess it, so that His Glory will Shine! not for mine! not for me! HIM!!! Him!!! HIS Glory alone!!! "So that all the people will know that I am God and there is no other"!!!!! I look like a grasshopper up against these giants! They're huge! They're mighty! And they're mean! And because the "Israelites" of today (God's people, Christians), because they themselves haven't been this way before, they've spied the land, and want to run the other way and leave the enemies in that land where they are! All the while saying, "We can't attack those people, they are stronger than we are... The land we explored devours those living in it! All the people we saw there are of great size!... We seem like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we look the some to them... If only we had died in Egypt! OR in this dessert"!!! So God let them die there!!! They died there!!! So many died!!!!... never going into a land that had been promised, for fear of driving out the enemy before them! They only wanted to go if they were invited, and if the door was graciously opened to welcome them in.

There's a land that I do believe that God has promised to me (and I don't mean earthly sod). He's entrusted me with a hope for a thing that looks incredibly hopeless, the most impossible looking thing that I think that I can even think of. It's crazy! A ridiculously looking hope in most Christians' eyes. But a hope nevertheless that won't let me go. Not that I won't let go, but it won't let me go!! GOD keeps placing it in my hand when my hands threatened to drop the craziness of it. I've prayed. I've sought His Word. I've asked His will. I've asked Him again and again and again. And I want you to know that I'm talking GIANTS here in that land... Giants!!@!! Something bigger than me!.. .and they don't want to leave!!! To get then to... will take a fight!! And I'm not sure that I know what fighting really is! And in my I-don't-know-how-to-fight place where I am, satan whispers, hollers, yells, accuses, shakes his head all over my face: 'Did God really say that to you? You just made that up! God didn't really say! And God won't do that too-big-of-a-thing anyway!'

How do I know for sure if it really is His will or not? And if it is, what's it mean to fight for it? And if it's so big and will be used greatly to show His Glory, what makes me think it won't be a fight in the first place? Is it He that has closed the door that I've not been able to open? Or, are the walls that surround its gates of the enemy? I just need to know!!! The 'gates of the enemy' don't scare me so much, because I KNOW the ONE Who has the power to possess it!.. the power to remove it... or the power to crumble it. I just have to know that I know... and fight for what I know is right! What's the closed door mean? And who was it that closed it?

I still have questions that I seek answers to. God knows my heart. I can honestly say that I am seeking Him with every bit of it. He promises that the one who does will find Him. My hope is in Him! My trust is in Him! "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning" (Ps 130:5,6)! Abraham was a long time in receiving his promise.... most of them were. It's my turn. It's my season. It's my wait. It's my generation. And if you're reading this, it's yours too. I long to SEE what my heart hopes for!!!!!!!!!!! For HIS Glory!!!!! For His Name's Sake!!! To show the Magnificent of HIS GLORY!!!!!!!!!... so.... that(!!!) people will know!!!

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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.... By faith Abraham, even though he was past age... was enabled to become a father because he considered Him faithful who had made the promise" (Heb 11:11).

And now us, in our turn, if God saw fit to write about us, what would ours say? By faith _______, even though _________ was enabled to ____________ because (s)he considered Him faithful who had made the promise. Or, could He not say that about us at all because our faitha and our fight has failed Him?
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This _____ is what I'll need!

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I had an older friend write to me to request my help in prayer for something that he believes with all of his heart that God wants him to do. He feels strongly that it is God that told him to do it. It is to further the Kingdom's business. It is in hopes to give others that don't know Jesus a place to come... and thus, a place to be introduced to Him. He wanted me to pray about it, and asked, too, that I would share with him anything that I felt like the Lord was leading me to tell him. It took me several days to respond. Finally, after much prayer, I wrote him back. Below is some of what I told him:

After opening my mail and reading what you wrote I as extremely leery of writing anything back unless I felt it strongly and it was a huge knowing inside for me to tell you so. I prayed yesterday about it, and have prayed throughout the day today, and I've told God that if He wanted me to give you an answer in any way that He would have to give me one to give. I walked into my bathroom just now thinking about it, just wondering... but not really even asking the question at this point, and as I leaned over to look at my face I felt He said to me, "Be bold!" 

"Be bold?" I asked. "That is Your answer? To be bold" 

And with all of my heart this is what I felt He said to me (not with verbalized words that are audible to hear, but hearing inside my heart): 'If it's for My Glory, for My Kingdom's sake, for My Name, and for the saving of souls, and for My people.... if it's to serve Me in My Kingdom; then be bold in asking for what it is that you want, what it is that you need, to serve Me with all of your might... Be bold! Ask with boldness! And believe Me to give you what you ask Me for! What would I not?... if it's for My Glory?'

Wow! Good point!!!! Why would He not? What won't we come to Him believing that it is HE that has lead us there? And if we say we believe that He is behind the whole thought of it, if we know that, then why do we question whether He is willing to answer us or to do the thing we need Him to do or not???

Why aren't we bold? Why don't we believe when we ask Him? Why do we think we must beg and plead? It's for His Glory for Heaven's sake! For HIS Name!! not for us!!! not for ours!!! We're being about our Father's business!! Serving and washing feet!! Teaching and equipping!! Let's believe Him to equip us for what we need in our serving Him!!

As a warrior, and as a child of the King, see yourself on bended knee before Him on His throne. See Him tell you what your orders are that you are to do to serve Him! Then, see yourself raise your eyes to His and say to Him, This ________ is what I'll need in order to do what You've asked me to!

Be bold! Pray audaciously! and believe Him for it! If it's His will, He will provide! Thus pray for His will to be done!

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer" ~ Matt 21:22
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I feel overwhelmed!

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Friend: What do I do?? I am asking God.

Me: I think you answered your own question.

Friend: Thank you!

Me: You're welcome. It's a war! We must all fight to save!

Friend: I feel overwhelmed.

Me:  Amen! It's the "How-can-I?" syndrome! Moses had it... Gideon had it... Saul had it... Isaiah had it... Jeremiah had it.... Just to name a few. But it's God's comeback that holds the answer: "I will be with you!" God first sees the slavery, He hears the cries of the one oppressed, then He acts by SENDING one to help in their deliverance. It's just how He works. "Overwhelmed" can find solace in WHO it is that goes WITH him! Now GO... and do what you know that He's told you to!
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But Jesus OFTEN withdrew to LoNeLY places

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"But Jesus OFTEN w.i.t.h.d.r.e.w. to LoNeLY places and PRAYED!" 
(Luke 5:16 emphasis mine)

I have so missed withdrawing to my lonely places with Him! 

I am sad to admit to my negligence. 

Today I have sat at the feet of my Jesus and been fed!!!

I have not studied.

I have not done homework.

I have not sat down to prepare a lesson.

I have simply been with Him. Listened. And prayed. What a beauty-filled-full morning!!!!

Perhaps we have 'lonely' times, moments, seasons, on purpose? 

Perhaps we have these 'lonely' times in order to go away and withdraw to Him alone? Because, sometimes perhaps, if we didn't we wouldn't withdraw alone with Him at all?

It's been another VERY GOOD day. I've missed this for too long! For sadly I have been distracted by too many things. 

Today... I was focused on One!
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His mercies are new every ____

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I had a super hard (challenging!) last 5 weeks. Then, on top the turmoil, last Saturday I fell. 

Twice! 

I don't remember what happened either time. To put it simply, I suppose I just blacked out; though normally I know I'm headed that direction because I feel in advance the light-headedness starting to take over. Such feeling gives me time to put my head down, and wait until the feeling passes over me; thus preventing such falling from happening.

Not this time.

The first fall wasn't too bad. The second? Left evidence! Though I cannot tell you anything that happened, by deduction I've figured out what it was that I hit. A huge concrete urn that sits right inside my front door. It cracked my tooth, cut a place underneath my jaw, hit my cheek bone, tore up the top part of my ear, scraped and put a huge knot on my head behind that same ear, and whopped the top of my arm and my hip. Today I am sporting a rainbow of colors such as purple and blue in some places, and I'm wearing a putrid green upon my face. 

But that's not why I'm writing.

In my month of "hard" (Lord, please forgive me when I whine!)... I switched only between two sets of clothing. The first: "Trying". And the second: Plain out "Ugly."

Now, after the fact, I feel horrid! That being so, I texted my daughter (who during this time so very  kindly listened to me), my husband (who patiently tolerated me), and my best friend (who sympathized despite all of my ridiculousnesses). I typed to all three:

God so gently and sweetly and tenderly (but seriously!) reminded me of a portion Scripture that I quote and think of often. The part that I often say to others and that He reminded me of is that we are to be "a display of His Splendor" (Isa 61:3). I cannot tell you of the countless times that He has stopped me in my tracks with the ever-knowing admonition that in my present mood of the moment that I am failing to display any Splendor of His at all. I am displaying alright, but it's only a nasty look!

I am ashamed and horrified and embarrassed and sorry for all of my ugliness these past few weeks!! Please forgive and except  my apology.

Then today, just now, God wildly reminded me that another part of that very verse says that we are to wear "a garment of praise" instead of being clothed in "a spirit of despair." 

I will be honest and tell you right now, I had been garbing myself daily from the wrong wardrobe!

Yuck! He's so right!!! I have very much failed Him. The garment that I have been clothed in was a pitiful unexplainable darkness of despair that I looked (and felt!) horrid in!... simply no joy (no praise!) at all within or without of me.

Please forgive me when I whine! For I have so much to praise God for. Indeed, the JOY of the LORD is always our strength. I love, too, the reminder today and the admonition from my Lord.

Like I said, I sent this to Prissy (my daughter) as well as the other two; later to find out that Prissy had been having a very hard day herself. She didn't get off until 11 p.m... and on top of everything else in her day, she found out on the way home that she had company staying with her, knowing that she had work again at the 6 o'clock hour in the morning. For lack of a better way of saying it, she was wearing the same shoes that I had previously been wearing... She was tired, stressed, and in mood.

And then!!!

After her unexpected guest greeted her at the door with prayer!!!... she immediately "chose" joy and to receive the blessing being spoken over her. She later texted me back. I L-O-V-E what she wrote!!! Wow at the blessing that this child is to me! She responded to what I had earlier texted. She said:

Wow!!! Amen!! I couldn't have said it better, and what perfect timing. HE'S SO GOOOOOOD!!! His mercies are new every mourning (yes, I spelled that wrong on purpose, and yes I am my mother's daughter!). Declaration: Tomorrow I will display Your Splendor for all to see, I will wear Your praise gladly on my lips, face, and actions and I will notttt fall into the pit of despair (noun: The complete loss or absence of hope). You are the Lord of all! And I receive Your joy for tomorrow for both me and my momma!

I so love her heart!!!!!! AND her misspelling!!!! Perfect! And beautiful! ('His mercies are new every mo(u)rning!') I'll never see that verse the same now because of her!

"His mercies are new EVERY".....

Thank You, Lord, for all of the "EVERY"s that You cover!
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A broken silence

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For someone whose voice has somewhat felt silenced, I sure seemed to 'say' a lot in all sorts of different venues yesterday. But... back to the same new friend that I had been emailing. She shot me a quick email at 9:25 p.m. last night simply saying: 

I was riding my bike with Jesus tonight and I made a declaration in your name with regard to your writing. I BELIEVE He will break that wall and your pen will hit the paper and sing love songs to our Savior. 

How sweet! 

I like her!

I wrote her back this morning: 

Oh girl! I will receive such a declaration! How beautiful that you took me along on the bike ride with you two! :) What a special thing for you to do! I love that God has orchestrated our lives to be brought together. May He bless you mightily and magnificently in all that He has for you!

I continued:

I would apologize for such a spill to you in my email on Wednesday, but I dare not... for what you first wrote opened a wound, it started a bleed, and perhaps it lanced a boil that had need for lancing. I needed the release of the infection inside me! Perhaps even rather than "it opened a wound," perhaps instead it opened a "womb" (or thus visited one!), and helped nurse the child OR the "seed" (the desire, the longing) within it! And so yesterday with such an 'opening', I had then to do something with it! I sat at the Throne of Grace, I sat at the feet of Jesus, I sat before my Father... and I cried as I spilled my heart's feelings. And don't you know, dear friend, that every tear is caught in His bottle! And that every tear talks!!! Every tear tells with liquidized words what the heart feels that the mouth will never be able to put voice to! And so, my dear Jehovah, He opened a river of His Own! He heard my cry (and heard yours too!), and I feel that He indeed touched my lips, and has released my tongue from the roof of my mouth (Eze 3:26a), and has started the beginning of a voicing-revival (Eze 3:27a)! :)

So.... dear friend, I thank you! I thank you for the thoughts and the feelings that you somehow provoked in your sharing (Divinely planned, I'm sure!). I feel refreshed and renewed! I feel like I've gotten my voice back! I feel that I've been healed of its laryngitis. May He give me eyes to see again with the lips He's opened... and then may I share what He has so sweetly shown to me!!!

May God bless your heart today and tender it as His is. May He give you eyes to see into the heart of someone you might have missed. May He give you insight and knowledge and understanding, and may He move you with His compassion so that you will do what He would! May you be the 'Jesus with skin on' to someone today that is desperate to see Him! 

I love you today! (I hope you FEEL it!)

So wow, today I have been soaring with my Savior! I feel that He has spoken to me as He did to the woman in Luke 13:12, "And when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him, and said to her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity."!!! 


Oh Lord, I thank YOU, and praise You for such loosing!
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I've been missing me

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I don't know where I've gone. And I don't know how to get me back. But it's March in 2013 already!... and I haven't written the first blog! 

I haven't written, because it seems I've completely forgotten how to write! And for one who once had to pen E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G(!)..... I miss me! As crazy as it may sound, I miss my write! I miss my have-to! I miss my need! I miss my got-to! I feel as I have been blinded! I miss my sight!

It's like a friend that I've put out to pasture. Like a friend that I've misplaced or left behind. Like an invisible friend that I've neglected. A friend that I've hung up on. A friend that I've walked away from. A friend that I've lost. A friend that I'm looking for. A friend that I cannot find! It might not be your friend, but trust me, once she was mine!

Where is the me I used to be?

Yesterday, and the day before, I was writing to a new friend, a friend that my daughter introduced me to. And twice, maybe three times even(?), without even knowing me, in her emails she told me that I ought to write a book... and that if I did, she'd buy it! Her words made me cry. It stopped me in my tracks. I wanted to tell her (and I did) that I lost my write. That I have not just forgotten how-to, but with all of my want-to, I've still lost my have-to! It's like the pen to my soul has dried up. There's no ink to spill. There's no think to quill. There's no... it's almost like inside me there's no fill to feel!

No. That's not so true, but it is too! There is feel. I do feel! I feel a lot! But yet it seems my feel is lacking. It's not like it used to be. My feel isn't FILLED full enough to spill out. And honestly, I am super sad to say so! 

Used to I simply couldn't help it! I couldn't stop myself if I had to! I'd write on anything I could find. A napkin. A receipt. A paper bag. My hand. My arm. A check. A deposit slip! A blank spot in a book! A pamphlet! A magazine! I could hardly sit without pen in hand with paper. I almost couldn't hear a word (or read one!), especially in church, without scribbling in ink something that had moved me. 

It used to be like a flood. But now, though it still comes, it seems to come only in drops! What's left is just a mere drizzle. Where's the gush that used to rush over me? Where's the flooding that used to fuel me? Where's the overwhelmation that used to move me? Where is the umption that used to take over me?

"Umption" 

• the motivation to do something
• a driving force

Where's the need? The pain? The angst? The joy? The ecstatic? The anguish? The fire? The ____.... All of the "The" things that are missing?

This friend that was emailing me shared with me some poems from a poet that had been an invalid and so stuck on her bed for 35 years! When I read that and after reading one of her poems I thought: Woe, at the gift she was given in being laid there so long obviously for that very reason!!!! Don't hear me wrong, I DO NOT wish to be an invalid unable to get up, but I love what this lady did in the place that God put her! 

I suppose that the reason that that visual hit me so hard was because of a place that I was when God first captured me so and I was so desperate for Him! I would pack my children off to school and spend every hour of every day while they were away upon my bed delving deep into God's Holy Writ and sitting at the feet of my Jesus! I literally spent years there, and dared the world or the people in it to pull me away. I was a sin-sick soul in desperate need of her Savior! I needed help! And I needed healing! I treasured each moment! Each minute! Every second! Every tick and every tock of the clock! I knew then that that time was a gift. I knew then that it wouldn't last forever. I studied! I cried! I wrote! I wept!..... And now I miss those days! I miss the time I was given! I now am in prison teaching so much that I don't have the privilege of sitting silently hour upon hour so that I can be filled enough for the words to spill out of me. To do so, I need quiet. I need lone-ness. I need uninterrupted-ness. And I need lots of it. I don't know how well I write; but what I do know is that I still have an everlasting longing, desire, NEED!, to do so!

So now I sit here in the quiet of my home with three sleeping dogs surrounding me. Bible close by, pages already opened and read, fire place warming my back, looking to my God! Looking to my Lord! Tears have slid down my cheeks as I've talked to my Savior... willing Him to see, willing Him to feel, willing Him to be moved with His blessed compassion.... Asking Him as I so often do to let me see Him see me in the place where I sit! In the place where I've sat with Him for so many years previous. I've felt Him here! I've heard Him here! I've seen Him see me here! He has simply so many times blown me away with His wonder in this very spot!

That's all I need, Lord! A fulfillment of you! Whether it ever passes on through from my fingertips to a page does not matter. It's You I want! It's You I need! Teach me, Rabboni, for I am Your student! Teach me, for I am Your servant! Forgive me! Tell me! Show me! Change me! Transform me!..................... for after all, it's not "me" at all that I have been missing, but You, Lord, due to all of my busyness. Martha was distracted by many things, when it was Mary that had chosen the "one thing"! I used to be a Mary, dear Jesus, but I am afraid lately that Martha has invaded my every minute..............
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